Gravity
by ClosetDegrassiLover
Summary: Everyone waited for KC and Clare to finally admit their feelings for each other. But every relationship has their problems, especially when the 'new hot girl' enters the picture. Based off of new Season 9 promos. *Potential spoiler alert*
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my first fanfic ever! I fell in love with KC/Clare from day ONE and I waited through a semi-bad season 8 of Degrassi for them to finally get together.**

**But after seeing recent promos, I'm a little frightened for my new favorite TV couple. It's sort of based off of Clare's "It's About to Get Real" promo, which (loosely rememebed) says something along the lines of, "I'm not worried about the new girl. The new hot girl. I'm sure they're just exaggerating when they say she's a scheming skank out to get my boyfriend. Even if she was, no way a guy of mine would prefer a girl like that. No way. So there's no reason to be threatened. Which, of course, I'm not. ... ..."**

**So this is based off of that, and "Gravity" by Sara Bareillis (the lyrics might randomly pop up from time to time). This is what would happen if KC _had_ cheated on Clare and the repercussions of their relationship.**

**I hope you love it! I'm new, so please R/R (I'm under the impression that means Read and Review?)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, obviously. The funniest disclaimer I've ever seen: "I'm not ever Canadian!"**

*~*~*~*~*~

Clare's P.O.V.

"Clare, you're staring again." Alli stated, tossing her sheet of velvet hair behind her shoulder. "And KC is watching."

I didn't even realize I was doing it again. When I snapped back into reality, I realized she was exactly right. My gaze was locked directly onto KC, his dark eyes staring right back. There was no smile in them as there once was, but that seemed like ages ago. There was that girl, the hot girl, wrapped on his arm, whispering something to him as I blinked. Her heavy shadowed eyes locked on mine, smothered in secrets and attitude. KC rolled his eyes at her and said something (Rather angrily, I surmised. 'You've got to be kidding me, I can tell his moods from here?' I thought, annoyed with myself.).

"Just ignore him, Clare." Alli snapped, glaring at KC. "He's such a jerk, it's not worth it."

"I know, Alli! And I wasn't staring at him, I was just zoning."

"Whatever Clare, you're such a bad liar. It doesn't suit you." She arched her eyebrows, but didn't pry further.

Part of it was true. I didn't mean to stare at KC, but it was sort of second nature by now to stare at him. I couldn't help myself because it was kind of like watching a car accident. The car accident of my life. I'm sure that everyone else was watching me watch KC watch me. It was so confusing, frustrating, and a part of me just wanted to scream at them to mind their own damn business.

For a moment, he looked right back at me. There was a piece of a smile at the corner of his lips and I felt like he was whispering in my ears instead of that scheming skank, the words of so long ago. _"Come on, Clare. Do you really think that I have eyes for anyone else beside you? You're hurting my feelings."_ I could even see that playful smile that accompanied it and I wondered if he smiled like that since we…

I groaned, reprimanding myself for going down that road. Again. The point wasn't that I was stupid enough to believe him. The point was that I was stupid enough to fall for the boy in the first place. I read countless books, I've placed in multiple intelligence-drive competition, and yet I made the biggest blunder I possibly could: I gave my heart to a boy who's past was breaking things.

A tear rolled down my cheek. I coughed and stood up, knocking Connor's tray over. "I'm sorry, Connor! I've got something in my eye, I think I'm going to get it out."

I tried not to sprint out of the cafeteria, but as the whispers started clawing my back, I found my pace quickening. By the time my hands found the bathroom door, I couldn't see anything in front of me. I tore my glasses off and wiped my eyes. Putting them back on, I stared at the reflection that I seemed to face every time I looked in a mirror.

Red eyes, puffy cheeks. Not the 'hot girl'. 'The hot girl' was the one KC chose, not me. A part of me felt like I should've seen it coming. Who would choose the virgin, Christian prude when they could have some leggy tart who wears less clothes than newborn infants?

Okay, that was unfair.

It was only partly true. Newborns wrapped in towels, maybe.

As I splashed water on my face, my heart crumbled as visions of the past now clouded my sight and I felt like I was in my own personal nightmare, only I couldn't wake up this time.

*~*~*~*~*

_3 Weeks Earlier_

"C'mon Alli, I told you I was going to KC's in first period. No, I am _not_ ditching you. Yes, you do remember. Stop being such a drama queen, I know you really want to hang out with Johnny. Yes, I just went there." I laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Alli."

Chuckling at my ridiculous friend, I turned the corner to KC's street. It took him almost a month to actually let me step foot into his group home, but I wore him down. I swear, he let me in because he was afraid I'd start camping out on his doorstep.

I knocked, even though they told me it wasn't necessary, to have his guardian, Nate answered the door. He looked surprised to see me. "Hi Mr. Feldman!" I chimed amiably, wondering why he was looking at me so strangely.

"Clare? W-What are you doing here?" He asked.

That was a stranger question. "Um, I'm here to see KC?"

He threw a look of his shoulder and when his face returned into view, it was disgusted. "I think you should leave, Clare."

The harshness in his tone surprised me. "What did I do? I told KC I was coming after youth group."

Nate sighed. "I really do think you should leave, but if you must come inside…"

I stepped into the house, my confidence a little shaken and I wasn't quite sure why. I walked the hallway that I felt like became my second home, but it felt more like the Green Mile. Maybe I should turn around. Maybe I was in a dream. All these thoughts rushed in my head and I was somewhere between KC was mauled by a bear and my head was slowly but surely falling off.

But those were all welcomed outcomes when I came face to face with the truth. I got to KC's door and it was different somehow. Then I heard a laugh.

Last time I checked, KC went through puberty and his voice was much lower than that.

That's when I knew. That's when I knew exactly what I was going to see when I opened the door, that's when I knew why Mr. Feldman was so confused to see me _outside_ the house, and that's when I knew why I felt so odd in this familiar place. The only thing I didn't know was who I was going to find with him and what they were going to be doing.

But I had to open it. I couldn't be one of those pathetic girls who just looked the other way as they boyfriends necked on some random chick in the next room. I would regret it if my hand didn't turn that doorknob and make sure that what was going through my mind was actually happening.

I couldn't have prepared myself for this. I wasn't sure what TV rating I was going to get, but I sure as hell didn't expect this.

KC didn't have his shirt on. Neither did she. Pressed up against him, I could barely even see KC's face through the mane of hair of the 'hot girl' on top of him. For a moment, I was frozen in time, unable to think anything but one thing.

_This is what he wants, not me._

"Please let this not be happening." I whimpered aloud, although not aware I was actually speaking.

"Clare?" I heard KC's rough voice. I think there was shock. Maybe panic. "Oh shit, Clare!"

Oh shit, indeed.

All I knew was that I was running. Running past Nate as he shook his head, running past the streets I walked almost every day, running past my house, running from everything.

*~*~*~*~*

"KC. Back. Off." Alli's determined voice brought me out of my reverie and I wiped my eyes once more. "You've done more than enough damage for one lifetime. You need to leave."

"C'mon Alli! I just need to talk to her! You and Connor haven't let me anywhere near her! This can't keep going on like this!"

"You're right, KC. It can't. So I'm going to set some ground rules so we don't tangle ourselves again. You see her in the halls? Look the other way. She's sitting down in class? Take a seat in the opposite side of the classroom. Stay. Away. From. Her."

"Alli-"

"You've done enough!"

I heard footsteps thunder away and the door creaked open. "Clare?" Alli's gentle voice came closer. I felt a hand on my back. "KC's an idiot. We've known that from day one."

"It's no big deal, Alli. I just have something in my eye."

"Stop lying and be honest about all of this. You know that you're not over this."

No. I wasn't. But that night wasn't nightmarish because of him. It wasn't nightmarish because I realized my boyfriend – the man I was more than 'in like' with – decided I was no longer good enough. It went from horrible to nightmarish for one reason and one reason alone.

My parents didn't even know I was gone.

**Author's Note: Okay, so just getting started! Don't worry, KC will get his say next chapter. I love him - I could never make a monster out of him! Touch that pretty green button... You know you want to.**

**~ CDL**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for anyone who read/reviewed this piece. Yes, there wasn't much to review since it's just getting started.**

**One thing I kinda wanted to clarify (no one asked but I do think it's important) is that this is not supposed to be your stereotypical "boy cheats girl and end scene" sort of story. I kinda wanted to play off of the insecurities that the two characters had (Clare with her image, KC with his past) and show how they have a hue role in how the two will deal with their relationship. I'm not saying that KC cheats on the basis of those 2 things alone, but they are major contributing factors to both sides of the story.**

**As for the angle to the rest of the story, I'm afraid it may get complicated because I'm throwing stuff at the character's personal lives just so it's not just about their romantic relationship. I think a great thing about these two (among other things) is the support they have for each other in things besides their feelings for each other. So watch out for personal drama. KC's I think is much more predictable than Clare's - poor girl. She's got some nasty things coming to her (which I'm almost positive will NOT make it into the show because who would throw a kink in the perfect Edwards family?)**

**Wow... long rant. My sincere apologies. *bow* I will shut up now. Everyone's favorite resident bad-boy skater gets his turn. There's always 2 sides of every story, you know?**

**DISCLAIMER: Hee hee... the thought of me actually owning these characters is ridiculous. I do not.**

*~*~*~*~*~*

KC's P.O.V.

So I have this wonderful gift. Okay, maybe a not-so-wonderful gift. I have the unwonderful gift of being able to eff my life up like no body's business.

It really didn't bother me before. Before now, it'd been my problem and mine alone. It seemed like the necessary form of action for a person like me to undertake. I went along life and whenever I started succeeding, a part of me wanted to make sure that it was only a temporary thing.

It never really bothered me, despite the potential-juvie, parentless bastard thing. I mean, that's life. My foster father used to always say when life seemed excruciatingly unfair: "Life sucks, then you die."

Good words to live by, I guess.

But it's a whole other thing when my unwonderful gift started to spread among others. And I never thought it'd come to this.

I noticed she was staring. It was weird, but I always was acutely aware when Clare was looking at me, just because I used to pray that she would every day. Now, all I wished is that she'd never look in my direction again.

I looked back at her and noticed she didn't flinch. That's when I started to wonder if she was actually looking iat/i me or just staring off into space in general, and I happened to be in her line of vision. From the outside, she looked normal, just like Clare would on any other say. Long locks hanging over her shoulders, sort of tinted a golden chocolate color that slowly became my favorite hue in the spectrum. Her piercing blue eyes peered through the golden-rimmed glasses. I distinctly remember wanted to yank them off of her face from time to time, just because I felt like that extra sheet of glass was keeping her that far away from me.

But I knew she wasn't normal. Far from it, actually. I knew this because I knew _her_, something I felt dirty for now. She was breaking into pieces with everything and I knew it. I started it. Everything. The whispers, the taunts, the 'how sad's and 'poor thing's. I wanted to leap across the cafeteria to protect the porcelain girl from shattering, but I knew that it was I who would make her shatter. She tilted her head, as if trying to keep her head above water and my heart ached.

Then Alli said something to her and she turned away, a deep crimson floating onto her cheeks. I was disappointed; for a brief moment, I'd felt like everything was right again. The eternal struggle between me and her – will we get together, will we not get together, will she pick Connor over me, can I kiss her now, what will she think – was gone and it was just us, just like it used to be. Of course, that didn't last long.

"What a freak." A whisper tickled my ear. "Always wanting what she can't have."

Well, shit. Turning to Jenna, I snapped, "Be quiet. You have me, or whatever game this is you were playing, but Clare doesn't deserve that."

She was rubbing my back again and I was reminded of everything. I had to shake my sandy brown hair in my face to keep the tears at bay. "Aw, c'mon. Don't be like that, baby. You know you made the right choice. You just feel bad, because you're a good guy. But listen, you can't buy all the puppies in the pound."

"Now listen here-"

The anger that sizzled through my veins was cut short as I heard a small commotion from Clare's table. Clare had stood up, knock over his tray. With a sort of awkward motion, she turned around and walked – no, walked wasn't an appropriate term – shuffled clumsily out of the room.

Snickers followed. I ran my fingers through my hair, using every swear word I knew (and that was quiet a lot) at each and every one of them. Internally.

Leaping from my seat and probably knocking Jenna over (who cares at this point), I darted after her. By the time I reached hall, she was in a full on sprint. Damn, the kid moved fast for someone in wedges.

I made it to the bathroom, prepared to take on whatever girl-crazy remark about a boy being in a girl's bathroom when Alli brushed at my side.

"KC. Back. Off." She startled me, making my hand fall off of the door. "You've done more than enough damage for one lifetime. You need to leave."

This was total crap. My anger was rising to the surface once more. "C'mon Alli! I just need to talk to her! You and Connor haven't let me anywhere near her! This can't keep going on like this!"

"You're right, KC. It can't. So I'm going to set some ground rules so we don't tangle ourselves again. You see her in the halls? Look the other way. She's sitting down in class? Take a seat in the opposite side of the classroom. Stay. Away. From. Her."

I started into those brown eyes and everything that I wished I could be for Clare. A friend protecting her to the bitter end, even though it meant another friendship. I wanted to be that person, but I screwed everything up. Again. "Alli-"

"You've done enough!"

This was a very true statement, but my anger boiled over. Letting out a bellow, I wheeled around before I could do any more damage to my past friends at Degrassi.

"Harsh, man."

As if this day could get any worse, none other than Reese stood behind me. I knew exactly what sort of smirk would be planted on his face. The "I love KC's pain" smirk that only happened when I was truly in agony. "Go away, Reese."

"Sorry, dude. But I'm your teammate! We gotta look out for each other because these Degrassi chicks are a handful, let me tell you."

I massaged my temples, as if that would do anything. "Why don't you go waste your time somewhere else? Like finding yourself a girlfriend, maybe, since your last one dumped your ass."

I could tell he was smiling. "Look who's talking, man. You've got yourself enough drama to fuel a daytime soap opera. But, maybe I should take your advice and find myself another girl. Perhaps I'll be the one to pick up the pieces of that hot piece of-"

"Shut up!" I hollered, finally turning around to face him. If I had something in my hands, I'd throw it at him. If I had a gun, I'd shoot him without a second thought. No one, and I mean _no one _was allowed to talk about Clare as if she was just an average girl, a Jenna, if you will.

I got closer, towering over him (the one time I thanked my biological parents: genetics). "Don't you _ever_ do anything to Clare."

All he did was laugh. "Oh please, dork. Do you really think you can have it all? You already tried, freak show, and failed epically, might I add. You just had too much, you know? The grades, freshman on the basketball team, the genius-turned-hot-librarian girlfriend, everyone likes you, blah blah blah." His words were cutting into me and I could feel my restraint flickering. "You can't have it all KC. Or," He laughed, turning around. "In your case, anything at all."

He left me there in flames, trying to calm my temper that had gotten me in so much trouble in the past. Clenching my fists, I closed my eyes. Everything was falling apart. Everything was making want to scream.

"KC?" A soft voice came behind me and I briefly thought I died and an angel was talking to me. I almost laughed at my assumption – probably would have if I hadn't been so enraged – but when she spoke again, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in weeks. "KC, are you alright?"

I didn't want to turn around. I was afraid if I did, it'd all go away. "I think so." It was a fairly true statement. My heart was beating, wasn't it?

"You're shaking."

Sure enough, this was another true statement. I untangled my fingers and took a deep breath. Turning around, I kept my eyes closed just in case I was wrong. I opened them one at a time and there she was, standing with her hands grabbing her shoulders. They were hunched defensively, as if she was preparing for me to strike her. The very thought made me sick.

We stood there for a moment. There could've been bombs going off, people getting shot, I could've won a million dollars, but I wouldn't have noticed. She stared into my eyes with what I prayed was longing, the saddest face I have ever seen frozen before me. I wanted to reach out, but I knew that was no longer my right. I was vaguely aware of Alli in the corner, scowling. Obviously she didn't approve of Clare's actions.

"Okay," She said after a moment. She turned to leave and a part of me began to shatter. "I'm glad you're alright."

I reached out, but then took my hand back. I didn't deserve her. I never really did, but now I didn't even have a chance. "What are you doing talking to _her_?" The catty voice into my ears and I closed my eyes.

I was underwater again.

**Author's Note: Apologies for angsty KC. Although I think if anyone has a reason to be angsty, it would be the poor boy. Next chapter switches back to Clare, where we get to see that the Edwards house isn't as perfect as everyone thinks...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I just wanted to say thanks for those who are reading this... it means a lot!**

**Just a quick thing: I, by no means, want this to actually happen in the show and I think that KC is far to smitten to ever really do anything. And the thing is (and I hope I'm not giving anything away by stating this) the actual "Incident" itself is not what it seems in this fic. There's a lot of things that happen BEFORE this story took place, which we will discover later. I love KC and I don't think he would ever do anything intentional to Clare and if he made a mistake, he would fix it right away. So why isn't he?**

**I guess the true questions are: Why did he go so far? What was going through his mind? How did he end up dating Jenna anyway? What exactly did Clare see? And why did she instantly assume it was because 'it was what KC wanted'? (I mean c'mon Clare, give the boy some credit!)**

**Among others, I guess.**

**I hope I'm not taking away KC's character, just because I think that a kid in the foster system who lives in a group home would have more than just skeletons in his closet. Everyone learns to deal with the emotional trauma they're given, but KC's? There's a reason he has a temper and there's a reason he almost went to jail. As Mike said (thank you for your comments, by the way!), KC is an intelligent kid and shouldn't be stripped down to some hormone-addled teenager who makes stupid decisions on the basis of instant gratification - I think Clare's insecurity plays a HUGE part and will play a HUGE part in the actual show, too. I mean, her promo wasn't suggesting that KC would cheat. It was suggesting that she feels threatened because she doesn't think that she, Clare, will be enough. I actually think there's even more to him that people get rare bits of - when Clare found out that he was in a group home, he panicked. He's scared a lot of the time, it seems. Imagine what the foster care system does to a kid's self esteem? Jumping from 'home' to home'...**

**Wow. Sorry. That was sort of a mini-rant, but I wanted you lovely people to see what I was thinking along the lines of KC.**

**ANYWHO, I'm actually on around Ch. 7 or 6 (not quite sure) in what I've actually written, so it'll give some hints as to what I hinting about in the later chapters (attempt to wrap your mind around that one!). And the point of the story isn't KC's a douche and Clare's a victim... because, as I'm writing it, Clare's dealing with something beyond her emotional level at home (or at least will - haven't quite gotten there yet). KC actually is a bit of the victim here (and now I'm just giving stuff away. Stupid me.)**

**Back to Clare, though. I've always pictured her a complex character just because she's a walking contradiction. I mean, just from what I've watched, she is independent, but needs self-validation (who doesn't?). She's a fighter, but tends to use the "flight" response a lot too. She's firm in what she believes in, but is open minded enough for new possibilities. Not to mention, she puts others' feelings above her own views (EX: Heart of Glass - Clare was a fabulous friend, even though you could tell she disapproved).**

**But Clare strikes me as the kind of person who - if it hits close to home (haha, no pun intended) - she shuts down. Which, is in effect what she's doing. **

**DISCLAIMER: I own Degrassi. Oh wait, this is Opposite Day! (These are getting stupider by the chapter.)**

Clare's P.O.V.

I used to know a lot. I used to be sure of what I believed in, what I thought, what I needed to stand for. But now…

I rolled on my bed in my pajamas, unable to sleep for the third night in a row. "Whatever," I mumbled to myself, getting out of the sheets.

I made my way downstairs, giggles coming from the hallway. "Are you sure it's okay for me to be here, especially with Clare sleeping upstairs?" A seductive voice cooed.

"Of course! She's sleeping, so it's not going to bother her at all." My father's grumbled made my stomach sick.

Quietly opening the door, I almost was fully out when it squeaked. "Oh crap," I heard my father breathe. "Honey, is that you? I thought you weren't going to be home for another hour."

And that was that.

Without another sound, I made it out of my house. It was a little cold, making me wish I had grabbed a jacket or at least shoes. There was no way I was going back inside my house, not that either of my parents really cared anymore.

Maybe that's why KC hit me so hard. He was the last person who actually cared where I was, what I was doing… Darcy left for Africa, my mother was never home, and my father was utilizing that fact. I felt invisible to the world. There were parts in my dad when I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, just to see if anyone would listen.

I couldn't feel my feet anymore. They were fading to a light blue, which happened easily with how pale I am. Stopping in front of the park, I looked over my shoulder. Invisible people aren't stalked, I reminded myself.

Sitting down on a bench, I clutched my sides. I felt the sobs I had held in, the sobs I only let loose in private, finally come cascading out as if a dormant volcano finally had enough. I made sure I was quiet, which, luckily, I had copious practice in. My shoulder shook with cold and sorrow. I felt as small as a person could be.

An odd thumping noise rang from the distance. Of course, I knew my first reaction should be terror, but for some reason I got up from the bench and followed it. There was a clang of metal and a swear. I froze. I knew that voice. I knew that voice better than my own.

KC was dripping with sweat, a basketball in his hands. He was squeezing as though he wanted it to pop it, his thick eyebrows pulled down. "Damn it!" He yelled. "I can't get anything right!"

I knew how that felt.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked after a few moments of realizing I looked like a creeper.

He gave a shout and jumped. His eyes widened as I stepped into view, my shoulder still trembling. Probably looked like crap, unlike his leggy girlfriend. "W-What are you doing out here?"

I raised my eyes to the sky when it became too hard to look at him. The moon was out, looking a bit closer than it usually did. "I couldn't sleep."

"So you came out to the park?" He cried and the ball fell from his hands. "Do you realize how stupid that is, Clare?"

"Look who's talking."

"But I'm a guy!" He made his way over and paused. Biting his lip, he placed an arm around me and for a moment, I felt whole. How pathetic. "I'm not some tiny girl who could get smashed to pieces!"

I knew I should pull away. "I'm tougher than I look, KC."

That was the first time I spoke his name in three weeks. It felt natural, like I was born to say it every day of my life. But now, it just hurt.

"I'm very aware of how strong you are, Clare. But this isn't something where you can just protest against. This is your life we're talking about."

"You have a tendency to lean toward the melodramatic."

He laughed. It was a short, hard laugh like he was trying to hold it in, but couldn't. I didn't think I was particularly funny, but hearing him laugh made me feel a little better. "I'm being serious, Clare." He chuckled, his shaking shoulders making my own tremble. "It's too dangerous for you to be walking around by yourself at night. Do you do this often?"

"Do you often break your curfew?"

He stopped laughing. "I know, I know. They don't know I'm gone, though."

"And if they found out?"

Shrugging, he finally released me. I wanted to put a safe distance between us, but I couldn't. I walked ridiculously close to him, my superficial reason being I wanted to be warm. But I knew – and I'm pretty sure he knew – I just wanted to be closer to him. For the first time in weeks, it felt like life made sense again.

"I don't know, Clare. Things can't possibly get worse than they are now."

I frowned, unsure of what to make of this statement. "Worse than juvie?"

He groaned. "Okay, I guess you've got me there. I don't want any guy named Knuckles coming up and hitting on me."

"So you'd rather take the complete mess in the park after hours?"

"Any day of the week."

I had to let that statement filter through me. It wasn't good that he was comparing me to spending time in juvie, even if it made me feel light for the first time in days.

"Clare, are you alright?"

No. Of course not. I wanted to scream these words out, but knew that would not help anything.

"Because last time I checked, you didn't roam the park at midnight." I refused to say anything. Next thing I knew, he gripped my shoulders and pulled me in tight. "I am so sorry, Clare. I don't think I could ever tell you how sorry I am. All I know is that you are worth so much more than what I could ever give you-"

"I'm here for you, KC." A voice growled from in between the trees. "I know you always come here when you're upset and I'm here to-"

Jenna, the beautiful blonde 'hot girl', emerged from the trees, stopping as soon as she saw the two of us. I pushed KC away instantly. He wasn't mine and he hadn't been mine for weeks. He was hers, and as much as it pained me to admit it, there was nothing I could ever do about it.

"What's she doing here?"

And… that was my cue to leave. As much as I enjoyed the thought of me being chewed out by a girl who, basically, destroyed the one thing I felt was right in my life, I knew that if I didn't leave now, what pieces left of my heart would be disintegrated into dust.

As I turned to walk away, she was right up in my face. "Listen here, you little bitch-"

And… that's when I actually left. I couldn't even hear what was going on anymore. I don't know if KC yelled at her (probably not) or just walked away with her. I couldn't handle either. I wondered for a moment if I would feel better if he _had_ stuck up for me, but then I realized that the answer would make me feel even worse.

Sometimes I felt like KC had his own gravity that I was instinctually sucked into. Like there was some sort of math equation similar to the quadratic formula: Clare Edwards = KC Guthrie +Oxygen. I never want to fall another moment into his gravity.

The one thing that I do know is that he's keeping me down.

**Author's Note: I feel like I'm making Jenna a 2-D character. Which is not good. There will be a Jenna P.O.V. further down, but it's hard to make her side known when the P.O.V.'s are people who aren't that interested in her. So don't worry... she won't always look like a heinous life-breaker.**

**Finally! Gravity lyrics! Haha... try and spot them... It's like Where's Waldo? Except with angst and betrayal. lol. R/R please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I decided to put up another chapter before I descended into sleep. Thank you for all who are reviewing - I really appreciate it! **

**I thought I'd like writing Clare the best (originally, this piece was only Clare), but I'm finding out that I really like KC. I love complex characters.**

**I'm actually pleased with the direction it's turning (I'm on chapter 7, so I'm a bit further than where you guys are now) I've got lots in store for the two, which involves more Reese, basketball, and odd encounter involving a park bench.**

**Alls I'm sayin'.**

**DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own these characters. I know that. You know I know that. I know you know I know that.**

K.C.'s P.O.V.

I hate high school.

Not in the punk ass, juvie-toeing, too-cool-for-school the way that I used to. Now, I hated high school in the drowning, barely holding my head above water long enough to breathe, wanna take a gun to school way that made my life my own personal hell. There was only one reason I came to school.

Today, Clare looked a little paler than usual. There were deep circles around her eyes and I knew as soon as I saw her that she didn't sleep when she got home. Neither did I. I lie awake, staring at my ceiling, wondering if this year was my own personal purgatory for being so happy last year.

It may have been creepy, but I noticed this all at a distance. I wasn't meaning to be creepy, but I noticed her (at least that was my excuse) because she was several rows away from her locker. She was several rows away from imy/i locker.

This was supposed to be the moment in my day when everything seemed almost perfect. Even though we put our books down in complete silence, she was so close to me. The electricity that coursed through me just by being close to her kept me alive. It was the only keeping me alive at this point. For a few short minutes, I could pretend that everything was alright. I could pretend that I didn't make that mistake and that we were together once more and she was mine and no one else's.

But she wasn't there. She was far away and I couldn't feel that electricity that made my tired muscles wake up. I gaped at her as she put her bag inside her locker, selecting a couple books and giving a huge sigh.

"You may have been a prick last night, but all is forgiven!"

That singsong made my toes curl. After last night, I just walked home without giving Jenna another look. I was so mad; it was the closest I ever came to hitting a girl. Instead of violence which would've thrown me behind bars, I stalked away after Clare. I came really close to catching up with her and then stopped.

I had no right to catch up to her.

Jenna twirled the lock on the door and it popped open. I couldn't help but gape at her like an idiot as she rummaged around in Clare's locker. "Babe, why are you staring at me like that? I know it's weird that I'm so forgiving, but I'm feeling particularly bubbly today."

And I'm feeling like a knife, so you better not come close. I made sure that thought was strictly internal. "H-How did you-"

"-become your locker girlfriend as well?" She squealed. "Well, it's a funny story. I came to school, still pissed at you and especially pissed at the stupid little Edwards girl-" I growled at the statement. "-but when I thought that the ilast/i person I wanted to see what Clare, she walks right up to me! Just as I'm preparing to clock her in the mouth, she comes up with the brilliant plan of us switching lockers! I mean, how perfect is this? Now you don't have to deal with the totally awkward experience every morning with her iand/i you get to start them off right with me! How brilliant is that! I should've thought of it myself, but I have to hand it her-"

I walked away. Probably not the smartest move because being in her bad graces was painful, but I couldn't help it. With only one thing in mind, I practically sprinted down the hallways. "Clare!" I shouted as she was leaving, books in hand. "Clare, wait!"

She paused and wheeled around. The look on her face was priceless; it was solid shock. I couldn't blame her. Imagine going out of your way to avoid someone and then they come barreling down the hallway after you. I chuckled to myself and for the first time in weeks, I felt completely giddy.

But I forgot to stop. I almost had to crash into the lockers to prevent myself from completely plowing into Clare. I put out my hands to stop myself and ended up clutching her shoulders to keep myself from falling. She stumbled but righted herself, looking at me in confusion with those beautiful blue eyes. "Um," She coughed as I noticed we were standing in the middle of the hallway with me practically assaulting her. "So, how are you?"

I burst out laughing – a lot more than necessary – and I'm pretty positive that anyone in a fifty yard radius thought I was completely crazy. Letting go of Clare after several awkward moments (for her, at least), I brushed off my shirt. "Why'd you change lockers?"

Her eyes widen in the adorable way they sometimes did when she felt uncomfortable. "It makes sense, KC."

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes, it does.

"No! It doesn't!"

"Yes, actually. It does."

"No-"

She rolled her eyes. "We could do this for quite some time."

I wanted to reach out. This was one of those moments that I knew would keep me going for the next couple days, so I needed to milk it for all it was worth. I would've been fine just saying those three words for the rest of the day. "I want you to tell me why you traded lockers with Jenna?"

"Listen to yourself."

I was a little busy listening to her.

She sighed and gave me a look. The look I've been waiting for almost a month for. The look she used to give me when I was being a complete idiot, but she seemed to find endearing in a weird sort of way. It used to end with 'Stop being a moron, KC' or 'I've given up trying to make you understand' and me laughing at whatever I didn't understand.

"KC. You're dating Jenna, not me." She opened up her mouth as if she wanted to say more, but the words seemed to get caught in her throat. In that moment, I wished I could reach out and embrace her, take away this pain, but I knew I was the cause. I wasn't allowed to do that. Clare seemed to control herself.

"It makes sense. Why should we be right next to each other anymore?"

Because I need you in my life. "Clare, I know it's been a little awkward, but there's no reason to run-"

"I'm not running, I'm walking. KC, I really don't wish anything bad for you and I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable-"

I'm not exactly sure what she said next because I felt like – after a moment of being truly happy – she just pushed my head further underwater. I never really understood what was going through her mind when we were dating but now I felt like I didn't know her at all. I always admired her for her intelligence, but I now realized with Clare, 2+2 didn't always equal 4. How she got to my issues when it was clear that mine didn't matter in this situation at all.

"Why would I feel uncomfortable?" I cried when I realized she was just staring now. "I still want you in my life! Why would I ever-"

"KC, piss off." Alli stalked up to the two of us and pulled Clare's arm. I almost reached out and grabbed the other one. I could take on a tiny teenage girl any day of the week.

She dragged Clare, making my world seem a little smaller. "What the hell, KC?" Jenna called from behind. I shut my eyes.

"Hey KC, wanna sit outside for a moment?"

Okay, people needed to stop addressing me. But I paused. A completely unexpected voice came from behind me and I dropped my mouth at a friend I thought I lost.

"Connor?"

He smiled, tugging his usual grey sweatshirt closer to him. "Wanna?"

I smiled back. "I think that's the best idea I've heard in weeks."

We marched outside of the Degrassi walls and I was only vaguely aware I was breaking my promise to Nate that I would never skip class. Connor didn't take us far; he sat down at one of the benches outside and motioned for me to do the same.

"I thought you weren't supposed to talk to me." I offered, for some reason feeling uncomfortable with a friend. "I'm pretty sure that's breaking rule number one of the I-Hate-KC-Club."

"There's not a club called that." He stated matter-of-factly.

"You know what I mean. You haven't spoken to me in weeks."

"You hurt my best friend. Badly. I was mad at you."

I never noticed how Connor's social disease was sort of a blessing. "I know. I'm still pretty mad at myself."

"So why'd you do it, then? You're still 'in like' with her, I can tell. Or, you just like making her miserable."

"I would inever/i want that." I growled, but somewhat happy someone was finally speaking to me honestly. Everyone knows I deserved it.

"Then you are still 'in like' with her."

"I think it turned into 'in love', Connor."

He frowned. "Then why are you dating Jenna, then? If you're in love with someone else?"

That was a damn good question. I could be a total pig and say it was completely physical, but I wasn't sure. "Um, I don't even know. I just – I just couldn't believe that I was so stupid and I threw away the best thing that ever happened to over what? It was pathetic. I just didn't know what to do."

"So you kept doing ithat/i?"

I almost laughed again. "Real nice, Connor." He shrugged.

"So why'd you do it? Why'd you ruin everything?"

I almost fell out of my seat. No one had asked me that. Everyone assume I was some heathen spawn off to destroy the pure angel. It was partly true, granted. But it felt nice to have someone actually want to know.

I took a breath and began.

**Author's Note: I know I'm cruel. But did you really think I'd let you know what's going on? Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids.**

**You know you want to press that fabulous green button *subliminal messaging***


	5. Chapter 5

**I thought I'd do this real quick! Thank you everyone for your support! I'm really enjoying writing this - it's kinda hilarious because I'm in the middle of the basketball scene in Clare's perspective and it's hard! I've played basketball since I was in 2nd grade, and I never realized how hard it is NOT to use the technical terms, because Clare wouldn't know! Lol... I'm erasing a lot. Clare wouldn't know the difference from a 2-3 defense from a man on man...**

**As for this chapter, I'm finding excuses to put KC and Clare together. I just love them too much!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi. But KC is mine. Kidding.**

Clare's P.O.V.

There was a passage I used to have tucked under my pillow. I kept it there because I would have nightmares of being completely alone with just darkness around me. So, whenever I woke up, I could pull it out of my pillow case.

Psalm 27: 1 - _The Lord is my light and salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is my stronghold of life – of whom shall I be afraid?_

I lost that when I was twelve.

Darcy told me later she stole it when she was upset one night, hoping that I would have nightmares of being alone because she wished I never existed. And I did.

The odd thing was, I haven't had the nightmare since. That is, until a week ago. Now I was on my bed again, watching the clock on my wall as it spun too quickly around. Somehow, it was already nine o'clock. I didn't even know how that happened. I didn't want to go to sleep yet. I never really wanted to sleep ever, but I figured that was just not plausible.

Standing up and grabbing a coat, I walked out of bed. I wanted my parents to realize I was walking out of the house at night for the fifth night in a row, but I don't even think they were home. Without any pause or glance over the shoulder, I went to the door and exited in plain sight.

No one knew.

Somehow, I was outside, wandering by myself again. But I don't think I'll go back tonight. Even if I was alone outside, at least there were the trees, right?

I stopped at the park and sat on a picnic table. Curling up on the table, I put my arms over my head as if that would help. As if it would protect me from whatever was inside (or outside) my heart. Tears started to stream down my face as I whispered, "The Lord is might light and salvation. Whom shall I fear?"

*

"CLARE!"

I was shivering. Badly. When I drifted off to sleep last night, it wasn't raining. For some reason, I didn't wake up when it started sprinkling innocently in the sky. Now it was pouring – I was completely soaked, curled so tightly I wasn't sure I could untangle myself.

"CLARE!"

So I didn't imagine my voice being screamed. Lifting my head, I saw none other than my stupid love of a skater boy sprinting toward me, skateboard in hand. Clearly, the wheeled board wasn't fast enough.

"What were you thinking?" He bellowed when he got to me.

Thinking wasn't coming particularly easy as of late, especially when I was practically having convulsions. Grabbing my dripping hair, I tried to wring it out, but found I could barely wrap my fingers around it. KC took off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders, squeezing me tight. "_What were you thinking?"_

"You really shouldn't do that." I stated and he looked taken aback. "I'm going to get your coat all wet."

"Screw the coat! I'm more concerned with preventing pneumonia at this point!" His other arm was around me now and before I could protest (not that I think I would at this point), I was on his lap and he was hugging me closer to his chest than he ever had. I could feel his heartbeat getting in tune with mine, both fluttering madly.

We sat like that for a moment and I felt the tears coming again. I didn't understand life. I felt whole when he was so close to me, but I felt broken too. I wanted some clarity, but there was none. Perhaps this is what "guilty pleasure" was referring to…

"What were you thinking?" He demanded again, his arms locked around me. Even if I wanted to run without an explanation of my stupid stunt, I could never overpower KC. The boy was a fortress.

"I lost track of time." So lame, I was aware. I should win an award.

"Don't lie to me Clare, you suck at it!" So two people thought I was terrible liars. Maybe I should stop. "You're in your pajamas – you were out in the middle of the night again! I thought you said you weren't going to do that!"

"I don't recall actually making a statement like that."

He paused. "Okay, well you didn't actually say it, but I figured someone as smart as you wouldn't be so stupid!"

The boy had a point. "I really had no intention of staying here all night." Now that wasn't true. I planned on staying until I felt better, which meant you'd have to chain me to the table.

"Dammit Clare." He breathed as my shivers slowly settled. I closed my eyes, afraid if I opened them, I'd be back by myself. "Please don't do this. You scared the living hell out of me. I-I thought you were dead.

"What?"

"Just for a moment." He sighed. "One terrified, long moment, I guess." He shifted his arms and suddenly I was in the air. "Let's get you home."

"I'm perfectly capable of walking, thank you."

With a smirk, he me down, but didn't let go of my shoulders. The boy practically had me pinned to his sides. "I'm not going to run, idiot."

He laughed. "This is just for my benefit."

Whatever that meant. I was through trying to understand KC. "I fell asleep."

"Why were you even out and about at night, in your pajamas?"

He was snarling through gritted teeth and I couldn't help but laugh. "What's with the fixation with my pajamas? 'Cause I feel like I should tell you, it's a little creepy."

He burst out laughing. He was giddy for some odd reason. KC had the biggest mood swings I have seen. "The only reason I'm annoyed that you're in your pajamas because it implies that you were in bed, and then got out. Then was a moron and started walking around. Then went the park. Then was a moron again and fell asleep."

"Why do you even need me here if you know everything already?"

He groaned. "Edwards, you're going to be the death of me, I know it."

Of course I would. Because what was worse than the unlucky penny that kept showing up in your life? "Really, KC. You can let go. I'll just go home and change. You'll be late for school."

He rolled his eyes. "Like I would actually listen that crap."

"Whatever." I mumbled, finally reaching my house.

I opened the door, all the lights completely out. Just as I left it. KC frowned, looking at the empty house as if it was some sort of foreign land. "Why aren't your parents home?"

"They go to work early." The lie slid through my lips without a second thought.

"And," He was having trouble getting out words. "Why haven't they noticed you've been sneaking out at night?"

"They're busy. It's easier for me to just stay out of the way right now." I was slowly regaining the feeling in my hands, a sharp pain joining the sensation. I tried to keep my face neutral. "Look, you don't have to stay. Go to school. It's better that one of us is late rather than two."

"Oh please, Clare. Go get ready. The quicker you stop arguing, the quicker we'll be at school."

The boy outwitted me again. Running upstairs, I grabbed the first set of clothes that was within reach. I rubbed my hair frantically with a towel, hoping my hair would dry at least a smidgen so I wouldn't actually get a cold. I already felt a sore throat coming on, no need to help it along.

I threw my hair up in a messy bun – the first time it was up in what seemed like ages. It still wasn't anything like my old ponytail, which would give me headaches with how tight I pulled it. I considered not putting on makeup, but consider how I looked like a drowned cat, I decided to slap on some foundation and mascara. Finishing it off with my golden glasses, I stumbled down the stairs again.

KC was sitting on my coach, his eyes wandering around the room like he had never been here before. "Wow, that was quick." He commented throwing me an appraising look. I'm sure I looked like hell, but at least I got points for speed. "It takes Jenna forev-"

He froze and I felt like he just shoved me further underwater. Sucking in my lips, I took a moment to calm myself. Of course I didn't look like Jenna – hours of work wouldn't achieve that.

"Well, shouldn't we get to school?" I commented, knowing that was the last place I wanted to be.

KC's nostril's flare and he pursed his lips. "That's not what I meant, Clare."

"I have no idea what you mean, KC."

I moved to leave the house and he bolted to the door and opened it. "You look much better. Even when you're completely soaked."

"Please stop, KC. You're making this a lot harder."

He grew quiet. That was the most honest statement I said in weeks. We walked in silence for a ways, a considerable distance between us now. "Clare, I never meant to hurt you."

I pretended I didn't hear that.

"But I seem to keep on doing it over and over again. I need you just say what's on your mind. The first time we actually got to talk was only a couple days ago. But all you've said-" He huffed dejectedly, now looking at me. "You haven't even… I mean, why haven't you-"

"KC, you're having trouble with coherency."

"Why haven't you yelled at me? Why haven't you told me how much I hurt you? Why haven't you… ianything/i?"

I bit my lip. "KC, I-" I struggled to find the right words. The truth of the matter was, I didn't really have much time to process anything. "Alli did enough yelling to cover it, I think."

"I don't care what Alli thinks, I care what you think!"

It took all the practice I had been given not caring that my parents no longer really cared about me anymore to keep my face straight. "Um, KC. I think we both know I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by what happened-"

"Why haven't you tore into me? Everything would make everything make more sense, maybe I would stop hating everything around me, maybe my life wouldn't feel like it was completely spiraling out of control-"

"KC, I don't mean to be a killjoy to this super optimistic rant you're going on, but what are you even saying? Why is your life going out of control? It's not like… well, I mean-"

"Just say it." He stated, all the pain from his last words now present in his voice. "Just do it Clare."

"It's not like I'm the one who ended things between us!"

**Author's Note: _FINALLY_ Clare. If only she would yell now... lol**

**R/R por favor, per favore... etc.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow, I'm updating really fast... oops. I'm running out of material. I got a good head start because of the 2 day policy for the uploader. **

**As for the reviews... I keep chuckling because a lot of the stuff people are suggesting are actually happening soon. I cracked up with a couple because I was like "Is my storyline that transparent!?" So weird.**

**One thing I needed to remember is that KC has a temper. Which I'd like to utilize more. Poor guy, though. he's got a few curveballs headed to him soon.**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned Degrassi, I don't know how much fanfiction I'd be writing...**

KC's P.O.V.

We were late.

As soon as we reached Degrassi's doors, Clare's pace picked up dramatically and she dashed inside. Me? I didn't have the same enthusiasm.

I took my time making my way up the stairs, a nagging in the pit of my stomach. Walking into Clare's house spooked me for some reason – it shouldn't have. Every time I had walked into that house, it felt like family houses should have been. Warm, comforting, and most importantly, family-ish (was that a word?).

It felt empty. Like a shell of what it was. It had all the previous indications that a family lived there, but it just felt like there was no longer a family present. The house was like Clare herself: gone.

In any other situation, I would've just asked Clare up front. [What the hell is going on?] But do I even have that right anymore?

I entered Degrassi with a lot on my mind, none of which, involved math. I entered the classroom without any apology for my tardiness. Mr. Simpson gave me a stern look. "KC, can I see you once class is over?"

I nodded. I felt tears welling in my eyes; I was such a pansy. I've never cried as much as I had in the past couple weeks. Stealing another glance at Clare, I frowned at the brokenness written all over her face. She had her chin resting on her fists, her eyes closed. A small cough passed through her lips and I cursed. So she did get sick from traipsing through the park at night.

What made her do that? Was it me? Was it the newly empty house?

The class passed in a blur as I tried coming up with a reason Clare was so empty. I couldn't get over how breathtakingly beautiful she was, even when she looked like a half-drowned cat. If I hadn't been so concerned that my best friend and potential-love-of-my-life was dead, I would've noticed how the rain made her hair seem silkier somehow. When she walked downstairs, I honestly thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

My Clare (dammitt, I really needed to stop referring to her like that) somehow made anything attractive. It'd been the first time I'd seen her hair up in a ponytail in months, finally allowing me to see her face entirely. It took her a grand total of 5 minutes to be gorgeous, something Jenna could spend hours on and still not achieve. Sure, I'm positive a lot of the school would disagree with me, but I didn't give a damn what they all thought.

"KC, earth to KC." Mr. Simpson was saying. "Would you please see me?"

Damn. I knew skipping class and coming late would kick me in the ass. "Yes, Mr. Simpson?" I asked, preparing myself for a well-deserved call to Nate about my behavior.

"How are you?"

I stared. This was not how I thought the conversation was going to go. "I'm sorry?" I was positive I heard him wrong.

A grin stretched on that amiable face of his. "I asked you how you are. I can imagine that you'd think it was for something much more disciplinary, but I spoke with Connor last night." I swore. "Please don't be upset. You know Connor. He doesn't quite understand the idea of 'secrecy' and in this case, I'm glad. I've noticed you've been looking a bit flustered lately, but I'm just a teacher. It's none of my business."

I didn't say anything.

"But I wanted to let you know if you needed anyone, you could always talk to me, KC." Mr. Simpson tried to catch my eyes, but I made sure that didn't happen. "Life gets rough sometimes and I'm sure without a father, it's even harder. You can talk to me."

I licked my lips, annoyed with myself at how tempting that seemed. "Thanks Mr. Simpson." I stated distantly. "But I've, uh, got to get to class."

"Okay KC, but-"

I booked it out of there.

Connor needed to learn how to shut his mouth. He always ruined everything. The last thing I needed was a nosy teacher in my closet. I was dealing fine on my own. It wasn't me who people should be worried about, it's Clare. Why do people keep asking me?

Then I saw something that made everything I was looking at red. It'd been a while since my anger was switched on like this. I couldn't even walk in a straight line. Everything darkened around me as I could only see one thing.

Reese.

Strike that. Reese and Clare.

Reese was leaning against her locker, babbling about who knows what as Clare kept her eyes fixed into her locker. Who knows if she actually needed to grab anything else, but she had her eyes closed, as if she had a headache and Reese was not helping.

Next thing I knew, he had his arm around her, slowly pushing his body closer to hers. Then I was sprinting.

"What the hell, Reese!" I shouted, pulling the two apart before I even thought about what I was doing.

"What's wrong you with, idiot?!" Reese yelled back, righting his balance. Clare just stared at the two of us, her mouth hanging open. "I was just seeing how she was, seeing as you are screwing every skank in Degrassi!"

"This is bullshit!" I cried, making sure not to look at Clare after that last jab. "Stop messing with her!"

"Oh, come on, you freaking hypocrite." Reese rolled his eyes, adjust his beanie to slant sideways once more. "You come here to lecture me on messing with Clare. You screw the new girl and now try and been the good guy? Are you freaking kidding me?" That cold laugh that I'd grown to despise rang through the hallways. "You ruin lives, Guthrie. That's what you do. Why do you think you have no parents?"

Now all I could see was red. Not even figures anymore, just red that I was drowning in. This is what I had been waiting for. This is what I wanted Clare to do. I never wanted Reese to say it, but it didn't make it less true.

"Clare, just ignore that asshole." Reese's words were distant; I wasn't on earth anymore, let alone in the conversation. "He just wants it all. Don't let him hurt you anymore."

"Shut up!" I shouted, my fist slamming against the locker. I heard Clare let out a yelp. Finally, I could see Reese, the smirk on his face. I grabbed his shirt collar and slammed him in a locker. "You leave her alone. She isn't one of your slut girlfriends who are looking to hook up in the Ravine."

Reese looked unphased. "You should really look at yourself in the mirror before saying that."

"KC, put him down." I heard Mr. Simpson's calm, yet stern voice. My hands were shaking. Letting go of Reese's shirt collar, I let out a breath. "KC, I suggest you go to your next class. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Walk straight to class without talking to anyone. Do you understand?" I nodded vacantly. "As for you Reese, get to homeroom. If you miss it again today, no basketball tonight."

Shit, I forgot there was a game tonight. Bad day to almost get a detention. I had finally clawed my way into a starting position – I guess my focus on anything [other] than girls helped my basketball skills – and tonight was the big test.

"Ms. Edwards, if I could see you in the classroom?"

I totally forgot Clare was there. Turning to face her, I saw emptiness. I expected anything; shock, anger, compassion. Instead, all I got was a face that had nothing. She looked straight at Mr. Simpson, but didn't seem to actually see him. The only reason I believed she was still alive was that she was clutching her books so hard, her knuckles went white.

"KC, I believe I asked you to go to class."

I was very close to ignoring that request. Then something lit up in her eyes: pleading.

That one emotion made me leave. I don't know what I did to warrant someone who cared enough to continue to get on my case about my probation – without words, no less – but I thanked God for it. Who knows? I might escape juvie in high school after all.

**Author's Note: I will always believe that there will always be a spark between the two, even through rage. I 3 KC.**

**Please R/R!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow... I'm updating far too much. I've run out of my "Cushion" chapters.**

**Sorry about the length. I just felt like there was a lot I needed to get said in this chapter because I didn't want to wait another KC chapter to get to the ending of this one. Clare has a bit more than KC to worry about, to say the least. **

**Thank you for your wonderful words! Please continue to review - I really appreciate your input/opinions!**

**DISCLAIMER: No own, I do.**

Clare's P.O.V.

When in danger, a human has one of two responses: Fight or Flight. I had always seen myself as a fighter; I protested against our Principle, KC had me make a fool of myself in the lunchroom, but I did do it… but lately?

I'm a flighter.

I followed Mr. Simpson like I was a lost puppy, which as recent events have proven, I sort of am. He closed the door behind us and sat at his desk. "Clare." A statement. Nothing I was obligated to respond to. "Your teachers are becoming concerned."

I wasn't expecting that. Perking up a bit, I questioned, "W-Why? Are my grades falling?"

A grin twitched on his lips. "No, Clare. Actually, you are doing shocking well. Almost perfect, actually. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Some of your teachers are using the adjective "obsessively"."

"That's an adverb, Mr. Simpson."

His smiled broadened. "I hope you forgive me." There was some sort of humor in his voice. Clare decided not to care. He coughed at his failed attempt to lighten the mood. "Clare, we're all very concerned. You're here, but not here. Sure, you answer every question without fault, you turn in your homework promptly, but there's something missing. Now, not to sound like People magazine, but is everything alright? Is it because of KC?"

Okay, life officially sucked when your teacher called you into his office to talk about boy troubles. "Mr. Simpson, I'm afraid I'm uncomfortable discussing this with you."

His eyes widened. "I, by all means do not want to pressure you." Clare could detect fear in his eyes, it took a while for realize why. Private talks with girls from the Edwards family didn't end well in the past. "I'm just saying that we are concerned."

"You're concerned that I'm doing well in school? That I'm focused on school, that I want to make it through high school?"

"No, Clare. That you're shutting down." He closed his eyes and for a moment, Clare saw all the years of being a teacher to broken students bring him further to exhaustion. "I-I don't want you to end up like your sister."

A new emotion she hadn't felt in quite sometimes flashed through her. "You mean, slitting my wrists and almost jumping off rooftops?" She spat. "Mr. Simpson, the accusation you are giving me is completely and utterly ridiculous. KC is very far from my mind. My relationship with him has reminded me of one thing and one alone. I am here for school, [not] for boys."

With that, I wheeled around and stormed out. I guess I should feel bad with how I behaved, but I was so mad at this point-

Mad.

There was an emotion that I hadn't felt in a really long time. Perhaps not since KC had given me the cold shoulder when I found out he lived in a group home. It burned from within me and I couldn't explain it. I didn't like being angry, but I was. I was angry. No, that wasn't strong enough. I was livid. I was wrathful. I was completely and utterly steaming with hate I couldn't see. I didn't even know [why] I was so upset, but I was. I wanted to scream. I wanted thrown things.

I wanted to cry.

I entered my class probably beat red, angry tears preparing to fall down my cheeks. Sitting next to Alli, I crossed my arms and stared straight ahead. I could feel her big, brown eyes on me. "Going to talk about it?"

"No." How could I talk about it? I didn't understand it.

"Then… wanna go to the basketball game today?"

I was about to say 'no' even more fiercely, but then Mr. Simpson's accusation of me practically becoming a robot rung through my ears. "Okay."

She squealed. "Ladies." A hard voice came from the front of the room. "Please remain quiet."

Alli raised her eyes to the ceiling before turning her attention back to me. "This is _so great_. I mean, you need to have a little fun! And never mind KC or Jenna or whatever. Me and you are going to dress up as the craziest Degrassi fans of all time, not to mention the hottest!"

She smiled to herself and I knew her mind was buzzing with all the outfits she was planning on making us wear. I sighed and almost laughed; that is until my eyes caught KC's. He was looking at me strangely, his dark eyes lit up for the first time in a while. Quizzically holding the gaze, he turned his attention back to the class.

The time between the basketball game was a blur. I'm not sure I actually learned anything today, which was new. I wasn't sure what I was wearing, which was also new. What I actually new is somehow, between 8:00 and 4:00 I managed to make it through all my classes and be seated at the basketball game without screaming at someone or punching a wall. I was so impressed with my personal triumph.

"Clare, I didn't think I'd see you at one of these things." I was snapped out of my reverie by Reese, who was leaning on the bleachers with a ball in his hands. "You're a lot tougher than I thought."

"I seemed to be surprising a lot of people today with this decision." I murmured, trying my hardest to not look at the court.

He smiled. "I'm glad."

"Reese!"

He turned at Coach Armstrong's bellow and then grinned. "Don't forget to cheer for me, Clare!"

As he ran off, Alli suddenly was at my side, tugging my arm. "Oh. My. You have to go out with him! He's totally into you! And you're totally into him! And this would be the perfect way to get back at KC!"

"Alli, I don't want to get back at KC." I groaned, now looking on the court. KC had his eyes fixed at the hoop but his hands were shaking. Crap. I didn't want to actually upset KC, especially before a game. I'd never seen the true might of his anger, but I knew it existed. But I did know the adrenaline rushes the male species experienced when playing contact sports, in this case, basketball. "And I have no intention of getting back at him by any means."

"Why not? If he did that to me, I'd be making out with Reese right now."

Clare gave a hard laugh. "I need to erase that mental image from my brain."

So I don't know too much about basketball. I learned a little watching KC when we were going out and I wasn't completely helpless like I was. I knew what a foul was, a free throw, a jump ball, but I didn't understand the point of running up and down a rectangle in order to put a leather ball through a hoop.

KC stepped out on the court with his large teammates, tucking in his jersey with a determined look on his face. I could tell his hands were still trembling; this was not good. I yearned to call out to him, but I kept the words inside. I gripped the edge of the bleacher, leaning forward slightly. "Come on, KC. Calm down. Calm down, KC. You can do this." I whispered almost inaudibly. "You can do this, KC. You can do this."

It was much worse than I expected. KC received two fouls within the first five minutes, only to be pulled off the court by a very upset Coach Armstrong. He was breathing hard, his hands in his hair and glaring in a piercing way that only KC could achieve. I felt my own hands shaking. Taking a deep breath, I unclamped my hands.

"Jeez, KC is flipping out today. I wonder if it's because you're Reese's new biggest fan?"

"Alli-"

"C'mon Clare! For once in your life you need to accept the fact that you've been given an opportunity! After the game, you should go up and tell him he play fabulously!"

"He hasn't even been on the court yet."

"But he will! And that's when you tell him his jump kicks or whatever the hell they are were awesome!"

I rolled my eyes, returning my attention back to the game. Reese was in now – probably for KC as luck would have it – and not performing too well. KC said something about players who like to use a lot of flash to do nothing, and I think I finally understood what he meant. I watched the ball go into between his legs, behind his back, but never to his teammates. He looked positively ridiculous.

At halftime, KC was allowed back on the floor. He still didn't seem particularly right, but he wasn't shaking anymore. After a few moments of questionable play, KC seemed to get his act together and get back into it. One of his teammates got his fourth foul, sending Reese back onto the court. I froze. Reese and KC had never played a second together before, part of me believing Coach Armstrong didn't want to deal with the drama that went along with it.

I couldn't blame him.

The game continued without major consequence until… a player from the other team rammed into KC as he was going for a layup. KC smashed against the wall, landing on his side. I sucked in a breath. Of course he was fine – just shaken and clearly pissed – but I couldn't help myself for entertaining the thought of him not getting back up. Alli shoved me. "Stop freaking out, he's fine." She looked a little pale too. "This game is so stupid. At least in football, they have padding." I could hear the quaver in her voice and it shocked me; I thought she stopped caring at all for KC.

His arms were shaking again. I stood up, completely unaware of my surroundings. I didn't know Alli was trying to pull me down or that several heads turned to my sudden action including a particular Power Squad member. KC was letting out strained breaths, throwing glares at his assailant.

I couldn't breathe. I knew that look. The ref handed him the ball at the free throw line and he looked at it. One of the players on the sideline opened his mouth and said something, but I couldn't hear. I watched KC's eyes flash. Crap. He went into his form, but I knew it was going to miss the moment the ball left from his hands.

It clanged off of the rim. The same player opened his mouth again and I saw the ball gripped a little tighter. Against all inhibitions, against everything that made sense, against everything in my heart, I cupped my hands over my mouth.

"C'mon KC! Don't listen to that jackass! Calm yourself down, center your feet, and shoot!"

"MS. EDWARDS!"

My name was hollered to the side as I saw KC turn, a look of shock mounted on his face. Then, complete and utter humor. That impish grin I used to lose myself in stretched across his face and he laughed.

"MS. EDWARDS! Get out of those bleachers at this moment!"

So Ms. Sovay was the one who was yelling at me. Alli almost pushed me off of the bleachers, her eyes blazing. "What the hell are you thinking, Clare?" She hissed.

I grinned. "Exactly. I'm not."

"MS. EDWARDS!"

I ran out of the gym before I was about to get escorted out. Before leaving, I shot one last glance over my shoulder. KC drained his free throw with a gigantic grin on his face.

When I was outside the gym, Ms. Sovay was yelling something about 'responsible, sportsmanlike practices of support for our school', when I just let out a sigh. "I apologize, Ms. Sovay. I just thought KC could use a laugh. I promise you it won't happen again. Actually, I'll just go home now."

I stalked away. Actually, Ms. Sovay did me a favor. I didn't want to go back in there and get yelled at Alli, get looks from KC, or have Alli come up with some sort of elaborate scheme to get me and Reese together. Instead, I walked home. To a place I never wanted to be. It just goes to show how much of a "Flighter" I am.

Even before I got into the house, I knew something was wrong. My house had been different before, but now it was completely different. I wasn't sure I wanted to open the door, but I knew I had to. A part of me had a PBS flashback of "moments that define you", but I let a hard laugh escape my lips. This was definitely not the time to reminisce on moments of my life that were a lot more innocent.

When I entered the door, I immediately wished I hadn't. "Where have you been?" The shriek came directly at me and I was frozen in place.

"W-What?"

My mother's hair was no longer perfect like it usually was, but strands were flying around her head. Mascara was running down her cheeks and her eyes were bloodshot. "Where. Were. You. Clare Ruth Edwards! Where were you!" Ever words got louder.

"M-Mom, I was at school." I stammered, tears welling in my eyes. "T-There was a-a basketball game. I-I went right after school-"

"You call me when you decide to wander off!"

I almost laughed in her face. I almost shouted. I almost told her that I had been gone every single night this week, praying that someone noticed I was gone.

"Rachel, don't yell at her!" My dad's deep voice came from the hallway. "She did nothing wrong!"

"Don't even talk to me." Mom seethed, turning her half-crazed on him. "You have no right! [You have no right to ever talk to me again]!"

"Rachel. We need to talk. Just calm down. We need to talk. Let's just take a moment-"

"NO! Moment's over, Paul! You had way too many moments when I was working. You had your-"

I felt like I was walking into a nightmare. I was completely invisible again after my brief moment of visibility. I took the time to scan the room, where my eyes were glued to a pair of suitcases. Sitting by the door. "Mom." I stated, unable to comprehend the screaming that was now enveloping my ears.

"-and the think, with _Clare _in the next room! You pig-"

"It's not like this is all on me! If you would actually be present and maybe, I don't know, act like a [mother] every once and a while-"

"_Do not_ try and tell me what's best for this family-"

"Mom?" I whispered, my back now pressed against the wall. "Mommy?"

The two stopped screaming and looked in my direction. The years of being Mrs. Edwards seemed to drag down her face and she took a deep breath. "I've had enough."

My father's dark eyebrows pulled down. "What?"

"I can't do this anymore."

She walked over the suitcases I was glaring at, and picked them up. Staring directly into my eyes, she stated, "I am so sorry, Clare."

And walked out the door.

"No." I whispered, not believing what I just saw. "No, mom."

For the sixth night in a row, I opened that door and ran. By this time, the car was already out of the driveway. "Mom!" I screamed, running after the car. "Mom!" Tears were now completely blocking my vision as I sprinted down the road after the car. "Mom! [Mom! MOM]!"

**Author's Note: Hmm... nothing really. Just please push the green button!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello!! So this Chapter is much smaller than the last one (go figure...) But I really wanted to get KC to resolve some stuff with himself and that was sort of necessary. So this point was KC sort of realizing a few things about who he was compared to who he is, and how he's taking control of his life.**

**Of course, it wont be as easy as he hopes...**

**Disclaimer. Moo. Do. Not. Own.**

K.C.'s P.O.V.

Clare wasn't here today.

I stared at her empty chair longingly. A part of me felt missing as I continued to not pay attention to the front of the class. I thought nothing could kill this buzz I'm going through right now, but her absence did the trick. I was on top of the world: I scored twelve points, five assists, three offensive rebounds, and four defensive rebounds all as a guard but the highlight of the evening was none of that.

It was Clare standing up and swearing in front of the entire school.

I nearly wet myself I laughed so hard. And the prick deserved it for what he was calling me, but the last person I thought would come to my mental rescue was Clare Edwards. The last person I thought would stand us and scream the word 'jackass' was Clare Edwards. And the last person I thought would be on my mind every second of every day was Clare Edwards.

We were polar opposites. She was a prissy, prude of a Christian wholesome girl and I am the fatherless, bastard child who was one step away from being locked up until I was eighteen. She cared way too much about things and I sometimes I wondered if I cared about anything. Sure, I was smart – the gifted program was true indication of that – and I did have my charming moments, but I wasn't really passionate about anything. When Clare built that damn robot, it was the first time I ever put my ingenuity for something constructive and I had a good time, even though I would never admit it.

Clare calmed me down, I was just going to have to admit that. I couldn't understand it myself, and there wasn't a lot of things in high school I didn't understand. I don't know what it was, but when she smiled or when she called me an idiot, or _heaven forbid_, she stood up in the middle of a basketball game and screamed 'jackass' for all to hear. My nerves just… calmed.

But she wasn't here today and it bothered me. It bothered me because all I wanted to do was thank her for preventing me from beating the kid's face in. It bothered me because I didn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about her. It bothered me because her not being here meant she was somewhere else and it made me hate that other place that was taking her away from me.

Damn, I had it bad.

So I made a resolution with myself. The next time I saw Jenna? Done. Whatever the twisted, toxic piece of filth was between us was done. I hadn't ever even called her my girlfriend, and yet she seemed determined to make it known that we were. The next time I saw Clare? I would tell her everything. Everything that happened, everything that had been happening, and most importantly, that I love her.

But she had to actually attend class first. The girl didn't show up. First period. Second period. Third period. Lunch.

When lunch came around, despite being a little annoyed with Clare's absence, I felt particularly confident. Taking my tray, I ignored the table of giddy Power Squad girls and walked to where Alli and Connor were sitting. "Can I sit here?" I asked, holding my breath.

Connor smiled. "Yes."

"No." Alli glared at Connor, who just shook his head.

"Clare's not even here today, Alli. Let him sit here today."

She fumed, but said nothing else. I took that as a semi-good sign. "Speaking of which, do you know where Clare is?" I asked, still looking around.

Connor shrugged. "I think she left after she screamed at the game. " I couldn't help but grinned as the memory flashed through my mind.

"Did she get in trouble for her-" I snorted. "-outburst? It wasn't even that big of a deal."

Alli's eyes were drilling holes into my face. "No." She snapped pointedly. "Ms. Sovay just gave her a warning, but she decided to go straight home."

"Hmm…" I murmured, no longer listening to her. No doubt Alli had now gone into some crazy rant about how horrible I am, but I just tuned her out. Why hadn't Clare come to school? It wasn't like the girl to just not come to school. Sometimes I wondered if she would live here if she could.

We walked into Mr. Simpson's classroom – well, Connor and I walked together with Alli trailing in pure hatred in the back – and I was getting unnerved. I really had no reason to be, the entire thought process was rather stupid (I would've kicked my ass two years ago). I stared at my computer monitor in some hopes that something would be on the screen to distract me.

I didn't need that very long.

"I-I'm sorry, Mr. Simpson."

My first thought was how pathetic the voice was. My second was how much I was glad I wasn't that person. My third? Oh shit.

When I finally tore my gaze away from my computer, I got all my answer in the worse possible way. I gaped like a complete idiot at the doorway at the figure who just entered. I couldn't take my eyes away but this time I wish I could.

Clare stood at the front of the class, shaking a little. Tears were still wet in her eyes and she was paler than I had ever seen her. Mr. Simpson just stared. "Uh, sure Clare. J-Just take your seat."

She nodded and sat down in the nearest seat: right next to mine like in months previous. She set her back down shakily and crossed her arms in her seat. I could tear my eyes away. How come every time I ran into this child, she was shaking? But there was no rain, it wasn't terribly cold outside, and she had a sweater on. But the way she grabbed her shoulders and glared blankly at her computer.

"Clare?" Alli hissed. "Clare, is everything all right?"

Her only response was to put her head down on her desk. Without any inhibition, I put my arm around her and pulled her chair closer to mine. For a moment, she resisted. But then it seemed like she just didn't have the strength anymore. Of course, she didn't reciprocate anything that I was doing, but at least she didn't throw my arm off in disgust.

She took a couple seconds and then pulled away. It killed me. I thought I was finally making it somewhere, I was finally going back to where it was supposed to be, and then it got torn away. I didn't blame her, because why should she trust me? But if I knew Clare – and I'm pretty positive I did – she wasn't going to tell anyone about this now. Not showing up puffy faced and practically sobbing in our gifted class.

For the remainder of the class, I didn't learn a single thing. Generally, I liked Mr. Simpson's lectures. He was the only teacher left in Degrassi that I didn't inevitably fall asleep in their class. Today, I couldn't tell if he was talking about computers or history. Try as I may, I couldn't keep my eyes off of the tiny girl to my right. Tears continued to roll and I couldn't begin to fathom what the cause could be.

Was it me? That, of course, was my first thought. It was easy to assume I was the cause for the destruction of lives with my world-famous gift, but then I wondered if I was giving myself far too much credit. It seemed like Clare and I were making progress…

The bell rang and she didn't move. I'm not sure she even understood what the bell meant anymore. I went to tap her shoulder and suddenly I was pushed out of my seat. I connected with the floor and gaped at the tiny Alli towering over me. "Clare? What's going on?"

She woke up from her slumber and stared at Alli as if she was just noticing her. "I-I-"

I never saw Clare with so much difficultly with getting words out. She clasped her fingers over the desk and then glared at the screen. "It's nothing." She seethed. "It's always nothing."

Standing up, she grabbed her bag and faced them. I had to clasp my hand over my mouth from letting out a yelp of shock. I hadn't seen her directly, but now I wished I hadn't. Her eyes were swollen and puffy, every piece of grief that I thought I held – no, strike that, the [world] held – was crashing around in her eyes.

"So just leave me alone." She stated venomously. "Because that's what I am. Alone. Always."

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to cry.

_Alone_.

Why couldn't we be alone together?

**Author's Note: Not much except, NEXT TIME: Drinking, Boys, and an A+... Huh?**


	9. Chapter 9

**So, quick stupid moment. I didn't realize that itallics and bold shows up on the uploader, so I've been leaving cues and doing it manually... ... ... riiiigggghhhht.**

**So another chapter before the day's up! I couldn't really call it 'angsty' Clare, moreover, Clare who is determined, yet broken. But aren't we all?**

**I just wanted to answer a few comments real quick that have stuck out (thank you so much and please continue!) because I don't know how to respond to them!**

**jayhogartismyangel: Thank you so much for the watch and all the reviews on every chapter!**

**Kate, degrassiobssession, & Francesca (and whoever else brought up this point): Don't worry, Reese is going to be in here. A lot. I still haven't tied down exactly what I want him to do, but I have 2 options. And they are polar opposites. I can't tell whether I want him to be all the way bad, or halfway (actually, you guys could give me your opinion!)**

**Erica_Louise: Thank you so much! You're comments give me much strength to carry one! *munches on virtual cookies* Delicious! **

**Jess: Thank you so much for the constant reviews! I really appreciate it.**

**LoveDegrassiXX: I really like writing KC's POV, which was surprising. I love angsty internal boys.**

**ShortyLilHalf-and-Half: Wow. Huge praise. Number one: Thank you! Number Two: The pressure's on!**

**KangaWu12: Thank you! Actually, writing it is helping the wait too!**

**hpsbiggestfanever: I can kinda hear them too... especially KC. He's quite loud.**

**ShadowDark: you keep predicting all my moves!**

**Everyone else! I think people will get annoyed if I do everyone, but I appreciate it all so much!**

Clare's P.O.V

Life used to make so much more sense. I knew what I was supposed to do. I was at Degrassi to learn, not for boys. If I got good grades in Degrassi, I would be able to get into a good college. If I got good grades in college, I'd be able to be a good job. If I got a good job, I'd be happy, right? It was simple mathematics, just as easy as multiplying by one. It made sense when that was my one goal, it made sense when I was focused. But nothing made sense anymore.

Secretly (and horribly, I'd have to admit), I blame KC. If he hadn't waltzed into Degrassi with his stupid skateboard and his stupid sarcasm and his stupid smile… I shook my head. Nothing would be going wrong now. If I had just stayed focused with my mind on school and not boys, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Because under my experiment, I found that when you most want life to go right, it goes wrong. If I hadn't suddenly changed – internally and externally – maybe my mother would've never left. Maybe my father would've never cheated. Maybe my family would still be intact. But this wasn't KC's fault.

This is my fault.

Wiping away the tears that never seemed to stop, I hesitated at my locker. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I didn't want to open it. I didn't want to grab my homework for the next period. Strike that. I didn't want to [go] to the next period. What I wanted to do is go back out and look for my mother, begging her to return home.

Last night, I lost the feeling all the way up to my knees. I don't know what was wrong, but I ran for hours, trying all my mom's favorite spots, asking people. It was four in the morning before I made it back to the house, defeated and alone. Well, I guess not completely alone. My father was there but he had an important date with a bottle of vodka that I knew I shouldn't interrupt.

I probably shouldn't have come to school today. I thought I could pull it together for a couple hours, but I couldn't. Try as I may, I couldn't force the memory of my mother hopping into the car and driving off, as if none of us ever meant anything. But I couldn't be home today and watch my father drown in a bottle of alcohol. I tried to remember the last place I felt safe and Degrassi came to my mind. A school. Another reason of why I lead such a sucky life.

At Degrassi, life makes sense. I have the answers. Formula for derivatives? f'=k+kn^n-1. Sinking of the Titanic? 1912. Electron? Negatively charged atom. I was asked the questions, knew the answers, end of story. I was the smart one. I should've never tried to have it all. I was the smart one. Not the pretty one, not the popular one, not the girl who got the boyfriend, the smart one. Done. I should never have wanted more.

So, as I opened my locker and replaced my books, I made a pact with myself. No longer would I focus on the fact that I couldn't hold down a boyfriend. No longer would I punish myself about not being good enough for KC – or any other boy for that matter – because the fact of the matter was, I wasn't. A sad, but true fact. No longer was I going to dwell on the fact that I was no longer good enough for my parents. My father traded me in for alcohol and my mother traded me in for who knows what, although I secretly prayed it wasn't Jello shots off of a 19-year-old.

I was the smart one. And that was that.

Grabbing my books, I felt someone skid next to me as I was trying to turn my will into iron. "Clare, what's going on?" KC's low voice rumbled in my ear, making it really hard to seal the pact.

At this point, I finally stopped my tears from rolling down my cheeks, my face mow stiff from the salt. I was probably severely dehydrated from my World Champion crying bout, but I just shut my eyes in order to rehydrate what was assuredly red raisins where my eyes should be. "KC, I'm really not in the mood to do this right now." I stated firmly, my resolve hardening.

"At the moment, I don't really care." He snapped, which forced me to focus all my attention on him. His eyes were boring into me like he was trying to read my thoughts. I always forgot how tall he was until he loomed over me like this. It used to make me feel safe, but now it just ticked me off. I should've worn taller shoes today… "What I care about is what's going on in your life that would make you wander around in the middle of the night and come to school a half a day late. Now tell me. What. Is. Going. On."

It wasn't even phrased as a question. Rather a statement of fact that should be followed with agreeance or rebuttal. "Nothing. I'm really sorry, KC. But when I say I have no intention of discussing this with you, I meant it."

"Oh, come on Clare. That's total crap." His grey eyes shone. "You used to tell me everything. You got mad at _me_ for not telling you everything. The least you can do is return the favor."

"Oh please, KC! That was like, ages ago! News flash for you, times have changed!" I almost shouted, but at the last moment took my decibel down a couple notches. I felt bad as soon as I snapped, but there was no taking back my poisonous tone now. Taking a calming breath, I breathed, "It's nothing that you need to worry yourself over because I'm fine. So please, just leave me alone."

"Clare," His voice went soft. For some reason, I think KC's mind was wired backwards. Normal people went away when people told him to, and yet he stayed. Instead of being angry that I was angry, he went gentle. "I know something's wrong because I know you. And I think-"

"I believe the lady asked you to leave."

I looked up and Reese was lumbering in our direction, his eyebrows narrowed. I groaned. The last thing I wanted was some testosterone-fueled death match, using me as the excuse to swing at each other. I wasn't a complete idiot; I knew Reese was only being nice to me to get to KC and it was starting to wear on me.

KC's eyes flashed and I watched his fists clench to my dismay. I did _not_ stand up in the middle of the gym and yell something horribly embarrassing only to have him punch someone else out the next day. "Shut up, Reese. I thought we had an understanding on this."

"Yeah, that I was to leave Clare alone if she didn't want me around. But it's a two way street, buddy. I believe she just asked you to leave and last time I checked, that means she doesn't want you around."

My pact was already getting destroyed and I was extremely annoyed with that fact. I had not one, but _two_ idiots ruining my newfound determination to shut myself off from the world. "I have a brilliant plan." I snapped, pushing my way through the two of them. "How about you _both_ leave me alone, and we call a spade a spade?"

Stalking away, I practically sprinted to my next class. I was tired of crying. I was tired of being tired. I knew that if I wanted to have any sort of stability in my life at this point, I would have to make it myself. When I should've been listening to the equation for Integrals, I pulled out a notebook. I've never really kept a diary before, but what I've understood was that you put your private thoughts on paper. I don't need a fancy leather-bound book that I could read by the fire with, I just needed lined paper that I could write down what I needed to do with my life. With a newfound confidence and a hardened heart, I flipped to the first page and wrote in block letters: **Goals**

_1. No more boys._

_2. School and only school is important._

I thought that summed it up. I wasn't here to get a boyfriend. Last time I checked, it destroyed everything about me, including my hopes and soul (Now _I_ was leaning toward the melodramatic). Degrassi is a school, not a teenage dating service.

By the time school was over, I felt good. Well, that wasn't entirely true. The fact that I was embracing that I was unloved and unwanted was rather depressing, but I was determined not to let it be the main part of my life anymore. So I didn't feel necessarily good, but very determined.

As I was about to exit the school with my inadequate head held high, someone caught my arm. I had never seen him before around Degrassi and I know this because I would remember those eyes. They were a frosted emerald, like the color trees look through a window after the snow. He had emo-wannabe black hair that fell before his face and wore baggy jeans. "Excuse me?" He asked, practically pulling me back into the school.

At first I wanted to snap at him, which would've been totally unfair. Instead I merely looked up. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry, I don't go to Degrassi and I'm looking for someone." Despite his delinquent appearance – I would never make a judgment on that again, thanks _again_ to KC – he spoke softly, almost caressing his words. "I suppose it'd be a long shot for you to know him."

"Degrassi is quite big." I agreed, realizing he still hadn't taken his hand off of my arm. Giving him a quizzical look, I was hoping he'd get the indication. He didn't.

"I'm looking for a student who's in 9th grade. His name is KC. KC Guthrie?"

I stared. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"Chase?" I heard KC's voice from down the hall. He was now running toward the two of us, his eyes completely round and full of… I have no idea. The kid was a puzzle, that's for sure. "Chase Johnston?"

"KC, my man!" He let go of my arm and darted down the hall. "Long time, no see!"

"What are you doing here?!"

Chase scowled. "Nice to see you too, dude." KC gave him an imploring look and I was too confused (or stupid) to move from where I was standing.

"Why were you talking to Clare?"

Chase lifted his eyebrows. "So that's the little vixen's name?" I pursed my lips.

"Funny," I seethed, unable to control my tongue. "I was just about to call you the same thing."

KC's mouth twitched. Regaining his composure, he asked, "What are you doing here?"

Chase appeared hurt. "Man, you leave our school and now don't even want to see me? We're _friends_, dude! Or at least, I thought we were."

My eyes widened. KC's past friend? Shouldering my bag, I wheeled away from them.

"That's absolutely perfect."

**Author's Note: Bum bum bum!!!! Yes. Meet Chase. KC's ex-best friend. Trouble ensues. It's very exciting... lol...**

PLease R/R! Lovelovelove CDL (not to be confused with Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte)


	10. Chapter 10

**Ah... the past. Adding another complication to the story. Loves!**

KC's P.O.V.

"What are you doing here?"

"C'mon, KC. That's not how you greet a long lost friend." Chase was grinning at me like he used to; it was lopsided and impish, full of mischievousness and bad ideas. There was that glint in his eye that screamed juvie. I never noticed it before when we were on good terms. Before I thought he was just a little crazy, but harmless.

Now I knew better.

"Chase, what are you doing here?" I repeated, not melting the coldness from my eyes. "You just waltz in here after a year of not speaking to me-"

"I'm here now, KC!"

"Not when I needed you." I stated venomously. I thought I was over it. I thought I stopped caring about this self asshole and my other friends from school. Incidentally, as it turns out, I wasn't. I still wanted to pound his head in the ground.

Chase's eyes grew wearied. "Are you still on that, Guthrie? I would've told you, if you would've answered _one_ of my phone calls, that you should've just given our names. We would've understood."

"If you were so understanding, why didn't you give the cops your own damn names?" I snarled, my hands shaking under the table.

He seemed to sense my gradually-turning-violent reaction. "Jeez, KC. Calm down."

"Are you shitting me?" Damn. My filter I put on in Degrassi was slowly but surely fading away. I used to swear like a sailor but decided to take a turn for the better when starting the school. Recent events seemed to alter that. "I lost my foster parents, got put in a group home full of strangers, and am not one step away from being thrown in jail and all you can say is _calm down_? Are you freaking kidding me?" I shouted the last part, earning both of us glares from the rest of the Dot.

That cheerleader bitch turned sorry mess Holly J. walked up to us an snapped, "If you two can't keep it down, I'm going to kick both of you out."

Chase gave her a look. "Excuse me? Like a little hobbit of a person like yourself could do anything."

My eyes widened. "Chase-"

"Well I can." Spinner walked up behind Holly J., his eyes flashed. He was big. Sure, I was tall, but I had the muscle tone of a string bean. This man was built and I knew he would be able to pound me into the ground and I wasn't afraid to admit it. "Order, eat, and get out. I don't want any trouble out of the two of you."

Well, piss it. Two seconds with an old friend and people are immediately assuming I'm about to rob the place. Perfect. I watched them leave with a scowl on my face. "Dude, you have to stop being an arrogant prick, _if you can_." I hissed, my face scrunching up in distaste. "I have a new life here and you're ruining it!"

Chase leaned back in the chair, lifting his eye brows at Holly J. "Well, sweetheart. Be a doll and fetch us some burgers, won't you?"

She glowered at him. "I hope you've had your dog of a friend neutered, KC. Because if I kick him where I want to and he's not, he may never have children."

My cheeks flushed. "Sorry about him, Holly J. We'll leave quickly, I promise."

She smirked. "No skin off my nose, pipsqueak. But really? Trading Clare for this punk ass? I didn't know you were allowed to trade diamonds for coal."

And she stalked away. Chase whistled. "Damn. Degrassi chicks are _psy-co!_ But, I did enjoy Clare." I gritted my teeth and he noticed. "Oh, c'mon KC. You know you and I have always had the same taste in girls."

My hands were shaking again. I needed to get in control of my temper, it was slowly spiraling out of control. "I would… appreciate it… if you didn't talk about… Clare… like that." I breathed, it coming more out as a hyperventilation.

Holly J. delivered our food. "Eat quickly, losers."

Chase picked at his fries. "Wow, you're a lot different, KC. I know we've had our rough patches, but you have to learn to smile again. This should be a compliment because as you know, I have marvelous taste in women."

I slammed my fists on the table. Ignoring the vicious glares now encircling us, I clutched my knife. "Last time I checked, you only went after skanks."

He chuckled. "Well, what's a guy to do? I got urges. Maybe if you gave into yours, you wouldn't be so testy all the time." Taking a huge bite of his hamburger, he continued without swallowing, "I guess that's why I was so infatuated with your Clare. She's pretty in an unconventional way and seems to be quite a spitfire. It's refreshing."

"What the hell did I just say?"

"Wait." He gave me one of those more serious looks that only preceded some sort of crime. "She isn't your girlfriend, is she?"

"No." Of course he had to ask that. I only wished it every moment of every day and just when I felt like I was about to blow my brains out, he had to ask the one question that agonized my mind. "She's just a very close friend."

He let out an unbelieving breath. "It didn't look like it. It looks like the girl's pissed at you."

"She's an ex-girlfriend."

"Ah!" He gave a sort of girly squeal, kinda reminding me of Alli. "I get it all now. Want the girl back, but no go? Sorry man, rough luck. No dating exes, that man rule number one. Gotcha here." He smiled, touching his nose.

I just rolled my eyes. "Will you please leave Clare out of the conversation? You never even said why you were here anyway and how long you'll be here."

That wicked crooked grin stretched on his face again. "Leave you wanting more, huh? I have a similar effect on women." I was going to have to focus, otherwise I might plunge a butter knife into the boy's chest. "I'm here for a while. You see, I just got expelled from school and I'm now living with my bitch of a grandmother as she sits on her ass all day." He widened his eyes. "As entertaining as that sounds, I'm going crazy. This is worse than juvie, I promise you. I'm going crazy. I was thinking we should hang out. Just like old times."

"In the old times, I nearly got put behind bars." I spoke through my teeth. "So I'm going to have to say no."

"C'mon, KC! Let's forget the fact-"

"-that you abandoned me to whatever fate I was going to get?"

Despite being blindly angry, I couldn't be entirely wrathful toward him. Sure, my life was extremely limited now and I was stuck in a situation that made me want to give up, but I have a feeling that it would've been much worse if I hadn't been caught. I was spiraling downward and being caught brought me back up. Degrassi was a second chance and although I despised that face my friend allowed me to take all the blame for the damn car incident, if they hadn't? Who knows? I could be in jail or dead from an overdose…

Hell, I'm so glad Clare didn't know that about me.

As if I conjured her before me, she walked through the door of the Dot, her books clasped in her hands. She walked into the Dot as if the Queen herself had demanded it to be done. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of the brilliant, yet ridiculously stubborn ex-girlfriend of mine. A chuckle escaped my lips.

It didn't pass Chase's attention. He turned to her direction. Damn. It didn't help that she no longer looked like she'd been crying for five days straight. I wished she looked like a drowned cat again – as adorable as that was, I knew Chase wouldn't be into it. But with her waltzing in here, looking rightfully pretty, I wanted to stand up and tell her to leave. I know I had no right to Clare, but I'll be damned if I ever let Chase get his hands on her.

I was caught out of my reverie by Chase whistling again. "Well, crap. It's like forbidden fruit, ya know? I'm gonna have to beat your ass down for taking her off the market."

I stood up, throwing a ten dollar bill on the table. All eyes were on us now, including the small girl tucked in the corner with her books. "Chase, I'm done here. No, I do not want to hang out with you." Bending down low, I grabbed his shirt collar.

"And if you even come near Clare, I will do something that I'll be happy to go behind bars for."

**Author's Note: Dang it, KC. I don't want you to go to juvie!**


	11. Chapter 11

**So I don't have much to say except this: IT WILL GET BETTER. I PROMISE. I have no intention of torturing these characters forever.**

Clare's P.O.V.

Boys , boys, boys, boys, boys, boys… I could go on forever, and yet I still couldn't get them off of my mind. You would think that if you stuck your head far into a Chemistry book, they would disappear. I mean, who thinks about boys when studying… chemistry? Crap.

It should be against the laws of physics for me to be to be studying and watching KC all at once. I had an excuse; everyone else is doing it. Yes, I'm a lemming. Watching KC pull on the collar of that creep gave me some sort of pleasure, much to my dismay. I really shouldn't judge who KC should or should not beat up.

But the kid was creepy. There was no way dancing around it. I tried to imagine KC around him and a group like him every day, but couldn't. Even if I thought KC was stupid at the moment, I had to give the boy some credit. He wasn't _that_ stupid.

I stood before my house, afraid of what I might find. When I left this morning, it was like my childhood nightmare had come to life, the only difference that it smelled a lot more like alcohol. When I opened the door, it was ten times worse. I had to plug my nose when I entered the house. How could it have gotten worse since I left?

Then I got my answer.

My dad was passed out on the couch, but there was glass all around him. Looking at the wall, I let out a small shock. It seemed that my father had taken to chucking bottles of beer all around our house, it now rolling down the walls in a gross, pungent mess. "Dad," I wheezed, going over to the couch and shaking him. "Dad! Wake up!"

Groaning came from the pillows. At least he wasn't dead. I think I was growing a horrible sense of humor as I thought about my newfound cynicism as I thought of what a rotting body would do to the smell of this place. Grabbing his hard, I helped him stumbled off of the couch. "Dad!" I huffed, almost falling over with him. With much effort, I managed to get him upright and out of the living room. Nausea hit and I almost fell over. Somehow by powers much higher than me, I managed to get him in the room and close the door.

Then I sprinted to the bathroom.

Retching in the toilet, I clutched my stomach. What a right mess this had turned out to be. Splashing some cool water on my face, I shook my head. I looked at my reflection and sighed. I could tell a lost cause when I saw one. I thought I was pale before, but now I rivaled a character in a sappy teenage love story about vampires. I slapped my forehead. I just compared myself to Twilight.

Life: 20. Clare: 0.

Toweling off my face, I heard a light tap on the door. I peered out of the bathroom, a little confused. The tapping came again.

For a brief moment of happiness, I ran to the door thinking my mother had come to her senses and decided to come home. I flung the door open and froze, my eyes widening more than they ever have. "KC. What are you doing here?"

As the horrible smell of my father's drinking game wafted out I watched his nose wrinkle and I closed my eyes. Slamming the door shut behind us, I grabbed his arm and dragged him far away from my front door. I couldn't help but stare. "Are you going to answer?"

"Clare, have you been drinking?" He whispered, his face appalled.

My first response was complete anger at the jerk who didn't seem to know a thing about me. Secondly, I was then appalled because I realized I smelled like alcohol and this was a logical conclusion to reach. "N-No, KC, that's preposterous." I realized I was talking very quickly. "My, uh, father had a party and we're in the process of cleaning up."

His eyes revealed that he wasn't buying it. "They had a celebration about what? The fact that he just bought a brewery?"

"What do you want, KC? Because as you can tell, there is still a large amount of cleaning that needs to be done." Now that wasn't a lie, despite the fact I was getting very good at it.

His eyes narrowed, but the consternation didn't come off on his tone. "I wanted to apologize for Chase. He's-"

"A chauvinistic jerk who enjoyed himself, I get it." I snapped. Everything I once thought about knight in shining whatevers was gone. I don't have a knight in shining whatever and I probably never would. What I did have was my iron will and my 'Goals' list. Slightly less romantic, but it was going to get me through this. "Listen, KC, you don't have to apologize for him."

"I do if he's going to be staying around here."

I raised my eyebrows. "What?"

He ran if fingers through his hair, his face covered in apologies. "He, uh, is going to be staying in town for a while with his grandmother. I'm kinda afraid he might hit on you, whenever the opportunity presents itself."

"Well, lucky for you, I can take care of myself." I tried not sounding resentful, but I couldn't help it. I still felt slightly nauseous and all I wanted to do was get the disgusting beer residue off of our walls. "And, also lucky for you, I've learned caution around boys."

I had to close my eyes as the corner of his eyes squeezed with the last jab. I knew it was rude and uncalled for, especially since I had recently decided that drama given from boys in any matter was prohibited, and this definitely fell under that category. "I'm sorry, Clare." He whispered. "I didn't mean to bother you."

Dang it, this was breaking my pact with myself. "Wait, KC." I grabbed his arm before he could walk away entirely. Gripping his sleeve, I looked into those sad, grey eyes and stopped. It was like I couldn't breathe anymore. I distinctly remember this uncomfortable feeling happening in the past. For a moment, I forgot what I was going to say. I forgot that my father was passed out in my house, my mother was gone, and I was severely inadequate for KC or any other boy for that matter. All I knew was that there were specks of gold in KC's iris', which seemed to rain whenever he was about to cry. "I, uh-" I couldn't find my voice.

We were closer than I remembered. His chest was almost touching mine now, and now my fingers were wrapped around his arm instead of just folds of fabric. For a reason I don't know, I started breathing harder and my heart began to beat like it wanted to be out of my chest. I could hear it and I was positive KC could hear it too. We just stood there for a moment until I realized how horrible this moment must be with me smelling as horrible as I did.

I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him slightly. Nothing vicious, of course, but more of a help to his direction. "I didn't mean to say that." I choked, giving him an encouraging smile. An encouraging smile to leave. "It wasn't fair. I just want to make sure you know that."

I tried to be happy with my smile, but I know for a fact it looked pained. Tears were coming in my eyes and I had to get out of there. Dashing to my front door, I darted inside and locked the door.

*~*~

Here I was again. It didn't take too long. I was standing in the middle of a room, no one around. Slowly, the lights began to fade. I panicked; I knew what was happening. Darting around the room, I tried to find a way out, but I couldn't. As the darkness licked my fingers, I opened my mouth to wail, but no noise came out. I was slowly being eaten alive by the dark, no one there to even realize I was screaming.

_Crash._

I flung up from my slumber, a cold sweat beading my face. My breath was heavy; I got out of bed with my legs shaking. I strained my ears for the noise that made my nightmare evaporate, but it never came. Opening my door, I peeked outside.

_Slam._

My heart skipped a beat. Without any thought toward the rational, I grabbed my Chemistry textbook off of my desk and armed myself with it. If I hadn't been so terribly frightened at the moment, I probably would've laughed at the sight of me attacking an intruder with Chemistry. What was I going to have them do? Balance an equation for me?

Tiptoeing down the stairs, my nerves calmed to see my own father. I was slightly sickened at the way his legs waved around as if he wasn't in control, which I knew for a fact he wasn't. Gripping the railing of the stairs, I called, "Dad, what are you doing?"

He muttered something inaudible and I reached the conclusion he was drunk. I walked to the room he was in and froze. He was throwing stuff in a suitcase, murmuring to himself frantically. "D-Dad, what are you doing?"

"Kid, I'm going after your mother." He slurred, trying unsuccessfully to latch his suitcase. I scrambled over to him, taking his hands off the handle.

"No, you're not!" I cried, appalled. "You can barely stand, you're not going to drive a car."

"Let go, Clare!" He shouted, shoving me to the side.

My arm slammed against the coffee table and I lay on the ground in shock. His breath was now more like a toxin, infecting everything in my life. I couldn't move. I just sat, terrified. "Dad?" I whimpered, afraid I was losing the last piece of family I had.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "Clare bear, I'm sorry. But I will find your mom and we _will _be happy again. I promise you this."

"But Dad, you can't drive! You're drunk!"

He shook his head. "No, Clare. I'm not. And I will fix this family."

"Daddy, are you going to leave me too?"

He was out the door before I could finish my sentence.

Someone once told me there was a fine line between dreams and reality. As I lay there that night and sobbed, I wondered desperately where that line had gone.

**Author's Note: *shuffles feet* Yes... I'm horrible. But these are the moments that define true character, right? As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she'd put in hot water."**

**Please push the magic green button!**


	12. Chapter 12

K.C.'s P.O.V.

Wow.

It was simple and stupid, but it was the only thing that was crossing my mind was _wow._ I was laughing. Strike that. I was full on leaning my head back, want to shout onto a mountain, write her name in the sky happy that I almost wanted to shut myself up. I wasn't even entirely sure what I was so happy about. It wasn't like I told her I loved her or she totally forgave me for my behavior, but it was a start. It was a crawl toward the finish line.

I was a little upset for her apology. If anyone should be getting on their knees, it should be me. And just when I thought that my heart couldn't take another wrench, she didn't pull away. There was a moment that I knew I would remember for the rest of my life. Even if Clare and I never got back together, I at least moved on with the notion that everything would be alright between us.

I bet I should've been perturbed that when Clare opened the door to her house, it smelt like the bars my buddies and I used to sneak into. My accusation against her was just a reflex, but I almost laughed as the words were coming out of my mouth. Clare? Drinking? May as well defy the laws of physics while we're at it.

I hopped on my skateboard, completely serene for the first time in weeks. The wind whipped through my hair and I just wanted to go faster. Grinning from ear to ear, I practically flew back to home. I had never been happier to just sit down and be; I no longer needed be doing something at every second to distract me from my totally crappy life. All I needed was for this one moment to be happy, and happy I was.

Swinging the door open, I bolted to my room. There was something I had to do. If I didn't do it now, I wouldn't do it ever. "Nate!" I called down the hall. "I'm going to use the phone really quick!"

"Who are you calling?" A distant yell replied.

"Jenna!"

There was a horribly concealed groan that followed. I laughed.

Picking up the phone, I stared at the instructions above the phone. _To all tenants: Reminder to keep calls to twenty minutes and only approved receivers are allowed. Thank you._ How Nate approved Jenna, I'll never know. Heaven knows he doesn't like her.

Punching in her number as quick as I can, I couldn't keep still as it rang. I felt my feet quivering. I was just too excited to wait. After the fourth ring and what felt like twenty years of my life, that sultry voice answered, "Hello?"

"Jenna, its KC."

"KC! I've been meaning to call you! Rumor is going around that you have a blast from the past stalking you-"

"Jenna-"

"-that must be rough. Hopefully you'll be able to push past it all-"

"Jenna-"

"-I mean, come on! Does he honestly think that you'll just pick up where you left off? How delusional-"

"Jenna!"

"Yeah, babe?"

"We need to talk."

There was a pause. Her next words were spicy. "Are you breaking things off with me because of your prude little bitch-"

"Do _not_ call her that." I seethed. Every ounce of guilt I felt for doing this was now gone. I just seemed to clench up when people called Clare a 'bitch' more than anything else because it gave me a flashback of our Principal and their scuffle. When the Shep called her that, I briefly considered what the consequences were to throwing a camera at a principal's head. They weren't good. It was lucky Clare was as hard-headed as I was because she ended taking matters into her own hand.

"Than what, KC? Out of the blue, you just drop everything we have-"

"What do we have?" I cried. A few heads popped out of the TV room, all narrowing their eyebrows. I mouthed 'Sorry' and took it down a couple octaves. "This is not out of the blue, because we were never in the blue. I have never called you my girlfriend, I never asked you out on a date! You seem to have this fantasy that we are actually dating when in reality, we're not!"

"So what now, KC? Going back to little Miss Perfect? Do you think she'll even take you back?"

I was getting annoyed with her chides. "I don't even care at this point. The actual reason I'm calling is just to say that I can't do whatever we're doing. I should never have led you on and for that, I'm sorry."

"Just shove it, KC. I don't need your apologies."

Then the dial tone. I gave the phone an odd look and shrugged. I couldn't have asked for anything better. And, despite my broadening grin, I _did_ feel slightly bad. I mean, I shouldn't have encouraged her behavior, but then again, she shouldn't have gone after me when I was dating someone.

Tossing the phone down, I beamed. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. "How goes the rebound?" Nate asked, walking through the halls with a couple of bottles of water. His nose wrinkled with disgust and he threw the bottles in the TV room.

"Nonexistent." I replied cheerfully. Grabbing a water from him, I raised an eyebrow. "I'm just trying to cut some of the drama out of my life."

Nate's eyebrows lifted and he was unable to hide a smirk. "No more crazy cheerleader?"

"Nope!"

"I'm impressed! And… somewhat relieved. I'm not sure I could've handled much more of her."

I grinned. "That makes two of us."

"I have to admit, when you started to see her after breaking off things with Clare, I was seriously considering revoking all your visiting privileges."

"Can you even do that for no reason?"

He lifted his eyebrows. "Hey, you steal a car? I own your life. End of story." I couldn't tell whether I was allowed to laugh or not. Despite his friendly attitude, I was afraid of this man. But then he chuckled. "And what are you saying 'no reason'? I think trading Clare in Jenna? I think that counts as punishable."

I lowered my eyes. "I know, I know." Sighing heavily, I pursed my lips and looked up at him. "I made a real mess of things, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did. But at least you understand this now. Now, how are you going to fix it?"

I stared. "I'm confused as to what I just did."

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon KC. That was only one part of it. How are you going to fix the rest of it?"

"What do you mean? It's not like I can just snap my fingers and everything is back to normal!"

Nate's eyes softened, but his tone remained firm. "KC, I need you to know that in this life, if you're going to claw your way out, you have to do it yourself." He put a hand on my shoulder. "I know life is tough for you, kid. To tell you the truth, I didn't want you here. I heard about your past deeds and it took them an entire week to convince me to let you in."

I couldn't help but gape at him. "B-But you never told-"

"Why would I tell a fifteen year old that I didn't want him near me? Especially one in the foster system. I figured you'd felt enough rejection as it is, even if I was afraid to have you in this house."

I bit my lip. "Um,"

"You totally changed my mind and I'm glad you're here." He smiled. "KC, you'll bounce back. You're a fighter. Not many juvenile delinquents without parents can show up in gifted programs wearing skater outfits. You don't fit any mold. I'm positive you'll figure it out."

For the first time in my life, I felt like someone cared. Sure, I have friends and I think they cared at one point, but not an adult. I couldn't help but gape at him incredulously at him. "Nate!" Someone hollered from further in the house.

Nate took his hand off my shoulder and exhaled. "Duty calls. Listen, kid. I want to know how this works out. Tell Clare I miss having her around and a lot of the younger girls miss her too."

A smile twitched on my lips. "Thanks, Nate. I'll be sure to tell her."

**Author's Note: I thought I'd put some calm in before the storm...**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, so I wasn't going to put this up quite yet, but I had such a blast writing it, I couldn't help it. This chapter? Entirely devoted to the two lovely characters of KC and Clare. I love dialogue, so be prepare for male escorts, legal unions, and the Degrassi "hot" list!**

**Oh, and on a totally unrelated note, I found that many of you want Reese and Clare to go on a date. I think mainly for KC's purposes of being AWOL (don't worry, we'll have plenty KC tantrums coming) but I found it rather hilarious. Then it hit me. Clare + Reese = Clareese. Lol... hannibal's brain is exploding somewhere.**

Clare's P.O.V.

The house was still. I felt like I was in a movie when everything went in slow motion and I was standing still. Everything was still.

But I got up. When my alarm went off, I instantly got out of bed and got dressed. I even brushed my teeth. I walked downstairs and fixed myself breakfast. All the time I was trying not to let the horrible silence get to me. The fear that my father, completely wasted as he skidded out of our driveway last night, was not in ditch somewhere dying. Heck, I would take him in prison over that.

I snagged my bag and opened my door, staring at the person standing outside. KC held his skateboard in his hands, giving me that loopy grin he always wore when we were dating. I closed the door cautiously and stepped over to him. "Is this a new service that Degrassi is offering that I'm not aware of?"

His smile broadened. "Yes. It's the new PG-rated male escort program. You, Clare Edwards, have the luck of our sexy skateboarder model."

I tried really hard not to laugh, but a chuckle escaped my lips. "Oh, whatever could I have done to deserve such an honor?"

"Well, you must be ranked high on the Degrassi 'Hot' list, otherwise I'm afraid you wouldn't be able to afford me."

"So now I have to pay for you? That seems morally despicable. I'm not sure my conscious could remain intact with such a stain."

KC shrugged. "I guess you could get a free trial, just to see if you like what you've been given."

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I burst out laughing, clutching my bag close so I wouldn't entirely fall on the ground. Secretly, I blame it on the lack of sleep. Too many hours of being awake combined with emotional trauma made me some sort of psychotic female. Instead of looking at me like I was utterly crazy, he just laughed too and started walking to school. "You can come and walk with me, you know."

I couldn't help but be slightly weary of whatever the boy had planned, but much to my surprise, I ended up following him. He smiled, a touch of excitement present at the corner of his lips. "Wow, I didn't think you would give in that easy, Edwards. I think you're going soft."

"Neither did I, but I'm past the point of caring this early in the morning." My instincts told me I was breaking Rule #1 on my Goals list, but I couldn't help it. After a night of being entirely alone, it felt nice just to have a close contact again. I scooted closer, hoping the action wouldn't give any unwanted awkwardness. "Trading the wheels for feet? How very un-KC of you."

He gave his board a squeeze. "Man, I missed this thing."

I pursed my lips. We both knew what he was referring to, both not wanting to get into it. Jenna, in her hopes to completely dominate everything I loved about KC, refused to let him skateboard when she had much more pressing matters in mind: him walking her to school. It was then when I realized that KC without his skateboard was like peanut butter without jelly.

I let the comment slide because I was thrilled to have someone to walk with. "Well, I'm glad it's back at its proper place: your personal hip attachment. I find you weird and nerdy without it."

"This coming from a girl who used to wear a private school uniform to school every day?"

"KC?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up, please."

He rolled his eyes. "Leave it to you to say 'please' after telling someone to shut up. You're far too nice for your own good."

"I can't see being nice as a bad thing, no matter what angle I look at it."

KC nodded and then ran his fingers through his thick hair. "Well, let's say you are the 'nice' person and step aside when a situation is cruelly unfair to you? Just because you're being nice, doesn't mean it's the best decision. That is a good equation to get walked all over, Clare."

"How about a situation when there's no right answer?" I challenged, this conversation getting a little closer to home than I would've liked. "And the 'nice' way out is the only one that will keep me from compromising what I believe in?"

"Aren't we getting existential today?" He chuckled, but the humor didn't reach his eyes. "Let me give some advice, also free of charge. If being the 'nice' one makes you miserable, I suggest trying to take control of the situation. We can't all be saints, Clare."

My mind wandered to my **Goals** list and I couldn't help but grin. We walked in silence for a couple moments and I found myself drifting toward him as we walked. He was just so… _warm_. Our hands touched briefly and I recoiled. "Jeez, Clare. You're freezing." He just won the Most Obvious Award. "Don't your parents put on heat in the evening?"

I resisted the urge to let out a humorless laugh. "My parents are…" Gone. Insane. Disappointing. "Currently busy with other things at the moment. And I was preoccupied when I went to sleep last night. I had no intention of turning myself into a popsicle, if that's what you were implying."

"Clare, I never imply anything. I just say it straight out." He tried flashing me a mischievous look, but I remained stony with all my effort.

"A trait, might I add, has gotten you into a bit of trouble in the past."

"Ah, well. What are you gonna do?" He adjusted his beanie, lifting his eyes to the sky. Dark clouds loomed overhead, which made me uncomfortable. It looked like it would be another stormy night, something I wasn't sure I could handle at the moment. "Hey, I know this may be a bold statement, but do you want to come over to my house to study? You haven't been there in a while and Katy and Jess are asking for you about every day."

I smiled at the mental image of the two twelve year old girls who had attached themselves to me whenever I was present. "I miss them," I tried to mask the longing in my voice.

"That's why you should come over!"

"But KC, I don't know if Jenna-"

He let out a snarl. "-is out of the picture, thank God." His fists shook slightly and I can't imagine her doing anything that would make him suddenly so angry. Unless, of course, she cheated on him which I wouldn't put past her. "I'm trying this new thing where I'm gonna stop being the 'nice' one and start cutting out the toxins in my life. I gotta tell you, Clare, it's quite freeing."

"Yes, because I can imagine a beautiful, blonde cheerleader is such an imposition for you." I tried to keep my tone light, but I knew it was like dropping an anvil on his head.

He seemed unperturbed. "Unfortunately, I'm not really a blonde cheerleader type of person. Especially the kind who prohibits the use of my skateboard."

"I'm not going to argue with that."

"Clare-" He turned to face and stopped walking. I knew this was coming.

"KC, listen. I don't know why you broke whatever you had off with Jenna-" He laughed, revealing he didn't know what it was either. "-and I'd be stupid to fall under the false presumption that I had anything to do with it. So before this conversation takes a turn for the awkward, I'd like to say that, despite our past, I would like to try and remain friends."

He stood there, a shocked look mounted on his face. "Damn," He whispered, although I wasn't sure I was supposed to hear that. "I guess Nate was right."

"Excuse me?"

Rubbing the back of his neck, he shuffled his feet. "Aw, it's really nothing. He just said that things would work out, but I told him it would take a lot more than me just showing up at your house."

I fought a grin. "Like you said Guthrie, I've gone soft."

"Mmm, not going to complain about that." After a pause of hesitation, he wrapped his free arm around her shoulder. "Now I have my two favorite things in the world in my arms."

"Great. You're comparing me to a skateboard."

He grew serious. "I don't think you understand how important this skateboard is to me, Clare Edwards."

"Of course not, stupid. It's a board on wheels. Give you a loincloth and a mallet and you could represent the Devonian Age."

He burst out laughing. His chest heaved up and down and I tried to recall a time when he last laughed like that. The closest thing I could think was four weeks ago when we were discussing the relevancy of intelligence in sports. I mentioned something about my consideration of giving the Basketball team a workbook with brain stimuli so they could learn to think critically, and he lost it just like now. It was nice. I liked being the only one that could force this sort of extreme reaction out of him.

"Ah, Clare. One of these days I'm going to teach you that a skateboard is not scary. I may even teach you how to ride it."

"That is definitely not going to happen."

"Oh, come on! The worst thing that could happen is you could fall off!"

"I was thinking more along the lines of: I could die."

Snorting, he brought the board in front of my face. "The chances of you dying on this piece of wood, especially when I'm there to supervise, is worse than you being hit by a blimp."

I raised my eyes to the heavens. "Thank you, for that vivid, yet totally unnecessary mental image."

He returned the board to his side and took his hand off of my shoulder. I kinda wished he hadn't; I was just beginning to warm up. "So," He began, timidity in his tone. "We're friends, then?"

"Yeah." I couldn't help but be suspicious.

"And as such, we participate in the tradition of bonding over personal information, correct?"

"KC, this is a friendship, not a legal union."

He beamed, his stiff shoulders relaxing. "Well, since we're friends, isn't it appropriate to assume that if I asked you a question, you'd answer it."

Now I was definitely suspicious. "Considering the hiatus our friendship has recently encountered, I'd say it depended on the question."

"You have gone soft so I'm going to take advantage of this."

"Great. Another reason to take advantage of me."

"As I said, we can't all be saints. Clare, why did you come to class yesterday so upset? What's going on?"

I froze. This was not the question I was expecting. Instead, I figured something along the lines of our previous relationship or Reese, maybe even something regarding Chase. _Not_ about home. "Oh." Was the only response I could muster. "_That._"

"Yes, that. I couldn't stop wondering yesterday – it was driving me insane."

"You were insane long before you met me, Guthrie."

He didn't crack a smile. "Despite the truthfulness in that statement, I'd like to tell you to keep on topic."

"It's just," I brought my hands up to my face and nibble my fingernails uncomfortably. I wasn't ready to explain the situation. My money was on my father at home when I got there. Or my mother bursting through the door when she found out he left. "Life at home has been… complicated."

"Well, explain. Maybe I can help uncomplicated it. Or be a shoulder to cry on."

The offer was much too tempting for its own good. We reached the school. I let out a sigh of relief and bounded up the stairs. "I'll keep that in mind. But for now? We need to get to class. I've been horribly late the past two days and need to make up for it."

"Clare-"

"In good time, KC." Anything to postpone this horrid conversation. "But now I think is time for school."

KC opened his mouth as if he was going to argue, but then shut it. Then he groaned. "But I have to go get my books, which means going to my locker, which _means_ being by Jenna. Thanks to your brilliant plan."

I couldn't help but smirk. "A small price. All is fair in love and war, right?"

"You're going to be the death of me."

I merely smiled, allowing him to catch up with me. "But I wouldn't be me if that wasn't the case, now would I? I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'Above all else – to thineself be true'." He laughed and ruffled my hair, to which I gave him a surly look.

Too bad I didn't know who my 'thineself' was.

**Author's Note: First Eleanor Roosevelt, then Shakesepeare? I'm afraid I'm pretending to be cultured. Sorry... That's one of my favorite Shakespeare lines of all time. Good words to live by.**

***In cheesy game show voice* Coming next, we've got Reese, Chase, and a poor, unsuspecting girl in the middle of a triangle of hatred among boys. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Ah! Here we are! Here comes. Answers? Sort of, I guess. Take what you want... hee hee...**

KC's P.O.V.

"Quoting Shakespeare?" I mocked, sprinting up to catch her. My spirits were above high. Despite the fact that I was slightly crushed that she said we were 'just friends', I couldn't be happier. We just had a conversation that could've gone horribly south, but it didn't. Actually, she seemed very determined that whatever happened between us was to work out successfully. I wasn't complaining, but it was odd. "It seems like all that's missing is your uniform."

"I thought I told you to shut up." I could detect the playfulness in her tone and I couldn't help but smile. It'd been a while since I heard such a thing.

"You told me that like, I don't know, five minutes ago. Since then, we've have serious discussion, thus negating the request for me to shut my mouth."

Instead of walking directly to my locker, I followed Clare in the hopes that the delay would prevent me from seeing Jenna. Now, if I could just avoid her for the remainder of the term, everything would be perfect. She gave me a curious look but didn't mention anything about me following her. This had to be my lucky day. February 22nd – a new landmark in the life that is KC Guthrie. Perhaps my rotten luck about to change…

"Hey! That's my stuff!" Clare shouted, now running down the hall. I watched in horror as Jenna was tearing through Clare's locker, chucking her belongings on the ground. "What are you doing?"

Okay, maybe not.

I caught up with Clare, who was gaping at Jenna like she was some sort mutant. I couldn't help but feel the same way. "Jenna, what are you doing?"

Jenna turned, those huge brown eyes brimming with tears. "What do you _think_ KC? Do you think I want to be standing next to you for the remainder of the year? I can't even look at you and that stupid bitch-"

Rage flashed through me. "You do _not-_"

"The 'stupid bitch' has a name." Clare snapped, completely unaware that I was trying to show her how much I cared. The whole knight in shining armor crap. Bending down and grabbing her ruffled textbooks and disheveled notebooks, she got right into Jenna's face with a power that I've never seen. "It's Clare. And for the record, I have done nothing to you. I sat aside when you single-handedly ruin my life. I'm not going to sit here and take this crap anymore."

Jenna was frozen in place. Come to think of it, so was I. Everyone in a 20-locker radius had turned to stare at Clare as she held all of her books tightly in her hands and glowered. "So here's the new deal. You don't like me. I don't like you. So please, stop trying to do all this drama. Because it's loud and it makes you look bad."

She wheeled around to face me and I still hadn't quite gotten over her little outburst. I knew my mouth was hanging open, to which she merely lifted her eyebrows with a coy smile. I knew my face now registered and I was grinning. Jenna's livid eyes blazed in my direction, her hands shaking. "Y-You…"

My eyes widened. "That is my cue to leave. Quickly."

I shuffled off, trying not to hear the snickers behind me. Or the words about Clare. How her actions made her 'hot' or whatever. That just made me see red. I didn't want anyone else to see Clare in that way. Now, I understood that this was pretty much an impossible task, especially since she was, well… _her._ But the idea of someone else holding her the way I wanted to, kissing her the way I wanted to… I had to shake my head. We just started being friends again, I didn't want to risk it.

She was putting her stuff in her locker gingerly, rubbing her left temple. With a heavy sigh, she placed the last book inside the locker and slammed it. "You ok?" I asked, afraid that the congeniality would end now.

"All is fair in love and war?" She offered again, giving me a small smile. "I'm trying not to look particularly triumphant at the moment. I figured the verbal castration in front of her peers wasn't the most tactful thing in the world, but I would be lying if I said that didn't feel great."

Even though she seemed like she was on top of the world, I couldn't help but feel that crushing sensation after I had done something terrible. The pits of my stomach rolled and the bliss I was feeling just seconds previous was now gone. _"I sat aside while you single-handedly ruined my life."_

"Uh, KC? You still mentally present?"

The piercing words brought me back to Earth. "Yeah, Clare." I twirled my lock open without much thought, gnawing on my lip. Without any second thought, I blurted out, "Why didn't you ever yell at me like that?"

Her eyebrows raised. "I beg your pardon?"

I waved at the mess that was Jenna, now chucking her books in her locker. On any other occasion, I'd find this hilarious, but now found myself wishing I'd have an excuse to chuck things. "Why didn't you ever yell at me like that? I was just as responsible for ruining your life as she was!"

Her eyebrows narrowed and I could see the inner workings of her mind at work. It looked like she was truly trying to come up with an acceptable response. "I guess," She began, shouldering her bag. "I knew that whatever I said or did was nothing compared to what you were doing to yourself. Because I know that despite your past and recent events, you are a good guy. And even good guys make mistakes."

"But Clare! You are willing to yell at her and not me! I would've felt _better_ if you would have-"

Then I stopped. A slight smirk was crossing her face and I gaped. "No," I said, shaking my head in disbelief at the utter genius, granted diabolical, that was Clare Edwards. "You did not."

She just stiffened her lips, even though they were quaking in the corners. "I have no idea as to what you're referring to."

"You didn't say anything because you knew it'd be worse than ever confronting me about it?!"

She shrugged. "Let's just say it was experiment which heeded the results I originally hypothesized." I couldn't stop staring. At least now, I had an excuse. She huffed, giving in to whatever humor she found in this situation. "And I am sorry for that. I shouldn't have exploited the fact that you are a good guy."

"I feel manipulated."

"Rightly so. And for the record, I guess it would also be correct in saying that I am more frustrated with Jenna than you." I was confused. Clare held her books closer to herself, her eyes down on the floor. "Because I know you. And I know what you've been through. I don't know Jenna. It's easy for me to despise someone who just waltzes in here and steals my boyfriend. It was just easy for me to make her the bad guy. And she didn't even know what she did was wrong." She looked up and I saw tears forming in her eyes. "You did. There's gotta be something in that, shouldn't there?"

I was at a loss for words. "Clare, I-"

"KC, my man!"

The call made my toes curl. There was only one person in the world who truly got under my skin like that, but I was afraid to turn around and see him for myself. Nevertheless, I moved with the insane hope that it _wouldn't_ be him. Of course it was.

Chase strided down the hallway, the chains on his jeans jangling at his side. He had a broad grin stretched on his face as he displayed a piece of paper. "Ha ha! Look at this Guthrie! I don't know what my grandmother did, but somehow the old fart got me enrolled into Degrassi, which means I don't lose my year! This'll be just like-"

He trailed off, looking between Clare and I. "Oh shit. Did I just ruin a moment?"

I watched Clare stiffen, her chest a little higher than normal. "Of course not." She said curtly, a sense of detachment in her tone.

"Good!" He beamed, totally unaware that the two of us were leaning away from him. Instead, I noticed him move a little closer to Clare, which had my anger fizzling again. He turned to face her entirely, that mischievous smile planted on his face. "I see that you and KC are talking again. That's good, because I think you left the kid heartbroken." I watched her lips tighten, sucking in a labored breath. "I know I've been gone for a while, but it doesn't take much for me to notice when he's upset."

"You were gone for a year because you let him take all the blame for a crime you all committed." She spat, brushing past his shoulder. "You should really reevaluate your flirting strategy."

"Clare, what are you doing taking to KC?" Alli bounded down the hall, clutching her oversized purse as if she wanted to swing it at me.

Clare gave me a reassuring smile, which I appreciated because I was currently running damage control scenarios in my head. "KC and I are friends."

"_What?!_" Alli cried, now dragging my friend away. "What are you thinking?"

Chase whistled. "How did you become the most hated person with a Y chromosome in Degrassi?"

I glowered at him. "And coming into Degrassi is your attempt to fight me for it?"

"Come on, KC! Why can't we just call it water under the whatever?"

"Because." I snarled, now coming close to his face. "This isn't something that can just be shoved under a rug. I lost my family, I lost my integrity, I lost my reputation. It followed me to Degrassi and I lost my reputation here and I almost lost all my friends."

Chase's friendly exterior melted away and I finally found the friend that I grew to despise. His nostrils flared and his eyes became stony. "You don't need my help to do that." I didn't respond. He threw a lustful look at Clare's back and gave me that sneer. "Keep dreaming, KC. You're not good enough for her."

My hands were shaking. "Shut up, Chase."

"Everyone can see it. Clare's days of slumming with a punk ass like you are over."

"_Stop it!_"

_**1 Month Ago**_

I stripped off my sweaty t-shirt with a huge smile on my face. Coach Armstrong had taken me aside after practice and said if I kept playing the way I had been, there would be a spot for me in the starting lineup. I was so jittery, if my teammates hadn't known any better, they probably would've suspected I was on drugs or something. Instead, going through my mind was how I was going to see Clare in less than a half an hour, the one person I wanted to share this new with.

Reese was off in his little corner, pouting as usual. I'd taken to just leaving him alone because he seemed to be the one catalyst that sparked my temper the most. He was throwing his practice gear in his locker with frustration and I couldn't help but smile to myself. Life was actually good for the time being.

Just before I was about to leave, I felt a hand on my arm. Reese had stopped me, no traces of teammate congeniality on his face. "You think you've got it all figured out, don't you, Guthrie?"

I had to focus my energy on not punching him in the face, but other than being an annoyance, I wasn't particularly listening. "Yeah, actually I do."

Reese's smirk spread across his face. "Are you kidding me? Do you think _Clare Edwards_ is going to keep dating you, especially after what you've done?"

His words struck a nerve and I wrenched my arm out of his grasp. "Shut up, Reese."

He just gave a mirthless laugh. "You're pathetic. Wanting what you can't – no, strike that – _shouldn't_ have. The school should've sent out a warning for a punk like you."

"Stop it."

"Deep down, KC, you know I'm right. You don't deserve a pure, nice girl like Clare. You'll just end up tainting her."

"Shut up."

"Be honest. Do you really think Clare will keep you around much longer? She'll find someone who deserves her and she'll dump your sorry ass before you can say _Game Over_."

"_Shut up!"_

Everyone in the locker room was silent. I felt their eyes burning onto my face and I had to take a breath. Wheeling around, I left Reese to smile at whatever victory he thought he won. I tried to push the thoughts out of my mind.

But what if he was right?

**Author's Note: Mwahahahaah!**


	15. Chapter 15

**What? Flashbacks? You mean I'm actually going to explain the whole beginning of the story?! _SHOCKING._ Lol... Just kidding. But as promised, I have Reese. And KC. And a scene a lot of people have been suggesting that I've been wanting to do from the beginning.**

Clare's P.O.V.

"You're being a moron."

"No, I'm not."

"Clare, this is absolutely stupid!"

"Alli, no, it isn't." I sighed, sitting in my old seat. Kathy, my new seat neighbor, gave me a confused look and I merely shrugged. Alli sat down, her chocolate eyes blazing. "KC and I are not a compatible romantic match – that much we've learned. But he is a friend. And no matter what he's done, I don't want to throw away our friendship."

"But Clare, he hurt you. Unlike I have ever seen you hurt. And I know you focused the majority of your energy on not showing how hurt you were, but you were distant and lost. Even our teachers noticed – they were talking to me about you. It was so hard watching you like that. You were like a ghost."

I bit my lip. "I am so sorry, Alli. I had no intention of hurting you in any way."

"No _way_ you're apologizing for being hurt. It's KC's fault-"

I sighed. "That's just the problem, isn't it? We're so busy pointing fingers and trying to be the bad or good guy, it's clouding our judgment to be reasonable. The point is: KC messed up. And recent events have shown me that not only does he feel remorse for his actions, but people are important." My thoughts wandered to the empty house I was surely going to inhabit for the remainder of the evening. "People matter and even though I was truly hurt by KC, he matters."

Alli just growled, wheeling her chair away from mine with a frustrated huff just as KC entered the room. No longer was he grinning; his face was pulled down and he seemed to be in deep thought. As if it was natural, he took the seat next to mine, not registering he was actually in class. I longed to reach out and touch his hand for support, but I knew that would do more harm than good. "Is… everything okay?" I asked tentatively, trying to ignore the death-glares I was receiving from Alli.

It appeared my words broke him out of his reverie and he looked at me as if he just realized I was sitting next to him. "What? Oh – yeah. Everything's fine. I just," He trailed off, facing his computer screen.

"Having Chase back into your life isn't the dream scenario you thought it would be?" I tried to give him an encouraging smile, but it didn't work.

"It's – arg. Complicated."

"Seems like that's how our lives are turning out, doesn't it?" I wasn't joking, but apparently he thought that was funnier than my previous attempt at humor.

"Yeah, you're right." Suddenly, his chair was whipped in my direction and he was staring at me with a determined intensity. "What are you doing after school?"

"Well, I've got to finish an assignment so I'm probably off to the library." Putting off going home to the last minute, is more like it.

His eyes lit up. "Why don't I walk you home? I've got basketball practice."

I took a few seconds to weigh the pros and cons. Pros? I further prolong my inevitable demise by abandonment. Cons? I further prolong my inevitable demise by abandonment. Sounded good to me. "Sure, why not? I could use the motivation."

He gave a disbelieving laugh. "You? Clare Edwards? Lack of motivation? I'll believe that when your grades slip below a 95%."

_**1 Month Ago**_

I waited outside the school, checking my watch to make sure I knew the correct time. It appeared I did; it was only a minute after the time I last checked. Where was he? I couldn't help but have a slight apprehension forming in the pit of my stomach; all the other basketball players had already gone home. He was twenty minutes late after them.

I was too busy running worst-case scenarios through my head to notice the lanky boy exit Degrassi. I probably would've missed him if he hadn't set his skateboard on the ground. "Whatcha thinking about?" KC asked, his tone downtrodden. I couldn't imagine what could make his mood shift so suddenly. Before practice, all he would talk about was how his life was finally changing for the better and he actually felt like a whole person again.

"I was just wondering where you were, actually." I responded, trying to mask the befuddlement in my tone.

"Yeah, sorry I made you wait. I just had a couple things I had to take care of."

"Like what?" I leaned in instinctively, but he pulled away. "KC, is everything alright?"

He gave me a sad attempt for a smile, none of the sorrow leaving his eyes. "Yeah, it's great actually. Coach Armstrong said that if I continue to play like I do, I might get to start in a couple games."

"That's great! Why aren't you more excited about this?" I cried, wrapping my arm around his. He seemed to stiffen and my heart felt heavier. "KC, please tell me what's going on."

"Clare, why do you like me?" He blurted out, his eyes glued to the pavement.

"I'm sorry?"

His hands began to tremble and a part of me was afraid. I didn't even know where this had come from. "I asked you why you even liked me. I'm not like you."

It took me a moment to regain my speech. "T-That has nothing to do with how I feel about you."

"Then what is it?" He wrenched his arm out of my grasp and his eyes went angry. "What is it about me that makes you so compelled to slum it with a juvie-wannabe punk ass that can't do anything right in his life?"

"KC, I don't understand-"

"Of course you don't, Clare. You're Miss Perfect, Miss God-Loves-Everyone-So-I-Do-Too. Am I some sort of Christian outreach program to you?"

I felt tears coming. Try as I may, I couldn't control them. "KC, where is this coming from?"

He looked into my eyes, a cold glaze washing over his. "Never mind." He murmured, setting down his skateboard. "It doesn't even matter."

And with that, he was gone.

_**Present**_

As I waited for him after school, I couldn't help but have the eerie déjà vu of the conversation weeks ago. Just leaning against the railing made my heart pound a little faster. To this day, I still don't understand what the catalyst was for the emotional outburst, but everything had gone downhill from there. Some of the basketball players began to file out of the school, hopping into cars or walking down the street with each other.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

The statement made my blood chill. But surprisingly – and to my relief if I was to be completely honest – KC wasn't the instigator this time. Reese was stepping down the stairs, his hair soaked from what I could only hope was water. He pushed it out of his face, making it stand up on end. I resisted the urge to laugh. "I was just thinking about KC."

His eyes fell. "Why, Clare? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? He's only going to hurt you again."

"Please leave me alone, Reese. I'm not in the mood to be manipulated." I turned away.

Reese stepped down another stair so he could face me. "I know you don't trust me. I get that. If I were you, I wouldn't trust me either. I haven't done anything to deserve that. But," I tried to move my head, but he went into my eyeshot again. "I like you."

"Oh, please."

He gave a pained laugh. "Not what you want to hear when you tell a girl that."

Anger boiled to the surface. "From the beginning, you've been trying to drive a wedge between KC and I. You're always rude to him and you treat me like your personal advantage in his constant struggle."

"I know." He cut in, putting his hand on my arm. "And at first, yeah. That's all you were to me. Collateral to get back at KC. But, you're not like other girls Clare. It's kinda cool. And I don't like it when KC hurts you."

I took a deep breath, trying not to let his words ruin my objectivity. Pursing my lips, I said through clamped teeth, "What's this about, Reese?"

"Come to the Ravine tonight. Not a date, but just to hang out." His eyes looked hopeful. "I promise not to have any other girls in my arms."

"Not funny."

"Please, Clare?"

I was torn. Of course, my common sense said this was the stupidest thing I could possibly do at this point. Then my not-so-common sense yearned to have a place to be tonight that wasn't the emptiness that is my home. "I-I'll think about it." Dang, I was going soft.

A weird smile came over his face – the emotion? I couldn't read. "Great. Hope to see you there!"

As he jumped down the stairs, a familiar voice entered my ears. "Hope to see you where?" KC walked down the steps, his skateboard in hand. It took me several moments to shake the distant memory from my mind.

"Oh, ah, he invited me to go to the Ravine tonight."

KC's eyes flashed. "I hope by 'I'll think about it', you mean 'I'll think about a way to let you down easy'." He snarled, an aghast look on his face. "Because there is no way you're going to the Ravine."

My mouth hung open. "And why not?"

He returned the deer-in-headlights gape, staring at me as if the answer was obvious. "Because it's not safe for girls to go tramping around at night, especially when there are people like Reese on the prowl."

"You're overreacting. It's not like I've never been to the Ravine before and I've got a good handle on what I can and cannot expect from Reese. You've got to give me more credit than that, KC. I can take care-"

"What." It wasn't a question. KC's concerned tone went murderous in record time and he was now staring at me like I snapped his skateboard in two.

I stopped mid-sentence, a little frightened. "I'm sorry?"

"No, I'm sorry." He seethed, his arms shaking ever so slightly. "Because I think I heard you say that this isn't the first time you've been to the Ravine. I must've heard you wrong."

Everything clicked. Now for some serious backtracking. "It's not a big deal, KC. Alli and I went one day because she asked me to accompany her to spend time with Johnny."

"I'm gonna kill her," He muttered, his lips tight and his hands yanking his bangs. "I'm going to-"

"And understatement would be that that's counterproductive." I interrupted, taking a precautionary step away from him. "Like I said. It was _no big deal._"

"Like hell it is, Clare!" He bellowed, throwing his skateboard to the ground. One of the wheels popped off, rolling in the growing darkness, but he didn't seem to notice. And if he did, he didn't care. "That place is _dangerous_, especially for girls like you!"

It was my turn to be angry. "What do you mean, 'girls like me'?"

"Naïve, unsuspecting girls that go to the Ravine with on a 5'3'' ninth grade girl to protect them!"

"Because, of course, I would be engaging in activities that would require my protecting!" I shouted back, my arms clamped at my sides.

His eyes widen and his voice shook. "That's not the point, Clare! The point is that you're a tiny little _girl_ who, given the right circumstance, would be very easy to take advantage of! I'm sorry, but you're _not_ going to the Ravine tonight. Forget that. You're _not _going to the Ravine _ever again_."

"Since when do you have the right to tell me what I can and cannot do?" I spat, almost raising myself to my tip toes to get at least a little closer to his face. "Last time I checked, this is my life. And whether I want to go to the Ravine or not? It had nothing to do with you and it's my decision!"

He whirled around for a moment and took a couple deep breaths. When he returned, there were angry tears stinging his eyes. "Clare. Do you understand what could happen to you if you go there?" His words were low, but I could hear them perfectly. "Do you understand that half the boys there are wasted and the other half are one some sort of drug? Do you know what they could do to you?"

"KC, I'm not-"

"I'm not going to sit here and listen to you say for the thousandth time that you can take care of yourself." One of the tears fell. "I'm not going to lose you."

"It's not like I'm doing drugs or drinking. And I _can_ take care of myself. I've been doing a pretty damn good job recently too. I know you get overprotective, but I'm a big girl and I don't need saving. I don't need-"

Next thing I knew, he gripped my arm and pulled me close. Without any hesitation, his lips found mine. I knew that I should fight and I knew that this was not a wise decision, but I couldn't help myself. There was so much comfort and care in our embrace that, try as I may, I couldn't let go. I wasn't sure how long we were there when KC pulled us apart, another tear falling down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry." He stammered, picking up his now broken skateboard.

And he ran once more.

**Author's Note: You know what I realized? I stopped doing Disclaimers. Let's just assume that I don't own Degrassi. We'll work from there. It's about to get interesting...**

**R/R please!**


	16. Chapter 16

**So, as fun as the last chapter was to write, this one was un-fun. I actually didn't intend on any other this happening (both parts), but it felt like before I could progress the story further, I had to cover two things. Because, in Clare's POV next time, to move the story along, it's jumping ahead 2 weeks. So, this needed to be done.**

**Please. Put down the torches and pitch forks.**

KC's P.O.V.

I am such a coward.

That was the only thing going through my mind at the moment as I sprinted home. I was vaguely aware that one of the wheels had popped off of my skateboard and now was a part of the wildlife. I cannot believe I just did that. It was a totally spur of the moment; Clare was talking and all my nightmares started coming back.

I swear I didn't hear Clare right. When she mentioned a trip to the Ravine, I almost pinched myself to make sure that I wasn't sleeping. I never told her this, but when we were going out, I used to have nightmares about her being taken away from me. Granted, it did happen, just not the way I imagined. As soon as she said "Ravine", I thought that I had walked into one. Just thinking about her porcelain skin in the Ravine with so many things to break it sent chill up my spine.

But then I had to go and be a complete idiot and kiss her right there. She once told that I had a tendency to lean toward the melodramatic, which I chose to prove once again. With all those thoughts running through my head, I panicked. All I could think about was 'What if something happened'? In my own personal terror, I couldn't help but act like we were star-crossed lovers in some crappy romance flick and kissed her like a moron.

Nevertheless, there were more important matters. I acted ridiculous, but I couldn't dwell. There were so many things I could've done differently. For starters, I shouldn't have kissed her at all. She drew a line, and I crossed it. Secondly, since I waved my inhibitions goodbye and kissed her anyway, I shouldn't have run. How can I face her now that I've ran away after crossing the line?

I had to get to the Ravine.

My group home came into the view and I didn't even pause before bolting inside. "Nate, it's me! Listen, I don't have time to talk, but I've got to run out and check on something. I'm just going to talk a quick shower." I already started peeling off my shirt in the hallway.

"KC, you have-"

"I'm sorry, Nate, but I've got to do this quickly! I've-"

"But you have-"

I opened the door to my room to see Alli sitting on my bed, her eyebrows now raised as I entered half naked. Nate walked up behind me. "You have company." He grinned.

Alli put her hand over her eyes. "Gross KC, put on some clothes. Nobody wants to see that."

I gaped at her, quickly shuffling to put my shirt back on. It felt disgusting; the dried sweat had made it stiff. I set down my lame skateboard and bag and cautiously approached the bad. "You are not sitting next to me." She snapped, motioning to my desk chair. I grabbed it, not even able to comprehend that she was currently bossing me around in my own room. "I think we need to talk."

"I agree." I chose my words wisely, afraid that anything I said can and will be used against me in a court of law.

Her deeply shadowed eyes fluttered and then narrowed. "Even though I think that Clare is completely stupid for trusting you again, I think that our friendship has taken a turn for the worst. And I want to get past it."

"Oh-kay?" I couldn't help but still be nervous about whatever she could bring.

"C'mon KC, I'm going to need you to come up with something more intelligent that these one or two word answers. I came all the way over here when I could be hanging out with my boyfriend."

I sat down in my desk chair, edging my way over to where she was. "I just can't believe that you came here. You've frozen me out for almost a month."

"You almost broke my best friend! What did you _expect_ me to do?"

I bowed my head and let that sink over me. The girl in front of me was sizing me up; I could feel it. I knew Alli. She wasn't that difficult to figure out. Even though she paraded around the school like a materialistic drone, she truly cared about her friends. Her fiery personality could cut down a grown man and I was no exception. Sure, I was almost a foot taller than she was, but the woman scared the living daylights out of me.

She sighed, putting down her bag. So this was going to be an extended conversation. "I don't know why you did what you did and I don't really have any interest. For all I know, you could say it was bodily urges and I'd believe you. But I do want to know one thing. And this is the kind of moment in our friendship that will make or break it."

"Oh-kay…?"

"Why did you break up with Jenna?"

If I was expecting anything, it wasn't that. "Jenna?" I repeated, making sure I heard her correctly.

There was no expression on her face. "Yes."

"Um," I wasn't sure what sort of mind games she was playing, but I didn't want to fall into it. "I was thinking about everything. And I never really felt much about Jenna. I guess you could say that whatever attraction I had for her was purely physical. But, the funny thing is, I don't even think she's that attractive and I never felt alive when I was with her. I guess I stayed with her, or whatever, just because I didn't want to believe I threw away everything I had with Clare for nothing. But recently, I've found myself only half-living through life. And even though I know that I can never make it up to Clare and even though she put this line around us about being romantically involved, I don't care in regards to Jenna. I don't want her in my life. I can't have her in my life." I tried to sum up a smile. "She is the reason I used to do bad things at my old school."

Alli stared deeply into my eyes until I began to get uncomfortable with gaze. I wondered if I had something on my face or she could detect the fact that I had kissed Clare, which was very much against the rules. The girl had a 6th sense, I wouldn't put it past her. After several awkward moment of her staring at my face, Alli relaxed. "Ok then."

I gaped. "That's it?"

"Yup."

"Okay then?" She shrugged, now taking a compact out of her bag and powdering her nose. "You have stopped talking to me, insulted me every chance I got, and now, all of a sudden, everything is okay?"

Snapping her compact shut, she smiled. "I guess you answered correctly."

Several minutes passed. Alli seemed to be expecting me to say something, so I said, "Is there another reason you're here? Because I need to make sure that Clare's alright-"

That got her attention. "What's going on? Has she talked with you because I'm concerned. She hasn't been herself lately."

"Not what you're thinking. Reese invited her to the Ravine." My rage flared up again and I remembered my threat against the exact person sitting across from me. In my calmest voice possible, I continued, "Speaking of which, a little bird told me about a certain trip to the Ravine? To impress a certain boyfriend?"

She arched one of her manicured eyebrows. "Your point being."

I had to take in a breath. "You're as daft as Clare is! That place is _dangerous_! Why don't you two understand that? Is this one of those stupid girl things where you're attracted to bad things?"

"Johnny wouldn't have let anything happen to me."

Now I had to calm down. "What about _Clare_, Alli? What if something happened to her while you two were there?"

"Calm down, KC. Why would Clare go to the Ravine by herself?"

"Reese asked her to."

Alli looked like she was torn between choking down a squeal. "Reese asked her out?" I could hear the excitement in her voice.

And that's when I needed a moment. Clare wasn't mine, but that didn't mean I wanted her with anyone else. Just the thought of Reese touching her, running his hands up her thighs, kissing her neck, her lips; it made me see red. I leapt out of my chair and turned around, making sure Alli couldn't look directly at me. Placing my hand against the wall, I had to put my forehead on the cool exterior to calm down.

"Yes."

There was a stale silence. I heard Alli get off of the bed and come closer to me. A hand was on my shoulder. "I had no idea." She whispered. I flinched at her contact and licked my lips. "You're – you're not still 'in like' with her, are you?"

"Yes."

"I'm so sorry, KC. I-I told her to go after Reese. I thought it'd be a good way-"

"To get back at me?" I gave a hollow laugh. "Don't worry. I don't think she's interested at all. But I am concerned because she has been acting weird lately and I think that she was genuinely considering it."

"We should go down there."

"There is no 'we'. _You're_ going to go home before it gets too terribly dark. _I'm_ going to go to the Ravine and make sure she's not dumb enough to get there. If she is there, I'm beating her over the head and dragging her home. Any other questions?"

"Fine." Alli crossed her arms. "But you need to call me when you get back."

"Whatever. But I need to get there before I hit my curfew."

Alli grabbed her bag and opened the door. Pausing at the door, she said, "I missed you, KC."

Before I bolted out the door, I hollered, "I'll be back before ten, Nate!"

Damn. I can't believe I broke my skateboard in a time like this. My legs were already hurting from practice, but this didn't help. The sun was almost completely gone at this point and I had to rely completely on instinct to find the Ravine. I'd only been there a couple times myself; my first couple of days at Degrassi I almost _became_ Reese. One stern talking to by Nate had me cowering for days.

The Ravine came into view just as I felt like my lungs were about to explode. I darted into the clearing, the rancid smell of vomit and liquor entering my nostrils. I spent too many days lying facedown after _that_ to ever entertain the idea of it again.

That's when I spotted them. Not the 'them' that made me want to shoot someone, but a 'them' that made me slightly scared. Chase and Reese sat next to each other by a fire, each with a beer in their hands and talking quietly as other stupid adolescence boys ran around. With as much courage I could muster, I stepped over to them. Neither of them looked up as I stood across from the fire, trying my best not to draw too much attention to myself.

"Ahem." I cleared my throat, the two boys looking up. A grin stretched onto Chase's face and I couldn't tell if it was of happiness or some sort of grim satisfaction. "Is Clare here?"

Reese just looked up, swirling his beer around in his hands. "No. Princess Pure isn't here." He cracked a smile, shaking his head.

"You'll have to forgive Reese." Chase grinned, clapping a hand on his back. "He is bummed that he didn't get the opportunity to grope Edwards."

"Shut up!" I yelled, completely blowing my indiscreet presence. Everyone stopped what they were doing to watch. I took a calming breath and shook the violent thoughts from my head. "So Clare's not here?"

"No," Chase's smirk turned malicious. "Why don't you stay a while, KC? For old time's sake?"

"No thank you."

I felt a couple people behind me. An uneasiness spread through my body. "Come on, KC. This is an opportunity to bond with your teammate."

I tried to turn around, but I hit a very solid behind me. "I'll have to pass. I have curfew."

"Not for a couple hours. Stay a while, Guthrie."

I moved to the side, only to hit another person. My breath was short. I tried to move again, but now had four people around me. I could see Reese's smirk through the bands of their muscles, circling his finger around his bottle. One of them punched me. I didn't even see it coming. Next thing I know, my back is thrown against the ground. I put my hands up to defend my face, but my fingers clenched in a preconceived defeat. This is when my worst fears about my probation struck me.

I can't fight back.

**Author's Note: I thought I said no pitchforks!**


	17. Chapter 17

**I had a totally paranoid moment. I forgot I put up KC's POV before I went to bed and I was getting comments about his convo with Alli and I was like, "HOW DO THEY KNOW?!?!" Wow... real special.**

**I promise I won't kill either of them. No Romeo and Juliet coming. But what I will say is the following: Clare's troubles are far from over.**

Clare's P.O.V.

"Where is he?" I asked Alli, who was sharing my concern. I wasn't sure why; she'd been rude to KC ever since our troubles began, but she surveyed the class room just as frantically as I did, if not more.

Biting her lips, Alli responded, "I don't know. H-He said he'd all me last night, but he never did. I figured he was just in trouble for breaking his curfew or something. But he's always at school. He can't skip, or he'll get in trouble. And he's not sick,"

"Alli, you're not helping me at all." I stated, now staring at the seat that should be occupied by KC. "Maybe if I can just call the group home and see where he is-" that's when I made a split second decision. I used to consider these things, but I couldn't. I hopped up and grabbed my phone and darted out of the classroom.

"Ms. Edwards-"

I left Mr. Simpson staring at my lightning quick reflexes, shuffling down the hall. I got to my locker and flipped my phone open. No missed calls, no text messages. "Arg!" I let out a strangled groan and then called the number for the group home.

The rings were driving me crazy. But the few seconds I had between the fateful "Hello?" and my crazed panic, I wondered briefly why I was behaving this way. KC was a boy, that was obvious, and he wasn't _my_ boy. Not to mention, the kid used to run around with criminals – he had to know how to take care of himself. So why was I in such a frenzy, trying to figure out where he was? And why was I so paranoid that something happened to him, even when there was no evidence for such?

"Hello?" I heard a strained voice on the other end, which I immediately knew was Nate's.

"Nate?" I cried, trying to calm the shaking in my voice. If he was just sick or in some sort of trouble, I would be made fun of mercilessly. "It's Clare."

"Clare?"

"Yeah. I was just wondering where KC was. He's not in class and-"

"I know, Clare." The way he said it made my heart sink. There was a something in his voice that confirmed all my fears. "He's here."

I had to pause to regain my composure. "What's going on?"

"There was, uh, and incident." It felt like the pause took lifetimes. "He got jumped last night-"

I didn't hear the rest. Next thing I knew, I was sprinting out the door. I shouldn't have worn these stupid heels today. When I was picking out an outfit, I'm ashamed to realize I had KC in mind the entire time. But now it was just another obstacle.

My ankle gave. I let out a squeal and tumbled to my knees. Throwing the shoes onto the ground, I continued the rest of the trip barefoot, rock digging into my skin as I pushed myself faster. When the group home got into view, I was completely out of breath, dark spots dotting my eyes. Before I could lift a hand to open the door, it swung open to a very incredulous Nate. "Clare?" He cried, staring at my doubled over form. "Wow, that was slightly impressive, but also extremely unnecessary." He rolled his eyes at me, ushering me inside.

"H-How's KC?" I managed to get out through gasps.

He gave me a wearied smile. "If you would've stayed on the phone, you would've known that KC is fine, but chose to stay home today because he's a little sore."

That didn't deter my frantic nature. "B-But who did this? What's going on?"

"Calm down, Clare. Last night he went to the Ravine-"

I didn't hear anything after that. Tears welled in my eyes and I could no longer see the room in front of me. It was a good thing I used to go to this house every day after school because it was sheer muscle memory that led me to his room. I opened the door, a small light on in the corner. KC was lying down, but I could tell his eyes were open. I closed the door behind me softly, taking a deep breath to control my tears. "Hey," I whispered, even the one word shaking.

In his confusion, he sat up, wincing in pain. A bruise lined his cheekbone and well as under his eye, his lip cut at the bottom. He was wearing a white tank top which was weird on him, but practical the more I thought about him. "H-Hey." He answered, a quizzical look on his face. "W-What are you doing here? Why aren't you at school?"

That's when I completely lost it. I covered my face with my hands, attempting to muffle the sound of the embarrassing sobs coming out of my mouths. Seeing him there, practically broken, pushed me over the edge. In the course of a few days, I lost my mother and my father. I could not handle losing KC too. Even if he left unwillingly. I stood at the opposite end of the room, trying to calm myself down.

He threw off the covers and swiveled out of the bed. "No, get back down!" I cried, putting my hand up in a pathetic attempt to stop the action.

Of course it didn't work.

Next thing I knew, he wrapped his arms around me and just stood there. I'm not sure how long we were there, standing in the middle of the room. I knew that this wasn't right; I wasn't the one who was beaten up because of a stupid comment, I wasn't the one who was in pain. But here he was, holding me in his arms, rubbing my back gently as I continued to cover my face even though he couldn't see it because it was currently buried into his chest.

"A-Are you okay?" It was pathetic how small and feeble that sounded.

A low chuckle came from above me. "Of course I am, Clare."

His nonchalant attitude made me gasp out another sob. With a little more force, I stated, "No, you are _not._" Another sob. "And it's _all_ my fault. If I would've kept my stupid mouth shut, you would've never even gone to the Ravine. Maybe if I would've just gone and then-"

"No!" He shouted. Then we were apart, his hands clutching my shoulders. "No, Clare. I would _never_, no matter what happened, want you to go there. This is what I was saying last night! The Ravine is dangerous and I _don't_ want you ever going there! Look what happened!"

"I _am_ looking, KC and I'm positively horrified! This is my fault!"

"Stop." He bent down slightly to get in my bowed-head's line of vision. With a little, yet unnecessary force, he led the two of us over to his bed and set me down. At this point, at least I was no longer sobbing. I scooted to the end of the bed, trying to put enough room between us, as if it would hide me from him. "It's not your fault. It's just a series of bad events."

Bringing my knees up to my chin, I tried to calm my shaking. "Please, KC. Don't try and down play this for me."

He chuckled. "I'm not. It just looks worse than it is. It was an unfair fight in many different ways."

I turned to look at him and he had that stupid grin on his face, like when I would make a particularly outrageous comment but he didn't have the heart to tell me to shut up. "Why?"

Shrugging, he said, "Well, there was four of them. And I can't fight back."

I stared. "_What?_ You didn't _fight back_?"

"I can't, Clare. And please take it down a couple octaves." He appeared humored and it was beginning to make me angry. "If I fight back, I land in juvie. I can't fight back in any conflict."

"But KC, you could've gotten killed that way! I'm sure even the _judge_ would understand a life and death situation!"

"It wasn't so horrible. After a couple of punches, Reese and Chase pulled the guys off of me and I stumbled home." His words were distant, as if his mind was far away and no longer in the room with me. "Stuff like that happens. That's just the way the world is. And if you would've been there," KC paused, his hands in fists once more. He pulled onto blanket, the folds curling in his fingers. "I can't – no. I won't even think about it because then it makes me _want _to break my juvie restrictions."

Neither of us spoke for a couple minutes. I only had to deal with silent tears now, my heart cracking under the thought of possibly losing KC. It was that moment that I realized that my feet hurt like hell. Curling them, I surveyed my scrapes and blood dripping onto his bed. "Oh, shoot. Sorry." I swung my feet over the edge. "I can clean that."

"What'd you do? Run here barefoot?"

"Yes."

He snorted. "I was totally kidding. Why exactly are you barefoot today?"

"I wasn't earlier. But I was wearing heels and they were counterproductive and so I took them off."

"That's moronic." He laughed, climbing under his covers. Lying down, he let out a feeble groan and placed a hand at his ribcage.

With straight instinct and nothing else, I leapt over to where he was, unable to mask the concern in my eyes. "Please, _please_ don't do anything dumb right now."

"You mean something that doesn't involve breathing? Now I think you're just trying to kill me."

I took a deep breath. I drew a line. I drew a line for a reason, but I couldn't kid myself. There was nothing I could say that would dissipate the butterflies squirming in my stomach. I could pretend they were the result of my fear or forgetting to eat breakfast, but I knew that wasn't the case. He stared into my eyes for a moment and then bit his lip. "So, I know there's a line." He stated, his eyebrows furrowing. "But – ah, never mind."

A part of me wanted him to continue. But I didn't say anything, just like the coward I was. The coward who didn't fight when Jenna entered the picture. I looked away, trying to make sure he didn't read the disappointment in my eyes.

KC coughed. "What are you doing here anyway? You are aware school is still in session."

"Well, you aren't there either."

He rolled his eyes. "My excuse is much better than yours."

"I could always cry "PMS" in the middle of the hallways. I bet that would work."

His eyes widened and he grimaced uncomfortable. "Yeah, that would do it." Laying on his side, he closed his eyes. In that exact moment, I realized how small KC was. Sure, the kid was a tree in height, but before me was a foster kid, broken and unable to defend himself for fear of prison. No, that wasn't right. Unable to defend himself because he didn't know how. Because no one had ever defended him before.

Against my better judgment, I lay down next to him. Sucking in a breath, I placed my hand on top of his. His eyes fluttered open with shock and I gave him a small smile. "No one should let a line come between comforting, right?"

He smiled back, intertwining his fingers with mine. "Thanks."

I knew I should pull back. I knew I should get out while the pieces of my heart were still intact. But I couldn't pull myself away from that stupid boy. Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine what my life would be without him. I couldn't. "I know there's a line." KC said once more and I felt the pressure of our grip tighten. "But please stay. As friends."

I weighed his words and then squeezed his hand. No matter what I thought, there was no way I could pull myself away from this boy anymore. "Of course. I'm not going anywhere."

**Author's Note: *squee* Depsite the fact that things ARE going to go from bad to worse, I had to put a shameless Klare moment before it. *love***

**Please R/R! I will give you *love***


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello! This is sort of a transition Chapter, where nothing particularly goes bad or good, but it's there to wrap up a couple strings. But I promise the next one will bring another kink into the story (poor Clare!)**

**And brief Connor/KC bromance! Lol... sometimes when I'm feeling particularly puckish, I'll put on the 'vommets' on The-N to see what other people think and I realized not many people like Connor! Some people are actually very rude about it too. I personally LOVE Connor, I think he's just a puppy. He's just so precious and I hope whoever that chick is on the season finale comes BACK and is his girlfriend. Ah... uncomplicated nerd love. *squee***

KC's P.O.V.

She was there.

I had to pinch myself just to make sure this wasn't a dream. A dream I had been having for months. But it wasn't. There she was right next to me, her eyes shut and her breathing slow, as if lying here with me was the most natural thing in the world. I didn't want it to end. Our hands were still together when I woke up and I couldn't bring myself to let go. For just a moment longer, I wanted to pretend like this is the way it was. The way it _should_ be, if life wasn't so full of deceit and hate.

I craned my neck to try and see the time. 7 o'clock!? How did the day pass so quickly? Shaking her shoulders gently, I whispered, "Clare? It seven. You're parents are probably wondering where you are."

"I seriously doubt that." She mumbled, but I wasn't quite sure I heard her right. Of course her parents _had_ to be wondering where their daughter was. They were the polar opposite of my parents. I bet they were practically sending out the search party.

Sitting up straight, I shook my head a couple times to try to get rid of the cloud of exhaustion that seemed to remain with me. Damn, my body hurt. It wasn't even the blows to the face. It was the one swift kick to my ribs that did me in. I don't think they cracked anything, but it sure hurt like hell. I needed to take some sort of pain killer before my sailor mouth got the better of me.

Clare hopped off of the bed. Noticing her feet, I had to laugh. Figures. "Here." I offered, tossing a pair of old sandals in her direction. "Take these before you rip off another layer of skin."

She merely laughed, putting on the enormous sandals. "This is attractive," She commented, staring at her tiny feet. "Now I look like a hobbit."

I shuddered. "Don't say that. You'll totally ruin the moment."

Giggling, she wrapped a band around her hair and blinked. "and here I thought Lord of the Rings was the way into any boys heart."

"Nerd boys, maybe."

"This is the Kettle, Pot. You're black, Gifted Boy." She put her hand to her ear like a telephone. Walking over, she pulled me into hug. "Please don't ever do anything like that again. I don't think I should put my heart through anymore cardiac arrest. It's practically an epileptic."

Pulling apart far too quickly for my comfort, she took tiny steps to the door. "Clare, wait." I grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Thank you. For everything. I don't know many ex-girlfriends who would spend an entire day with their cheating ex after he was this much of a pansy."

"KC," She whispered so I had to strain to hear it. "You'll always be more than an ex-boyfriend to me."

With that, she left.

That one comment had me frozen in the middle of my room, unable to register anything else. My heart was now flying through my chest and it was all I could do from passing out right there. Okay, I used to make fun of people who would put so much stock into body language, signs, and otherwise stupid romance stuff, but now it was kicking my ass. I wanted to pass out. You'd think with my gifted IQ I'd be able to work this out.

"KC?"

For a brief, granted pathetic moment, I thought Clare had come back in. So imagine my surprise and disappointment when Nate waltzed in, a phone in his hand. "You looked cozy."

I tried to find my voice. "Yeah?"

He snorted. "Whatever, KC. I just had a couple things. The judge called and gave you a get out of jail free card. No punishments."

Exhaling deeply, I closed my eyes. I'd hoped our judicial system understood the situation, but considering the leniency I've been given, I couldn't be entirely sure. After a few moments of calming my stomach, I replied, "You said 'things' as in plural?"

Nate nodded. "Yes. If you want, you may spend the night at Connor's tonight."

I wasn't expecting that. "I'm sorry?"

My face must've been fairly humorous because Nate cracked a smile. "Mr. Simpson called inviting you over. He's aware of the situation and the restrictions placed on you. But he said that if you wanted to come over, Connor has never had a 'guys night' or whatever you kids call them now. And I'm allowing you to go."

I stared, waiting for the punchline. It didn't come. "Y-Yeah! Of course I'd like to go. But why are you-"

"-allowing you to go? I figure if you understand your probation enough to allow yourself to get beaten by your ex-best friend, you can handle a sleep over. You know the rules, I assume?"

"Do drugs or shoot someone I have a 200lb. man named Knuckles hitting on me for the remainder of my adolescent career?"

"Bingo." Nate shook his head, giving me his 'What-a-moron' look. "Take your pills and you have to go to school tomorrow. No more Ravine, ever."

"Like I'd go back."

Before closing the door, I thought I could hear, "I could think of one curly-haired reason why you'd go."

I had to be hearing things.

By the time I made it to Connor's house, it was extremely cold. Snow began to drift down, covering the streets with a sheet off white. Knocking on the door, I shook out my hair. Maybe I should consider getting a haircut. "KC!" Mr. Simpson opened the door and it struck me how odd it was for me to be at my teacher's house. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Mr. Simpson. Thanks for getting me out of my group home for the evening."

"Anytime. I've had my fair share of good delinquents." His eyes went distant and I wondered if I should be flattered or uncomfortable. After an awkward pause, he shook his head. "Connor's downstairs. I'll call Nate and tell him you've arrived."

I jumped down the stairs to see my friend on his bed, working with some sort of robotics. "Hey Connor," I said throwing my bag on the floor. "Thanks for inviting me."

He pushed his glasses up the bridge of this nose. "No problem. I figured it'd be nice to get away for a while."

"Yeah." I murmured, rolling my sleeping bag. "So I can forget everything."

_**One Month Ago**_

I was really hoping some teacher asked for Clare's assistance because I didn't want to see her. It's not that I didn't _want _to see her, I just didn't want to see her. Damn, this was complicated. I never thought dating Clare would be so stressful.

"Are you okay?" I jumped, thinking it was Clare, but another girl was now sitting next to me. She was the new blonde chick in our school which half of my class was drooling over. Sure, she was attractive in a sort of obvious way, but lacked the substance in my opinion. Besides, I preferred a little stubborn modesty to my beauty.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Jenna, is it?"

Her eyes sparkled. "Yes! Sorry, I didn't think I knew your name."

I let out a haughty laugh. "I'll think it'd be difficult to find a boy in our grade that didn't know your name." I paused after that statement, running it back through my head. That wasn't what I wanted to say.

Clare entered the cafeteria, spotting Alli and striking up a conversation. Her crystal eyes were scrunched in a sort of concern as Alli babbled on about something I assume was unimportant. She was secretly scanning the area, probably for me, and stopped when they fell on Jenna. She lifted an eyebrow at me, waggling it in some sort of innuendo. I chuckled, the mental image of what PG-rated 'innuendo' Clare Edwards was thinking of.

"She's pretty." Jenna said next to me after a few seconds of me ignoring her.

"I'm very aware."

"Is everything going okay between you two? Because it doesn't seem like you have much in common."

My eyes fell. No, we didn't have anything in common. Reese's words echoed in my head, spreading like a toxin in my system. _You'll just end up tainting her_. Then her face last night after I ran off like the coward I am. We were polar opposites. Clare Edwards didn't run; the stubbornest of the stubborn. "We're fine." I wasn't about to talk about this with a complete stranger.

Next thing I knew, her hand was rubbing my arm and her thigh touched mine. I stiffened, uncomfortable with the proximity. "You know," She whispered in my ear, her hot breath tickling me. "We aren't all saints."

As Clare made her way over, she stood up. "Just something to think about."

**Author's Note: _NO_ KC, don't think about it! Lol... too late.**


	19. Chapter 19

**And... Here's the 'worse'.**

Clare's P.O.V.

It's strange how life slowly comes together. Sure, my house was like the isolation unit of a prison but school seemed to go back to normal. Well, normal before KC and I started dating. KC was back to being his skateboarding, sarcastic self, Connor was his analytical, literal self, I was my uptight, practical self and Alli was… well, Alli.

It was like the beginning of grade nine again when we were starting out. Before Bot Wars, before sex toys, before singing in the cafeteria. We sat together, ate together, went to class together, just like we had before the drama. It felt like the more wrong one part of my life was, the more right the other was going. I went to bed in a dark and empty house, but I woke up each morning knowing that the day would be infinitely better because I had people in my life who would be there.

After a couple weeks though, I was beginning to crack. No longer could I pretend that everything was alright because it wasn't. My parents still hadn't returned and I was running out of one very important thing: food. Now, I'd never considered on going on Survivor, but I realized that perhaps I should've taken some notes when my dad had the show on. The pantry was thinning and I noticed I was taking less and less to school. My stomach always seemed empty and I had emptied my entire savings account.

I had nothing.

Perched on my couch with every single light on in my house, the phone started ringing. I dashed to it with the vain hope that it might be my parents, but the caller ID read some sort of number I didn't recognize. With my hopes dashed, I let it go to voicemail, a chill running up my spine. I'd left every light on for the past two weeks, trying to convince myself that I wasn't alone. But when the clock struck ten, I was all alone. Today was a particularly bad day because no one could get together after school, and I was left alone, studying in a house that was becoming the scene of my nightmares before six.

"Hello. This is Julie from Harper Energy." I tilted my head up, my brows furrowing. "I calling in regards to your unpaid bill for the month of February. If this remains unpaid, the company has no other choice than turn off your power entirely by the end of the week. If you have any questions, feel free to contact us directly at the main office. Have a nice day!"

It took me about a minute to realize I was no longer breathing. Tears were now forming in my eyes and pouring over my eyelashes and I didn't even register. I thought I could do this, I thought that everything would work out, but I was sorely mistaken. How could I have forgotten something as crucial as bills? Here I was, preparing for a History exam and everything was blank. I couldn't read the words before and next thing I knew, my breath was quick and short. I was positive I was one step away from hyperventilating.

I had to get out of there. Grabbing my purse, I bolted out of my house. It was almost six thirty. What places would be open at this time? The Dot came into view and through my tears, I smiled. Spinner.

I didn't particularly know Spinner, but when my sister was dating him I like him very much. Sure, he swore when he thought I wasn't around, he slept with girls, and he had the maturity level of an eight-year-old boy, but he felt like my older brother. Not to mention, he was huge. And at this point in my life, even though nothing physical was out to get me, that meant something.

Darting into the Dot, I looked around. It was fairly empty, a couple cozy in the corner of the room and a few students here or there. I jumped inside and took a seat on the bar, trying to calm the never-ending chill that seemed to stay will me. "Ah, Baby Edwards!" Spinner's rough voice entered my ears and a part of me warmed up. "What will it be?"

When he actually turned to face me, he froze. His lopsided grin fell and he immediately rushed over. "Clare, is everything alright?"

As quick as if he shocked me, I wiped my tears off of my cheeks and let out a feeble laugh. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to chill out here until it closed. I'm afraid I don't have any money with me." Okay, I'm afraid I don't have any money at all.

He stared at me for a long time. Then, without another word, whirled around. It felt nice here, like a haven away from home. I twiddled my thumbs and gazed off into nothing, happy to be somewhere that didn't frighten me. I focused all my attention on stopping my crying. I swear, if I continued to have these crying bouts, I'd get dehydrated. And how would I pay for the hospital bills?

There was a clink to my side. A huge plate of fries and a hot tea was suddenly next to me, accompanied by a Spinner. "Here. You look like you need something in you." He stated, taking a fry off of my plate and popping it into his mouth. "You don't have to talk to me. I know I don't know you too well. But you're welcome to stay here until I leave. I'll even let you stay while I'm cleaning."

"T-Thanks." I stammered, unsure of where this sensitivity came from. "It really means a lot."

He nodded and then went back to cleaning the grill. People filed out of the Dot as time passed and I played with the food placed before me. As wonderful as it was, I couldn't stomach it. My stomach was doing flipflops and the thought of eating anything only made me more nauseous. Before I knew it, Spinner was next to me again. "Come on, Clare. I'll give you a ride home."

"That's not necessary. I can just walk."

"At this hour? It's pitch dark _and_ icy. No way." He shoved me off the stool.

"Don't be so pushy!" I laughed, almost falling on my face. "Jeez, you're like KC."

He blinked. "Your ex-boyfriend? Well, I like him if he's trying to convince you not to wander around by yourself. Grab your tea and let's go."

He nudged me again and I stumbled… again. "Why do I feel like you're kidnapping me?"

"If it makes you feel any better."

In the car, we drove in silence. It was driving me crazy. All I heard at this time of night was silence. I couldn't take it anymore. "When you found out you had cancer," I began, choosing to dive into a conversation I wasn't ready for. "Were you scared?"

It didn't seem to phase him that I just asked him a grossly personal question. "Of course. I didn't want to die."

I bit my lip. "How did you deal with it, then?"

"I had people in my life who helped me out. I chose that I was going to fight it, rather than succumb to my fear." He sighed. "Clare, what is this about? Is everything alright in your family? Does someone have cancer?"

"No! N-No, everyone's healthy." It wasn't a lie. I mean, I didn't know if it was a lie. But I went on despite my better judgment. "But how did you do it? When it felt like your world was just crashing down?"

"Honestly? Friends. I had a strong support group and they helped me through. My mom, Jane, Jimmy. They were all there for me."

This dropped me back in my reverie. His mother was first. What if the mother was absent? What if-

"We're here." He gripped the wheel, his head swiveled in my direction. "Listen, Clare. I don't know what's going on, but if it's got you to the point that you're asking me about cancer or wandering to the Dot until it's closed, talk to your parents about it. If you can't talk to them, find someone else. You're only 15. The weight of the world shouldn't be on your shoulders."

"Thanks, Spin." I said, now dying to get out of the car. I was revealing too much. "I'll keep that in mind."

I went back into my dungeon, the door's slam echoing around me. "Mom?" I cried, just as I did every time I entered this house again. "Dad?"

No answer.

I crumpled onto the floor, clutching my sides as sobs poured out. My hands covered my face, although I didn't know who I was hiding from. The entire house was empty, and so was I.

The phone rang. I nearly jumped out of my skin, my heart stopping as I raced over. _Bandari Residence_ flashed on the screen and I picked it up hastily. "Hello?"

"Clare?" My friend's high voice squeaked on the other side, layered with what I could only discern was concern.

"Hey Alli, what's up?"

"I just got the weirdest call from Spinner. He said there was something bothering you?"

Shoot. I knew I should never even hinted about anything. "No, I was just asking him about some stuff. I think he misread it." I pursed my lips, trying to think about Alli and how to divert this. "You know how boys are."

"_Tell_ me about it. Yesterday Johnny and I were talking and he started going off about-"

And I had won.

*~*~*~*~*~

It was Friday. I was pacing in my living room, trying to calm myself down. I had tried everything to be with someone tonight without suspicion, but I knew I failed. KC was looking at me in a way that made me wonder if he saw right through everything. I was surprised he hadn't said anything along the lines of, _Are you on drugs?_ I mean, he already asked me if I had been drinking…

Sometimes I felt like life was actually a game. There were pawns, knights and queens. There was even some sort of score book, where I seemed to be losing. There were times when I feinted and everything seemed alright for a moment. Then there were times when Life's pawn made it across the board and revived the queen to destroy me.

As I was pacing, the lights flickered. I froze. My heart stopped. They fizzled a few more times and then the house that I made sure was fully lit at all times, plunged into darkness.

_Game Over, Edwards._

**Author's Note: Okay... on that cheery cliff hanger... I'm going to be AWOL for a week. I'm going out of state so I won't be able to update for about 6 days. Don't worry, I'm still writing so never fear! Gravity is FAR from over. Thank you so much for everything and please continue to read and review!**

**Chapter 20 will becoming to a website near you shortly!**


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm back! Sorry about that! Good news: I have a lot written. I thought I'd put this up before I went to sleep (1200 miles in one day driving! GAH!) Gravity is BACK IN BUSINESS!!!**

**Secondly, HAS ANYONE ELSE SEEN THE CLARE/KC SEASON 9 TRAILER! o_0!!!!! They couldn't just leave well enough alone, right? It looks like they have a lot coming at them and I have NO IDEA what it is! But I do know that KC trashes the locker room (at least from the promo) because he played crappy. I've had similar impulses, though never acted on.**

**Thanks for all the watches and reviews!**

KC's P.O.V

"And then the covalent bonds cause the hydrogen atoms to-" Connor was droning on about something or other, but I couldn't be quite sure what the topic was because I wasn't paying any attention.

Clare walked into the room looking stricken, her blue eyes fixed ahead as if she was afraid to make eye contact with anyone in the room. Over the past couple of weeks, she'd gotten paler, which I wasn't sure was possible. At first I thought it was the trick of the light or a sort of 'self-fulfilling prophecy' on my part, but now there was no denying it. The Clare Edwards standing before me was not the same person. Her eyes, even though they still burned with that fire, had glossed over. Something was wrong and it was driving me crazy that I couldn't figure out what it was.

It's not like I didn't give her an opportunity to say something. Actually, I utilized every chance I could. It was the first time I'd spoken completely open about my problems – my fears about juvie, the restrictions, even why Chase and I had such a falling out – expecting her to reciprocate, but she didn't. Instead, she enveloped herself in my problems, doing her best to come up with a solution for me.

She sat down next to me as usual, giving me a faint smile before turning to face her computer. "You look cold." I commented, fighting the urge to place my hand on hers.

Chuckling, she tilted her head towards mine. "It's the end of winter. Everyone's cold."

"No, I'm not meaning chilly. It kinda looks like you were just dragged out of a frozen pond."

Clare raised an eyebrow, the corner of her mouth twitching. "So, what you're saying is, is that I look half dead?"

Yes, exactly.

But I wasn't about to say that out loud. "Of course not. If you looked half dead, I'd imagine you wouldn't have as much hair." Okay, that was stupid, but I couldn't think of a better way to backtrack.

"So all I have to do is have hair to keep you happy?"

"Pretty much."

"Then I'm all set." She giggled in a very uniquely "Clare" way – it wasn't so much a giggle because Clare wasn't the giggling type.

I stared at her for a few more seconds, hoping that she would give me some sort of segway into hard core questioning. When she didn't, I decided to make my own. This was the sort of thing that I should try and think through, but I chose to just wing it out there.

"Why wont you talk to me?" I blurted out, making sure I had an eerily fixed gaze.

She blinked, taking a moment before meeting my eyeline. Her hesitation bothered me; Clare did not hesitate on anything. She took on the principal for goodness sakes! "What are you talking about?"

The tone in her voice told me she knew _exactly_ what I was talking about. This only made me more angry and I had to tell myself I didn't have any right to be so. "You _know_ what." I responded sternly, trying to mask any frustration I was feeling. Unsuccessfully.

Clare gripped her keyboard, her small fingers tapping the sides in a simple rhythm. "Listen, I-"

"KC. Clare. Please pay attention." Mr. Simpson said at the front of the classroom and I inwardly groaned. Clare, on the other hand, looked like she was somewhere in between 'Oh crap' and 'Thank God'.

"This isn't over." I whispered.

She gave me a look that plainly said that if she could find a way out of this conversation, she was going to.

The entire rest of class, I watched her. Hopefully not in a creepy way – the only person who seemed to notice was Alli, which didn't matter much because of my confession of feelings for her – but I think I was discreet enough. Clare's head was turned to the front of the class but I could tell she wasn't really listening. As her fingers pressed the keys absently, I watched the gears in her head work and I wondered what she could possibly be concocting.

The bell rang and she didn't leap up like I expected her to do. Instead, she casually gathered her books and followed me out of the room. I couldn't help but be slightly suspicious that this was one of those female ploys that seem innocent enough and then hit you out of nowhere. I was so busy trying to figure out what the game was, I realized that I had wasted several minutes.

"So what about _now_, Clare?" I halfway pleaded.

Putting a few books away in her locker, she sighed. "Hardly. We're in school. There's enough drama here as it is."

"Come on! I can tell something-"

"Hey guys!" Alli's chipper voice came into my ears. She was linked arm and arm with Johnny, who seemed indifferent to the action. "What's up?"

Pursing my lips, I widened my eyes toward Clare. She shrugged nonchalantly and I scowled. Through my teeth, I muttered, "We were in the middle of a conversation, Alli."

"It's not that big of a deal." Clare butt in, a twinkle in her eye.

Alli untangled herself and grabbed Clare. "Sorry KC, but I have to steal her away from you. We've got to buy dresses for the Winter Formal dance!"She dragged Clare away, Clare following a little more willing than usual.

I groaned. Johnny chuckled as he watched the two girls go. "Dress shopping. One thing I don't think I'll ever understand."

I laughed but it didn't take my eyes off of their disappearing forms. "This time I think it was used as an escape route."

Johnny lifted his eyebrows and slanted his head toward them. "What's going on between you and Baby Edwards? Did I notice any sexual tension between the two of you?"

"Lots of tension, none of it sexual."

"I thought the two of you were okay now?"

"Oh, we're okay about that, I think." I sighed now that the two of them were gone. "Clare is… being difficult."

"She has two 'X' Chromosomes, doesn't she?"

Grinning, I shut my locker. "This is more than that. I think something's going on at her house that she's not telling me about."

"Why would she tell you?" I glared and he recoiled. "Well, I guess she did look a bit peaked." I lifted my eyebrows at his word choice. "Shut up man. I like to read." After the brief moment of anger, he waved his hand where the two once were. "I don't know what to tell you because I don't have this problem with Alli. I can't get the girl to shut up."

"No surprises there."

"But Baby Edwards? She's a different case entirely. From what I noticed, she'd willing to take the weight of the world on her shoulders before asking for help."

"Gee. That makes me feel loads better."

He gave a non-committal shrug, turning to leave. "But if she's important to you? I say be persistent. Rome wasn't built in a day."

He left. I pondered his words for the remainder of the day, even through practice – which earned me some suicides for not paying attention. Regardless of what I decided to do, I _did_ reach the following conclusion: Johnny was cool. I used to be extremely weary of the kid, especially when he and Alli stated dating. But he wasn't nearly as bad as I originally thought.

I found myself at the Dot later that evening, finishing the last few touches on a couple assignments. Ever since sleeping over at Connor's, I couldn't help but stay out later and later each night with that felt like newfound freedom. While I was editing a term paper, I was vaguely aware of someone hovering over me.

"You're KC, right?" Spinner Mason stood next to my table. "Clare's ex-boyfriend?"

I nodded. I had never been formally introduced to Spinner, but I knew who he was. And, he sort of scared me. I half-expected him to punch me for cheating on Clare. Instead, he asked, "Are you two on good terms?"

My brows furrowed. "Yeah. Why?"

"Because I think something's up and she won't talk to me about it."

I straightened. "I know. I've been trying to get her to talk to me about it but she won't."

He pursed his lips and looked out the door. "This entire week, she's been in here until the Dot closed. I swear, she's just in here to _be_ in here. I'm a little concerned that she's not here, actually."

"She's dress shopping with Alli."

He let out a sigh of relief. "I know we aren't close – even acquaintances, really. But will you keep trying and keep me updated? I don't want Baby Edwards getting hurt."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks Spin."

"No prob." He turned to leave, but then whirled back around. "Oh, and KC?"

"Yeah?"

"I still owe you a slug for cheating on her. Just so we're clear."

From that point on, I couldn't focus on homework. Part of me was terrified of Spinner, knowing full well one punch would knock me out cold. Secondly, I couldn't think of how I was going to get the truth out of her.

Clare had to spill.

**Author's Note: I heart Spinner. Well, protective Spinner. My favorite line so far: "A lot of tension, none of it sexual"… lol. Is ANYTHING with Clare sexual? Please Read and Review!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey everyone! This one's kinda short, I apologize. But I promise, the next is MUCH longer.**

**A couple things: I kinda forgot to mention, the last chapter was a couple days later. I was so disoriented last night, I could barely type let alone think. So, sorry about the minor confusion. And about calling Clare "Baby Edwards" a lot. I always just figured the older students who knew Darcy first would always think of Clare as a Baby, even if she's sort of defining herself. So Johnny, Spinner (ironically, both have made out with Darcy) Small rationale moment.**

**Anywho, I hope you like! Please read and review and get ready for more!**

Clare's P.O.V.

All I was focused on was getting out of my house. The school opened at 6:30, so everyday since the power went off, I'd been in the locker room, showering and getting ready. I actually didn't mind it too much; any excuse to leave the cave that I once called home was appreciated.

Today wasn't feeling that well' my throat felt like sandpaper as a cough raged. I swear, every blanket in my house was on my bed. I'd felt this cold coming on ever since I fell asleep in the rain, but it seemed that it decided to peak at the worst time. When I had no electricity to keep my house above arctic.

My shower was extra long today, especially after KC's comment a couple days ago. For the first time since he cheated, I found myself avoiding him. I knew he knew something was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I had no idea what the repercussions would be and I wasn't taking any chances.

Everything started off like a normal day. On one side of me was Alli prattling on about the dance and on the other was Connor who was explaining the settings of a new robot he was building. KC was silent, staring at me as if his gaze alone would break me. I had to hand it to the kid; he was persistent. A few conversations here, a few comments there. If I hadn't had a stroke of brilliance and IM-ed Alli to save me from KC during passing period, I probably would've split everything.

We all entered her classroom like we did every day, chatting until Mr. Simpson cleared his throat. And then, like every day, he started a lively lecture and asked us to hand in our homework. It seemed pretty standard until everything changed.

A cop walked into the classroom.

I knew he was for me instantly. A piece of me wondered if I was expecting this all along. Granted, the cop was a bit of a surprise, but I knew that when my secret was exposed, it'd be in the most public way possible.

Then it hit me. A cop. My heart palpitated as I thought of my father – in his drunken hurry – peeling out of the driveway. Color drained from my face and I knew I had an iron-vice on my keyboard. The officer was whispering to Mr. Simpson, whose eyes widened and cast a glance in my direction. Everything was going blurry; tears were welling in my eyes and I felt my body tremble a little.

All eyes were on me. KC was gaping at the cop like he would come over and arrest _him_, which would've been funny if I wasn't in a full fledged panic.

"Clare? Can I see you up front, please?" The gentleness of Mr. Simpson's voice had the exact opposite effect it probably intended. I was completely frantic now, approaching the front of the room like I was on death row.

When I made it up there, I somehow managed to muster out, "Yes?"

The officer put his hand on my back and I fought the urge to shake it off. "Ms. Edwards, can I speak to you outside?"

That's when I noticed another police officer standing next to a woman in a business suit. Neither of the three had pleasant faces on and I knew it was too much to hope for an April Fools joke. He led me into the hallway, now accompanied by none other than the Shep – the one person who could make this situation worse.

When the door closed behind us, one of the officers asked, "Ms. Edwards, are you aware of your parents whereabouts?"

"I'm sorry?" I gulped.

The woman in the suit threw the cop a nasty look. She was a plump, good-natured looking woman with frizzy brown hair and stubby legs. She held out her hands as if I was to run and embrace her, which I didn't, "Clare, honey. How long have your parents been absent from home?"

I took a step back. "What's going on? Is everything okay? Is – is my dad okay?"

The cops stepped forward. "Do you have reason to believe that he isn't?"

I didn't know what to say. My heart was pounding and I thin layer of sweat beaded on my forehead. "What are you people doing here?"

The Shep stepped in. "How long have you been living by yourself, Clare?"

I was trapped. I felt like an animal as they all swarmed around me, as if preparing to trap me in a cage. "I, uh-"

"Clare, sweetie." The woman was stepping closer. "Everything's fine. We're here to help you."

"Help me with what? _I'm fine!_" I heard my voice go up a couple octaves and I tried to calm myself down. "What's going on, why are you here?"

"Sweetie, we know you've been living by yourself and coming to school early to shower."

The Shep gave what I could only read was a dirty look. "We have you on tape entering the locker room and exiting it every morning."

The woman elbowed him. "Clare, my name is Julie and I work for social services. We've spoke with-"

"No!" I shouted, recoiling from her touch. "No, my parents _will_ come back! They are going to be home any day now!" Tears were streaming down my cheeks.

"Honey, until they do-"

"No!" The door opened behind me and Mr. Simpson edged his way out into the hallway.

His eyes squeezed with pity. "Clare, listen. They won't take you away from your family if they come back-"

"_No!_ I am _not_ going!"

Before any of them could react, I took off. I couldn't do it. I would _not_ go into foster care.

I used to be a fighter. When Clare Edwards was in danger, she used to fight.

I'm no fighter.

**Author's Note: Jeez, Clare. Take help when it's offered. What happened to Daddy dearest though? Anyways, please read and review! Next up, KC. Always an interesting point of view!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Woohoo! So KC finally figures it out! Love love love (I don't have much to write here)**

**OH! This is going SO much longer than I ever expected. The reason why though, is that I open a lot of sub plots (Jenna, Chase, Reese, ReeseXChase, ReeseXKC, ReeseXClare… Reese is a problem child!) that I need to wrap up! So… it's still going! Lol. Whoopsidoodle!**

KC's P.O.V.

Everything happened so fast, I wanted to stand up and shout "Pause!" so I could figure out what was going on. When the police came into the room, I had a totally paranoid moment that they were coming in after me. I had to remember to restart my heart.

But when Clare stood up, I couldn't shut my hanging mouth. I tried to catch her eyes, but they remained focused on the front. I was frightened to see, although there was a definite panic in her eyes, she was not surprised. At all. If anything, she looked like she'd been expecting it.

It was like watching a car accident; I couldn't not look at it. Clare exited the room, her entire body braced in a defensive position. If Mr. Simpson was still talking, I wasn't aware. All I knew was that the girl that I was in love with was outside, slowly shying away from the crowd of people surrounding her. "No!" Her panicked voice could be heard through the glass.

Mr. Simpson leapt from his seat and darted out the door. I shot up as well, but stayed frozen in place. The woman in the suit looked so familiar. I tried to rack my brain why I'd seen her before, but I was coming up blank.

Clare shouted something I couldn't quite understand, dashing away from the huge group of people. I almost ran after her, all the adults motioning where she once stood. None of them ended up following her, standing and chattering nervously amongst themselves.

The bell rang. Mr. Simpson gave the class a worried look and shuffled back inside. "Okay class, that's all for the day. Will KC, Alli, and Connor see me, please?"

I almost pushed people out of my way as I dashed up front. The officers entered the room, both heaving great sighs. "This is the kind of thing that makes me hate my job." One of them groaned.

I looked expectantly at Mr. Simpson, who gazed at us as if he was about to tear up. "What is going on?" I demanded, not waiting for the other two to reach the front.

The officers' gave each other weary looks. "And you are?"

Mr. Simpson cut in before I could answer with some choice words. "They're Clare's closest friends. Guys, did Clare every tell you what was going on at home?"

Alli's brown eyes sparkled. "She's been acting weird but she didn't tell us what's going on. What _is_ going on?"

The cops leaned in to one another, but not lowering their voices. "If they don't know anything, I don't think it's necessary to tell them anything.

"You guys," Mr. Simpson breathed, his face reddening. He threw a glare to the officers. "A little under a month ago, both Clare's mother and father left without any indication of when they were returning or any plan for Clare. About a week ago, since none of the bills have been paid, the power was shut off in her house. The police went to check up on them and found that Clare had been living by herself."

My heart stopped. Everything made sense. All of her off the wall comments, the coldness of her hands, the late hours… and I did nothing. "T-That's not possible." Alli whispered, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm afraid it is, sweetie."

That's what did it. When she said "sweetie", all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. I knew who that sugary sweet woman was. It was Julie, the social worker who brought me to the group home. Just the sight of her made my stomach drop and my head turn. "B-But, if she's been living in the house with no power-" I couldn't finish the sentence because I couldn't fathom it. I ran my fingers though my hair to distract myself from how shocked I was.

Mr. Simpson gave us all an imploring look. "She didn't say anything? Anything regarding her parents? Because this is a serious situation-"

"You think we don't know that?" I realized I was shouting. Taking it down a notch, I tried again. "Her parents _abandoned_ her. How could that not be serious?"

I didn't hear any response and I had to turn so that they wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. I understood abandonment. Perhaps more than anyone in Degrassi. My parents never existed to me, my foster parents gave up, I'm on kid in a giant group home… yes, I know all about abandonment.

So why couldn't Clare talk to me? I _understood_, I've _been_ there, and yet she shied away. She always seemed intent to make sure _I'm _happy, but I wasn't there when she needed me. The picture of her, in that house by herself, made me sick. Thinking back as she wandered out at night, probably looking for someone to care that she was missing, sent chills up my spine. What if something had happened? What if her house had been broken into? What if she, on one of her midnight jaunts, had been attacked?

Or worse…

I shook my head, the pain from the thought almost knocking the wind out of me. I had to find her. Screw school. The entire point was to teach us about the real world, right? Dammit, this was the real world.

With a determined look at everyone, I bolted from the room without another word. I burst through the school doors, my skateboard in hand. I sliced through the streets as fast as I could, my hand cupped over my mouth. "Clare!" I called out as I went along.

I tried every place I could think of; her house, her church, her favorite stores… When I leapt into the Dot, I had a thick layer of sweat running down my cheeks. Scanning the café, I was about to leave when Spinner caught my arm. "Dude, what's going on?"

I briefly wondered how he knew when I breathed, "Clare's missing. Her parents have been AWOL and a lady is at the school ready to take her to social services. Then she took off."

His eyes broadened and he whistled. "Shit. I knew there was something up." He gave the Dot a frantic stare and whispered, "Damn, Holly J. is still at school so she can't cover for me. Okay, listen kid. Keep looking and call me if you find her. If you don't, I'll get Holly J. to cover for me and I'll help by car."

"Sweet." I agreed, but stopped at the door. "Hey Spin," I added quickly. "Don't take this the wrong way, but why do you care so much?"

Thankfully, he appeared unperturbed by the question. "Dude, I dated her sister." He shrugged. "She's Baby Darcy. And, I guess, I like the kid. It's not every day you someone so brutally defined in their morals and stick by them." Pointing to me, he demanded. "Get going and keep me updated."

I nodded before dashing out the door. My legs were aching as I pushed them further down the backstreets, but I continued to go further. Now I was running more obscure options through my head. Her grandparents were dead and she didn't have any close family around that I knew of. I didn't _think_ she would 'run away', but Clare wasn't Clare right now.

I knew how that was.

I had the same experience when I had the handcuffs around my wrists. Fear overwhelmed me so much that it changed who I was to the very core. I shed that part of myself and I know that, even though it'd be easy to go back to my ways, I could never truly be who I was back then. It felt like I was drowning as I blindly tried to grasp this new person.

I had to find Clare.

But I couldn't get my head straight. My mind was in panic and I couldn't get my thoughts together. Wheeling myself to my favorite basketball court, I heard a thump. And then another. They were a couple seconds apart so it couldn't be dribbling.

Peering through some bushed, I saw Clare with my ball in her hands. I always just left my basketball in the bushes, just because I came here every night and I didn't need to sneak out with a round orb. She was leaning on the pole, her fingers tracing my hastily written name.

"Clare?"

Her head whipped up and she put her palms on the ground as if she would get up and run again. Before I could hop on my skateboard, Clare relaxed and sat back down. I let out a relieved breath. With how tired I was, I probably wouldn't be able to keep up with her.

"Hey." She said meekly as I reach her. She let the ball drop from her hands again and it made a soft thud before bouncing back up.

Sitting down next to her, I didn't say anything. For a couple minutes we sat in silence, the only sound the noise of the basketball hitting the pavement. "Clare-" I finally said, turning to look at her crumpled form.

She tucked her head into her knees. "I know." She muttered.

"Know what?"

"I know I should've said something. It's just, every time I thought about it, I got scared. I just didn't seem that-"

"Clare." I put up a hand. "I wasn't going to say that at all. I was going to say, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm sorry that your parents left."

Clare fiddled with a string on her sleeve. "I-I thought they come back. I thought that-" She chocked on her words.

Wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close, I could only sit as her fingers clutched the folds of my shirt. "You don't have to explain. I understand." I didn't want to let her go. "But you can't keep running away from it all. You have to go back to school – talk to Julie."

She lifted her head. "How-"

"She was my social worker too."

Giving a weak chuckled, she said, "I guess we have more in common than I ever imagined."

"That makes me feel good." It wasn't a lie. It was truer than she could imagine. It felt wonderful to have something tying myself to her that no one else had. "But we need to go back."

"I know."

"But I'll be here."

"I know."

"I won't leave. Ever."

She looked at me as though sizing up the truth in my words. That one gaze hurt like a thousand knives, but then she whispered, "I know."

I smiled. Standing up, I helped her to her feet. Then something hit me. "Oh, before we do anything, can I borrow your phone?"

"Sure. Why?"

"I've got a quick phone call to make."

**Author's Note: Aww… next chapter, ready for this?... … … … JENNA'S POV!**


	23. Chapter 23

**So Jenna! Someone new! This is to shed some more light on our little incident! Meet Jenna!**

Jenna's P.O.V.

Blah, blah, blah. Clare Edwards this, Clare Edwards that. Isn't it sad how that she's been abandoned or isn't it amazing how she's been so self-sufficient? I wonder what's going to happen to her? Yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. Oh, please. She didn't even have to go to social services. Her loud and obnoxious friend Alli is housing her until some pathetic family decides they want a fifteen-year-old daughter. Which, despite the odds for most fifteen-year-olds, will be simple because didn't you know? Clare Edwards is perfect.

I can't escape the damn girl. Even when I was dating KC, she was everywhere. I caught KC staring at her, she passed us in the halls… Hell. Even my locker was tainted by Clare Edwards.

I thought he _liked_ me.

Bitterly biting on my sandwich, I tried to tune out all the conversation about Clare Edwards. Tears stinging my eyes and I avoided eye contact with the boy who made my life a living hell.

KC was in deep conversation with that annoying Connor kid, huddled over his lunch, ignoring all the whispers about him. Yes, KC and Clare were now the 'Ross and Rachel' of Degrassi. Who could forget the image of the two walking into school after Clare took off, hand-in-hand. Just the thought of it made me sick.

I tried to ignore everything, but then Holly J. came up next to me. She was such a bitch. She was probably the only person in Degrassi I hated as much, if not more, than Clare Edwards. "So your little plan to steal away the skater boy blew up, didn't it?"

"Shut up, Holly J."

She smirked. "That's all good and well. Because from where I stand, KC doesn't even know you exist anymore."

Pursing my lips, I stared at my lunch. Clare Edwards deserved what she got. No one deserves to have it all.

**One Month Ago**

"Why does he even like her?" I whined, eyeing that smokin' hot skateboarder I've had my eye on since I came to Degrassi. He was hanging out with some girl, who originally I thought was pretty cute, but when I met her, it all went out the window. She was such a tight ass. "I mean, it doesn't even look like they have anything in common."

Chantay turned, her braids bouncing. "I know, right? You don't need to read the Anti-Grapevine to know that Baby Edwards is a prude about swiping in her V-Card. But I'll bet you anything our resident bad-boy-gone-good has done the deed." I gasped at her as she turned to watch the couple who was currently laughing about one thing or another. "They _are_ adorable, though. But I give it a month, tops."

I wasn't sure I could wait that long. It's just – the way he treated her was so tender, like he had her needs before his. I'd never experience that with any boyfriend I've ever had and I felt jealousy creeping up my spine.

I was sitting in the hallway, sulking about my rotten luck. Then, none other than KC was walking past me with a glum look on his face. Bounding to my feet, I shuffled to catch up with him. "KC, wait up!" He turned, a surprised look on his face, but stopped. "Everything alright?"

He shrugged. Batting my eyelashes, I tried to utilize the charm that seemed to succeed with most guys. I placed my arm in his and squeezed. He gave me an odd look. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I barely know you."

I tried not to let that crush my confidence. "Even better. You have an unbiased listener."

"Well, that's true." I could see his contemplation so I decided to take matters in my own hands.

"Because I know it's hard for you to talk to people. Your closest friend, Connor, doesn't he have Aspersers Syndrome? I'd imagine you can't talk to him much because he'd tell the entire school. But me? I'm a vault when it comes to secrets." His eyes were imploring. "I won't tell anyone."

He lifted his eyebrows and then groaned. "Arg, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess I've just been thinking about my relationship with Clare."

My eyes sparkled. "Why would that make you upset? Don't you _like_ Clare?"

Just when I thought my luck couldn't get better, he said the four crushing words. "No, I love Clare.""

My heart shattered.

I couldn't hide my dismay. "What is it, then?"

He bit his lip, looking more adorable than I could possibly imagine. "It's just… do you think I'm good enough for her?"

That surprised me. It was weird to hear him so insecure. I always pictured it the other way around. No matter how I looked at it, I could not see why Clare deserved someone like KC. He was smart, funny, kind, and gentle. She was uptight, prudish, obnoxious, and rude. I realized I hadn't responded. "What do you mean?"

"Well, she's just so… how do I put this? She knows what she believes in and is freakishly loyal to her friends. She's all in all an ideal teenager. She's so smart, unintentionally funny, beautiful inside and out-" These were _not_ my adjectives. "And what am I? An orphaned high school delinquent who was lucky enough to get a second chance."

I patted his arm, stroking it as gently as possible. "That's crap. You're all those things and so much more! You have life experience and have faced adversity. I understand." I bowed my head, trying not to peek up as I tried to earn some sympathy. "My father left when I was twelve and now it's just my mom and I. That stuff – it helps you grow. Clare doesn't have that. If Clare doesn't understand, that's her problem. I understand."

He froze as if some sort of electric shock coursed through him. I was rubbing his arm as 'friendly' as possible, then he tore it away. "I never s-said she didn't understand." He almost tripped over his feet. "She does – she'd amazing."

"Hey you two!" We both whipped our heads in the direction of Clare, who bobbed in our direction carrying a stack of textbooks. "What's the punchline and why do you look so frightened?"

KC quickly wrapped his arm around her and began to drag her away. "Nothing! She just startled me. Should we head to class?"

And he just let me there, staring like an idiot as he shattered any foundation I may have created. "Got a crush on Guthrie? Join the class of our entire female body." Reese walked up next to me. I used to think he was hot, but I soon found out he was also a douche.

"Go away, Reese."

He pretended to hurt. "I was only here to tell you that, unlike the rest of the female body, he actually has feelings for you too."

I stopped my bitter trudge away, but still skeptical. "What are you talking about? He's crazy about Clare."

"Hey, I'm his teammate. There's an unspoken rule about locker rooms. What's said in the locker room, stays in the locker room. Guthrie wouldn't want Little Miss Perfect to know he's got the hots for you, now does he?"

I clenched my fists. This was too good to be true. "Then why are you telling me if it's forbidden to repeat?"

He shrugged. "It seems that you like the guy a lot. And you two have a connection that he and Clare don't." I raised my eyebrows and he sighed. "Okay, okay! I have a thing for his girlfriend, so sue me! It's the librarian thing – so hot!"

"She's going to be a virgin until she's married."

His laugh was rough. There was something in it that frightened me a little. "Please. The whole Jonas Brothers purity thing? A myth. She'll be all over me once given the chance."

I snorted. "Not likely."

Frowning maliciously, he spat, "Anyway, I just thought you should know. I mean, it's not fair for both of us to be unhappy, right?"

Reese stalked off, leaving me there very confused. But maybe he had a point. If I liked him and Reese liked Clare, wouldn't it make sense? Everyone gets what they want. The idea was too appealing to pass up. A part of me wondered if I should read into Reese's behavior, but I was too excited.

Flipping my phone open, I quickly dialed home. "Hey mom, it's me. I'm gonna be home later. I'm going to a friend's house."

**Author's Note: Hee hee… oh, Jenna.**


	24. Chapter 24

**So here we go! I'm actually in the process of wrapping everything up! Woohoo! **

Clare's P.O.V.

Here I thought I was solving the world's problems but in all actuality I was slowly becoming a Fascist. It was totally unintentional; I hadn't intended on channeling Mussolini or another epically destructive person, but in all of my findings in my depressive state, I resorted to severely declined doctrines.

Tossing my book to the side, I stood up from my desk and stalked away from any textbook that would relate me to Hitler. Wow. My life officially sucked when I was relatable with arguably the worst person in the world. Ever.

That must mean I'm his minion.

Awesome.

"Alli, you cannot go out past eleven!" I heard her dad's rough echoed from the hall.

"But every normal teenager does!"

I had to leave Alli's house. They were all bustling around like a family and I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't until I was outside that I realized I was still in my skimpy pajama shorts and tank top. The cold bit at my skin, but I ignored it. Coldness was really meaningless anyway. My feet carried me down the road until I reached a path I used to walk as a child. Everything was much simpler then. I had a house, family… parents.

The trail led me through a winding path in one patch of my town's many trees, forcing me to clamber over fallen trunks and duck from a stray branch. When I reached the end, it was totally worth it.

Our town of was right on a river, the beach was filled with haphazard rocks and logs that had washed up on shore, but nothing was more serene. It sometimes felt like I was in an uncivilized area, isolating myself from humanity.

Trekking down to the shore's edge, I dipped a bare foot in the water. I forgot how freezing the water was. Pins and needles ran their way up my legs, almost painful. Even so, I continued in the water until I was up to my knees. The pain was almost bliss. Everything I owned was destroyed. My parents, my life, my possessions. So, in the absence of anything, I decided to be cold.

Because I'd been cold for such a long time.

"What the hell are you thinking?" People really needed to stop cussing at me. I turned to see where the voice was coming from and instantly my mood plummeted, if possible. None other than Spinner rushed over to the water and splashed in, grabbing my arm forcefully. Dragging me back to shore, he gave me a hard look. "What's wrong with you? Do you _want_ to lose both legs?"

Giving myself a once-over, I realized my legs were beginning to turn blue. Interesting. Turning my attention back to him, I stated, "I'm trying to remember a moment where you were weren't in my life."

He raised his eyes to the sky and the next thing I knew, he was shrugging off his jacket. Before I could protest, he shoved me onto a log and wrapped the jacket around my legs. Letting out a heavy sigh, he asked, a little more poisonously than I deemed necessary, "What were you thinking?"

"Exactly that. I wasn't thinking."

Grabbing his hair, he cried out, "I can't even begin to understand you!"

"Then why even try? And why do you have this nasty habit of showing up at the wrong times?"

"Or the right times," He mumbled. "Please, will you explain your frostbite tendencies?"

"I have no frostbite tendencies." I sighed, staring back at the water. "I was just thinking."

"Why is thinking such a destructive process for you?"

I chuckled, but without any humor. If he thought my thinking was the most destructive, he might be in for a rude awakening. But I decided to let that go. "Why aren't you at the Dot? Don't you manage the store?"

He smiled and raised his head to the sky. "Yeah, but I'm feigning a cold."

"Wow, good start."

"Hey, Miss Blue Flesh, you can't say anything. You took those rights away when you decided to become a human popsicle." He shook his head. In that way that people did when they thought you were crazy. Granted, I probably seemed like a crazy person, but I couldn't stand another person thinking I was crazy. I just couldn't deal with it.

I bit my lip. "I couldn't handle being around Alli's happy family. So I just bolted.."

He stared for a moment. The shock on his face was only fleeting, but his voice was still slightly appalled when he said, "Well, that explains the shorts. Can I ask why?"

This was a strange experience. I wanted to tell him. I wanted people to stop shaking their heads at me and saying, "Poor thing." Poor little orphaned girl. Poor little orphaned girl who has no parents and is going crazy. Soon, I'd become the Poor Little Orphaned Girl Who Went Crazy and Drowned in the River.

This could not happen.

So, taking a deep preparation breath, I began to talk at warp speed. "I was just sitting in my room, listening to them bicker and talk. It made me hurt so bad. I miss my parents. I don't even know if my dad's _alive_, let alone in Canada." His eyes widened. "I never told anyone, but he was wasted when he drove out. I just can't stop worrying."

When I stopped, I took a deep breath once more. I hadn't breathed through the entire time. I looked to see if he was thinking I was crazy. I could tell when people did. It was the look I always received. I remembered my first day of school after everyone found out my parents left. Everyone was staring at me as if I was mutant, like what we did to new people. I wasn't even new. But they all stood around, waiting for me to blow up or something. Which I didn't, which made them think I was even more crazy. Highlight of my life.

He wasn't looking at me like that. He was looking at me curiously, though. I couldn't make him out. The left corner of his mouth twitched and I realized he was fighting a laugh. "What the heck?" I cried, shoving him. "Are you laughing at me?"

"No," But his voice broke when he said it and he must've opened a floodgate. Suddenly, he was in full on hysterics, doubled over and clutching my shoulder for support.

"Why is this funny?" Offended couldn't even begin to describe the emotion I felt at this moment.

"You're telling me," He managed to get out through heaves. "That you almost became an icicle because of talking? You-are-so-stupid!" And there he went again.

For some reason, maybe it was the way he said it, I didn't know, a chuckle rose up in my chest. Then two. Three. Before I knew it, I was laughing just as hard as he was, tears beginning to roll down my cheeks. "This is _not_ funny!" I got out through heaves.

"Explain what you're doing then, please."

"Losing my mind!"

That spurred us on more. By the time we both settled down, a shiver ran rampant through my spine. That sobered him quickly and he stood up. "I guess there's only one thing we can do then," He said, looking at the trail I'd walked on.

Of course. Just like everyone else. He was ready to leave me and I'd be all alone again. I wasn't ready to leave yet.

"We need to get you warm." Spinner put his arm around me and I felt extremely small.

It was odd walking with Spinner. He had his hand firmly over mine and was practically dragging me down the road. "Can't keep my eyes off of you for a second." He cried exasperatedly.

"I wasn't trying to do anything, you know." I stated, concerned about who he would talk to and what story he would tell. "It's just… it felt nice, you know? Escape reality for a moment."

"Hey, I'm not judging. I used to smoke pot to do that. But Clare," He stopped walking and turned to face me. "You have to take care of yourself. I know your parents were assholes – sorry if that offends you – but people still care about you. There's more than one type of family. And you have a lot of it."

It was easy to say, easy to hear, but hard to believe.

"Have you told Darcy all about this?"

My heart ached when I thought of my sister. For a brief moment, I wondered if my parents would've stayed if Darcy had still been here. I wouldn't be surprised. "I haven't had the opportunity to. I'm Skyping with her on Friday."

"Good." Spinner nodded, resuming his pace. Without looking at me, he asked. "So, KC Guthrie?"

I blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"Are you back together, not back together?"

"Why do you even care?"

He shrugged. "Well, you don't need any extra drama, but I like the guy. Besides needing to deck him for cheating on you, he's pretty cool. And he obviously cares about you a lot."

"This is a bizarre conversation. KC and I are nothing more than friends. We tried the romantic thing and that's not it. 'Friends' is comforting you when your parents bail. 'Close friends' is letting you live at their house while you figure stuff out. But love-" I made a noise and he put up his hand. "_Love_ is being on thin ice with probation, but ditching school anyway and searching for hours for someone. Even if you don't have it, that Guthrie kid's got it bad."

I didn't respond. Love? There's no way KC could love _me_. We already went down that road and obviously failed. Were my feelings for KC gone? I'd be lying to myself if I said yes. Sure, he always made my head spin whenever he was around and my heart try to beat from its chest. But those feelings would melt with time, right?

"Here we are Clare." Spinner announced joyfully, letting go of my hand. "Gave you a lot to think about, didn't I?" He added with a grin.

"Of course not." I responded, playfully shoving him.

He chuckled. "The Edwards sisters. Always in denial."

**Author's Note: I've always had a soft spot for Spin.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Sorry this was so long to get up. I hit the biggest case of Writers Block. I know where I need to go but not how to get there. **

**But I recently had an epiphany moment. **

**So it'll come faster like before, now that I'm back on track. I think the issue is, is that I know what I need to write for Clare, but not for KC at this point. But I've got it now! Woohoo!**

KC's P.O.V.

"Are you gonna freeze me out forever?"

"Yes." I seethed, trying to focus on putting my books in my locker. It was difficult, especially since my hands were quaking.

Chase leaned up against Clare's locker. For some reason, this made me more angry; not only did it solidify that Clare was not here, but that she had been replaced with Chase. I tried not to shudder. "Come _on_, KC! This is so stupid! So I made a bad decision. It's not like you haven't done that! Big deal!"

"Bad. Decision." I repeated the words, but they were filth in my mouth. Slamming my locker shut, I faced him. "You left me at the car! You ratted me out when it was your own damn idea! The cops _asked_ you if you saw suspicious behavior and you told them exactly where I was! I was the damn _lookout_! _You_ were the one hot wiring the car!"

By the time I was done, I realized everyone was staring. Did I shout that? It appeared I did. Looking away, I tried to cool my nerves.

"Dude, I'm not proud. It was a visceral instinct to save myself. But all the other guys did it too!"

"And I'd treat them the same way if they were here."

He scowled. "What happened to you? You turned into a bitch boy."

"Excuse me, you're on my locker." Clare came into view, giving Chase a hilarious stare. It was something along the lines of 'If you don't leave soon, I will hurt you' – in the politest way possible, of course.

"Whatever." He mumbled before stalking off.

A faint smile was on her lips. "And… you're welcome." She said happily, opening her locker.

"Thank you." I breathed, laughing with her. I was instantly calm. "He's really beginning to piss me off."

"I know this is a long shot, but did you ever think he honestly wants to start over?"

"I entertained the thought for about a second and realized how stupid it was." I sighed. "You look… thawed."

"Unlike my last place of residence, this one has heat." She laughed, but I didn't find it funny at all.

"How's it going over at Alli's?"

"It's fine." She sighed. Opening her locker, I watched Clare clutch her textbooks briefly. "I mean, it's not home, but I don't think I'll have that ever again, will I?"

"No." I said simply. I considered being gentle about it, but then I realized that's not what you need in this sort of situation. I hated it when people gave me cookie cutter answers and Clare was a smart girl. Granted, her feelings were probably more fragile than mine were, just because I was used to crappy things happening. "You probably won't. At least what you think family is supposed to be. Unfortunately, even if your parents come back, it won't be like it was."

"Well, that sucks." There was a light hint of humor in her voice and I had to stare. A grin twitched in the corner of her mouth.

I couldn't help but snort. "Are you laughing?"

Snorting, she slammed her locker. "I'm not crazy, I promise. This entire experience has been yanking my emotions around like a doggie toy, so I'm afraid I have massive mood swings. It explains you a little more." She chuckled.

"I beg your pardon."

She gave me a look. "Oh, c'mon. You have the biggest mood swings in the history of the world. Now I understand. You just can no longer have appropriate reactions to stressful stimuli."

"Are you kidding me, Edwards?" But I was laughing.

We began to go to class, side by side, a little closer than usual. I used to notice this stuff all the time; how she would lean in when we talked or how from time to time, she would wait for me after class just so she could tell me one small part of her day. That was such a long time ago, but it seemed I carried the trait through the weeks. "You know what I realized?" I commented after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"I still need to teach you how to skateboard."

"Yeah. That's not going to happen."

I raised my eyes to the ceiling, nudging her shoulders. She shook her head sternly, but I knew one day, I would force that small child to ride my skateboard. I was busy concocting schemes to get her to the skate park, I didn't even notice we entered the room. It wasn't like I paid much attention anyway, but I couldn't even focus. I was going to get the girl on a skateboard. At this point, I was torn between dragging her with chains or knocking her out with chloroform.

"KC, mind joining us in the land of the living?" Mr. Simpson chuckled as he straightened his papers. "I said you and Clare are partners in this project. I'd imagine she wants to do well."

Clare laughed with the rest of the class. I grimaced at this, but not because of their laughter but because I had no idea what project he was talking about. Whatever it was, I was just paired with the World's Best – albeit, hardcore – partner ever so I couldn't complain. I was just concerned she might use her feeble attempt at punching to prove her point about the necessity of paying attention in class.

As it turned out, the assignment was a bit of a joke. I'd completely forgotten that this week, it was the required "Social Issues" for the school, highlighting pressures some lab coats believed teenagers went through. We were assigned "Substance Abuse" and I panicked for a moment.

I knew a lot about substance abuse.

Unfortunately, in ways that weren't from a textbook. It figures that as soon as everything was falling back into place, we'd get assigned the subject that could very much mean my death wish. Clare was jotting down a few ideas on paper, nibbling the end of her eraser. "Got any big plans?" She offered, grabbing her books as the bell rang.

When she picked up her notebook, something fell out. At first, I thought it was a crumpled piece of paper, but when I unfolded it, I let out a tiny gasp.

It was the Edwards family. Except, not. It was what the Edwards family used to be. The four of them were just sitting in their back yard, all in complete laughter. Clare was in her mother's arms, Darcy in her fathers, the two parents seemingly restraining the two. Everything in the picture was what I wanted all my life and I can imagine, what was in Clare's nightmares. Flipping the picture over, I noticed some writing. It was hard to read through all the scribbles, but I could barely make it out. It was obviously written by Clare, but at a younger age when her letters weren't so precise.

_Psalm 27:1 - The Lord is my light and salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is my stronghold of life – of whom shall I be afraid?_

Then it was snatched from my hands.

I looked up to see Clare, whose eyes went wide. Her fingers wrapped around the piece of paper, clutching it close to her chest. "That's just-" She trailed off, her eyes wandering out the door. She heaved a heavy sigh, everything that I'd been watching from her apparent in that one sigh.

It was a sigh of someone who was completely lost. Someone who felt completely abandoned and needed someone to reach out. She wasn't okay. She was so far from okay, I wondered how she'd been fooling everyone. "Clare-"

"I've got to get to my locker." She said hastily, rushing out.

She wasn't getting away that easily.

**Author's Note: One more minor breakdown of characters! Woot. Clare can't pretend she's perfect fine forever!**


	26. Chapter 26

**I actually know where I'm going now! Woohoo! *passes out party mix* Everyone should dance!**

Clare's P.O.V.

And here we were again. I was running and KC was chasing. I was going to give the boy a lot of exercise by the end of this mess.

"Clare, wait up!"

Throwing my head behind my shoulder, I cried, "Don't you have basketball practice?"

Please, oh please, let him have basketball practice.

"I don't care!"

Not the answer I wanted. "I have homework, which I'd like you to know, I'm blowing off every second I continue to talk to you." I burst through the doors of Degrassi, trying to shake him off. My mind wandered briefly to my locker where everything I owned was. This was much more important.

A low chuckle came from him. A slight rain began to fall on us, but I barely noticed it. Rain was a usual occurrence here, so close to the water. I felt it soak through my sweatshirt, beginning to saturate my clothes.

"Listen," I started, trying to find the words to express what I felt. I needed to get him away from me. "You and I are close. I think. I know that we are better than we were and such but we never go here. We never go into personal stuff. And frankly, I don't think I want to cross that line."

"Clare, you're ridiculous." He snorted, his wet hair dripping. "The reason we're friends is because of personal stuff. If you recall, the reason we started hanging out was because you were assuming I was practically special needs."

I turned away from him, disgusted. That was blown way out of proportion so many times.

"That beside the point. You already know my parents are gone, so that wasn't new. I am fine. I'm working through this. I mean, let's face it. Our relationship changed. We've don't talk about this kind of stuff anymore."

"Because you won't let us!" He cried, running down the steps. Grabbing his hair, his breath became labored. "You just don't understand, Clare! Life isn't supposed to be this hard. You don't have to do it all by yourself all the time!"

"Yes, I do!" I cried out, surprised at my own zealousness. He didn't understand, he could never understand. "Because last time I checked, that's all I have!"

He stared. Not the stereotypical stare of incredulity, but stared as if I was a Martian. His eyebrows pulled down over his eyes and he bit his lip. I'd never been looked at this before. Glared at – no, gazed at – as though they were sad for whom I've become.

Who am I now? I didn't even know. But I didn't like the way he looked at me. It made me feel, well, it made me feel ashamed.

"Do you really think that?" He asked softly, staying on the last step as I moved to cross the street.

I couldn't even look at him. I was not having this conversation. I did not want this conversation. I almost spent a two months avoiding this conversation.

Turning around, I turned my attention back to the road lights, which were being lit as the sun nestled by the mountains. The lights were intoxicating. Just like the need to blurt out my life secrets to KC. That was ridiculous. I'd known the guy for half a year.

Yes, the fact of the matter was, I was alone. All alone because of some stupid affair that caused both of my parents to go AWOL. It was still a bit surreal. I still woke up from time to time, thinking they'd be there. But no. All I got was another family, who could never be mine. I was a ghost.

The word alone pounded into my chest, making me want to just curl up in a ball for the remainder of my life. And if the way I felt was any indication, that wouldn't be much longer. This was just dumb.

"I really should get working on the beginnings of our project while you're in practice." I said, moving to leave.

Then KC was there, blocking my path to cross the street.

"No."

His words startled me. "I beg your pardon?"

"N-O. No. Do you not understand plain English?"

The hardness in his voice was foreign to me. I'd never known him to have such a solidifying tone. Gazing into his eyes, I knew he meant it. I could push him aside and make a break for it…

Yeah, that's a brilliant plan.

"Excuse me, KC. I have homework to do." I tried to move his arm, but he wouldn't budge. "Seriously KC, stop kidding around. Let me go."

"I want to know what you're thinking. Not your cookie cutter answers to your peers, not your pretend normal responses to the counselor. I want to know what you're thinking right here, right now. Until you tell me, I'm not letting you go."

"Okay first of all, someone needs to get off the crazy train. Second of all, I am not having this conversation."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not." I grinded my teeth, trying to control my anger. It was not working.

"Actually, I think you are."

"KC!" I shrieked, feeling myself break loose. This wasn't good. I was on the verge of screaming on him, which would then make me lose him forever. Maybe I should go to Social Services and move far, far away.

He stood there, not moving. I couldn't come up with anything that would be a successful idea. I hadn't been this frustrated in a while. Here, I thought it would be awkward telling him I thought his previous best friend was the biggest freak in the world and now I was contemplating jumping in the middle of the road.

I walked away onto the last stair of Degrassi and sat down at on the hard concrete. Glaring at him, I didn't take my eyes off his face. We were there in the most stubborn staring contest of mankind, not moving for several minutes.

He relaxed his position and took a step toward me. I quickly calculated the odds of me being able to get around him in time. They weren't good. Even if I was able to get past him, I bet one hundred to one that he'd be able to catch me. So instead, I kept my arms crossed and glared at him.

Sitting down next to me, he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I wondered briefly whether it was out of comfort or a need to make sure that I wouldn't bolt. "Clare, I don't mean to be an ass-"

"You're doing a fabulous job of it, nonetheless." I spat, refusing to look at him.

"-but I really think that you are going to be pushed over the edge one of these days. Believe me, I know."

"Really?" I said with mock-relief. "Because last time I checked, you practically spout rainbows when you walk!"

"Everyone has their baggage, Clare." He responded quietly, his hold tensing. I hit a nerve. It was a low blow, and I knew it. I just wanted to be left alone. "But what you're doing is unhealthy. You wanna know what one of my biggest fears is?"

"That one of your girlfriends is going to be intelligent and you're gonna miss it because you refuse to talk to them?"

A snort made me know I had made him laugh, but he was trying to hold it in. "No," He wheezed after a moment. "One of my greatest fears is that one day you're going to be absent from school."

"I should tell you, if you ever get drafted, you might have a change in heart of what your greatest fear is."

"Don't be stupid." He retorted, the humor gone. "I'm afraid that one day you're gonna be gone from school because-" He choked. I didn't understand. KC was definitely not one who couldn't get out what was on his mind. "-because you were gone, period."

Oh man.

I wasn't sure how to respond. "KC, that's really dumb. I think you should be more concerned about the girlfriend thing."

"Will you please be serious for one second of your life?"

"I don't understand!" I shouted, which was as truthful as I'd been this entire night. "We've known each other for a grand total of half a year! My life shouldn't matter that much to you!"

That stare was back. I was beginning to realize how much I loathed that stare. It made me feel very exposed. But then I realized that my words left a lot to interpretation. Well, wasn't that just fabulous.

"You need to start understanding that whether or not you believe it," He said through clamped teeth. "That life is a lot more sacred that you seem to give it credit for."

This must be a sick joke. "You think I don't know that? You think I don't understand how important life is?"

I was done. I was not going there, nor would I ever. Shooting up from my seat, I began to stalk away. Then a hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. No, no, no. "What." I didn't even ask a question, especially since my anger was practically radiating off of my body.

"If you're so determined to isolate yourself from everyone on the planet," His words were spicy. "Then why even become friends with me? Why even bother if you're just going to live like a hermit the rest of your life?"

"Did I even have a choice? I remember you showing up everywhere I went."

"Clare, you could've just made me leave. Trust me, I've seen your magic in action."

"I don't believe in magic." I said softly. I was very close to crying.

KC's grip lessened. "What?"

"I used to believe in magic. I did once, but then I grew up." Turning around, I spat, "And maybe you should start too."

He flinched at my words. Shaking his head, he joked, "If magic wasn't real, than I wouldn't be here."

"Yes you would. You'd just be an overweight alcoholic."

"And I am none of those things."

I tried wrenching my arm out of his grasp. "How'd we even get on this subject? I thought you were here to yell at me for keeping a crumpled picture in my notebook!"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, because my petty grievances outweigh your severe lack of self-esteem any day of the week." Then he let go. "Fine, Clare. Fine. If you want to go, just go. But answer me this one question. If you have any respect for our friendship."

This couldn't be good. "What?"

"Why did you turn your attitude around if you were just going to freak out once you started acting like a person again? Why even have friends if you were planning to wallow in your own depression?"

I don't like the word wallow. Its implications were grandiose. It made me feel two inches big and like one of those whiny teenagers that I would make fun of on a regular basis.

"Because!" That was a brilliant response. "I don't know why!"

"Oh please. What a great answer."

"Shut up, KC! I don't know!"

"I should've known that you'd end up freaking out like this. I don't even know why I even tried."

His words cut. "Because! You make me feel free!" And the award for the dumbest thing you could possibly say goes to… He's going to laugh in my face.

He appeared more surprised than anything. "What?"

I felt the crimson flushing on my face. "You, you – uh – make me feel free." I finished sheepishly. "I-I don't know what happened to you in your last school, but something must've happened. And yet you stand here, before me, one of the happiest people I know. And somehow, I don't know, it gives me hope that one day I can be invariably happy once more. Like – like everything holding me down is cut and I can fly."

I couldn't look at him. Now free from his grasp, I whirled around and began to stalk out of there. How embarrassing. All I wanted to do was sprint away, but that would be far too conspicuous. All I wanted was to leave. I needed to get out of there.

I didn't know KC's response. I didn't want to know. I didn't even look back. Because if life's trends were true, I just frightened away the closest friend in my life.

**Author's Note: I'm running out of things to say. *streamers***


	27. Chapter 27

**Yay! Another chapter! So, KC decides to strap on a set (wait, is that crude?) in this chapter. About friggin' time. I mean, if you think about it, this was all a big misunderstanding. Set up by Reese. Hmm… wonder what he has planned next?**

KC's P.O.V.

There are moments in life when I wish that had someone else's rational mind. I literally stood there like a moron as she stomped away. Bottom line was, I didn't know what to do. I tried to think of what I would've wanted in this situation, and the answer was to be left alone. But being left alone wasn't the right answer and I knew it.

"Clare!" I shouted, sprinting over to her. For some reason, an unexplainable fear traveled over my body. Her words chilled my very bones and I wanted to cry out. Something about her tone made me completely petrified. There was something that I recognized. I recognized it because I heard it in my own voice, months ago.

When my friends abandoned me for the police, that's when I knew I was alone in the world. I had no parents, no real friends, and no future. The only future I could see – as the cops snapped the handcuffs on my wrist – was behind bars. And everything in my life up to that point seemed meaningless. No longer could I even pretend that my drinking, my drug use, my constant violence was okay. I couldn't use the excuse that I had no family anymore. They weren't ruining my life.

I was.

When that hit me, I had that tone. The tone in Clare's voice that scared me more than anything. Because I remember it in my voice.

When I bought the gun.

"Clare!" I grabbed her arm and pulled her around.

Now, I screwed up a lot. A lot. More times than anyone should get in their lives. But if I could make this right, if I could make Clare see that she _wasn't_ alone, maybe I could earn a little bit of that Karmic debt back. I _had_ to save her, even if I knew she wasn't mine to save. There was nothing else I wanted at that exact moment in time. I wanted, no, _needed_ to pick up the pieces and put them back together.

"What the heck, KC? You're stalking me now?"

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I needed a moment to figure out exactly what I was going to say, how I was going to make her see how truly necessary she was. If not in her parents lives, but mine. Instead, I just glared, my mouth slightly parted for my labored breathing. She gave me my venomous look right back, and I knew it was now or never. I stood across from him and stared.

She glowered. "Are you not going to say anything? Because, I gotta tell you. This is taking your violation of privacy thing to a whole new-"

"Shut up."

I wasn't sure if I actually said that. I don't even think my lips move. The words were just so soft and venomous, my mouth instantly shut. I never thought I'd ever tell Clare Edwards to shut up in my life. I knew I would pummel anyone else who did it.

Bowing my head, I gripped my hands. I could hear her breath slow and I whipped my head up. I knew my eyes were bloodshot. After a moment, I muttered, "No. You do not talk." Her chest rose up and down. "For a moment, for this point in time, you do not talk. I am going to talk and you are going to listen."

I don't know what had come over me. This authority was frightening. I never expected this from me. Preparing myself, I paused.

She peered at me and then moved to leave. "Okay, then. Clare, you listen to me and you listen good. I will admit, I don't understand a lot of what's happened to you and I m not the best people to be giving out life advice. But dammit, woman, if you don't start talking to someone – not ever me but someone, so help me-" I paused. "What were you thinking? Are you mad at me? Are you so mad at me, you want to give me a stroke?"

She opened her mouth to argue, but I cried, "Shut up!" My voice resonated in the street. "Sorry," I apologized, lowering my voice. "But you are nearly giving me a heart attack." I motioned for her to follow me back to the stairs and sit sat back down, my monstrous form slumping. "I've been looking forward to today, wanting to talk to you about everything. I know you're your own person and that you've grown up and dealt with things and have an obscene amount of self reliance, but I need you to get it into your thick skull that I care about you too."

I knew I caught her off guard. I found myself frozen in my seat, watching her stare at me incredulously. I'm positive she hadn't heard those words since her parents left.

"And regardless whether you let me, I will not stop wanting to protect you. Protect you from your pain, protect you from anyone who might hurt you," My eyes became distant and I had to conceal a moment of rage in them. "But the one thing I can't protect you from is yourself."

I waited for a moment, seeing if she was afraid of me because I opened my stupid mouth. But it needed to be said.

When I made no motion to continue, she said hesitantly, "I don't know where you get this desperation. You're talking to me like I had a gun to my head. One thing _you're_ going to have to get into your thick skull is that I-am-not-suicidal." She stated, staring at me directly in the eyes. "I'm not suicidal, I'm just sad." She took a deep breath. Here was the conversation I knew she didn't want to reach and yet, here I was going to force her to have it.

Moving her eyesight away from mine, she began.

"I'm sad that my parents are gone. I'm sad that no one understands why I've become like this. It's not like I wanted to become this person. I don't even like who I've become. I want you to know that I'm totally aware of this fact." It was beginning to rain. Allowing herself to be distracted once again, she continued not to look at me. As if she didn't want to know about this repulsion.

"When it first happened, I was in shock. I just didn't understand any of it. I kept thinking I'd wake up and it became an awful dream. I forgot to live, pretty much. I barely ate, slept, never talked." A humorless chuckle came out. Not much had changed. "And then it hit me. My parents were never coming back. As much as I wanted them to, they would never walk this earth again.

"But that period of time became my life. It was who I transformed into. I didn't understand it myself. But that was who I was – who I am. And as much as you don't understand, you don't have to because it's not your life. It's mine.

"It's mine and mine alone. One thing I don't think you understand more than anything is that I am alone. And that is a true statement.

"You know what it feels like to be completely alone? I know people generally flock to you because you're so likeable, but I'm not. I've had to grow up and realize when it comes to me, I am all alone here. And I'm okay with that, you know?" She choked. I had to fight the urge to grab her and never let go. "I understand – I get that I-"

I couldn't take it anymore. Her words were cut short when my two very large arms were around her. She started to stumble over her words, tears forming in her eyes. A sob rose up in her chest and I tried sucking mine in. I did not cry. Clutching my arm, she made a feeble attempt to take my arms off of her. But she didn't. I tried to remember the last time someone held me like this. With this desperation and trusting.

I couldn't.

The tears were free. How embarrassing. I couldn't look at her. I kept my face turned, because I needed to be the strong one. I needed to be the one who had a level head.

Looking up, she placed a firm hand on my arm. "You can look at me, you know."

Yeah. I could also die. "I know." It came out more as a croak than anything.

"Sure you do."

I planted himself right next to her, our shoulders touching. "I'm still here." I said softly.

"Don't say that." She murmured, the words poison in my ears. It was like nothing I could say would reach her.

Once again, my arm was around her shoulders. I couldn't stop trying. "You are so stupid sometimes. Are you aware of that?" My voice was calm, but I couldn't mask the hint of sorrow. "Now I suppose it's my turn again. Clare, you need to comprehend something. First of all, I am not as put together as I seem." I laughed at those words. "I'm happy because you make me happy. I don't really know how to explain it. You remember when I picked up your books, the first day we met?"

"Vividly."

"You wanna know why I did that? Because when I saw you, granted, it was pretty incredulous, I looked at that outfit and it made me laugh. Sorry about that if you take any offense, but it was the first time I'd laughed in months. It was weird; it was like a foreign language. And was even weirder was the fact that it was weird.

"On my first day of school, I was panicking. I, uh, wasn't exactly the most popular back home. You know I was forced to leave."

"I know."

"I had to leave my last school for more reasons than I've ever told you." I coughed. Now was not the time to explain. "When I came here, I was just trying to get through life without crashing to the ground. I didn't see that happening. But then you made your stupid assumptions and were too proud to admit you were wrong. I was kinda cute. And it made me want to be stronger than what I was because it was the first time I felt alive in months. It made me _want_ to be strong for you. It made me _want_ to be happy, just so you might be happy.

"I need to tell you, you make me happy. So if you are stuck with this absurd thought that you are alone in this world, I am here to tell you that this is not true. It is so not true, it makes me sick. You have me. You will always have me. I will never leave and I will do my best not to hurt you. You've helped me in ways that I don't understand myself. You are not alone."

Leaning my head on her shoulder, I felt a strange connection between us. I've never put any stock into destiny, but I couldn't help but wonder. If I had never stolen that car and gotten my life cut from beneath me, this wouldn't be happening. I couldn't remember a time I felt more whole.

"So, I need you to stop going crazy." I stated, my voice a little huskier than I remember it ever being. "I need you to realize that you are worth it. I need you to realize you will never, ever again, be alone."

"I'll keep that in mind." She grinned, placing her head on mine. I sighed. "Man, life is way too complicated sometimes."

"I'm pretty comfortable right now."

Chuckling, she smiled. I guess she was too.

**Author's Note: Yuppers! Next up, Darcy and Chase! But not together. That would be weird. Word.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Things are wrapping up! Except not. This story has gone much further than I ever imagined, but I leapt adding all these outside stories and then I had to tie up loose ends… I mean, what am I even gonna do with Reese? He's too attractive to leave out. **

Clare's P.O.V.

Skype was taking forever.

I watched that little telephone jingle time and time again, my patience filtering out of my pores. Glancing at the clock, I read five o'clock. Well, that was our scheduled time. I drummed my fingers against my knees, waiting for that green light…

"Darcy!" I cried when her face came on the screen. She was a little haggard, dirt smudging her cheeks and her skin was dark, but she looked more beautiful than I ever remembered.

"Clare Bear!" She laughed, waving.

For a brief moment, I had my family back. It was a strange sensation. I felt a warm bubble rising in my chest and it felt like I could fly. I knew my face was going to break if I smiled any broader, but I couldn't help it. "Jeez, Clare! I'm happy to see you too but calm down before you hurt yourself!" She laughed and I couldn't help but join in. This was my family. Darcy was the only family I had left and here she was, staring at me. I couldn't calm the smile down.

"Darcy! I can't believe it's you! It's been way too long-"

"Is everything alright, Clare?"

Her words threw me off. I wasn't expecting her to realize something was up this fast. I knew my sister and I were close, but we'd been separated by miles for almost a year. "What are you talking about, Darcy."

She gave me a pointed look. "C'mon, Clare. You know I'm gonna get it out of you before this conversation was over."

There was humor in her voice. I had to close my eyes. There was humor. I knew this was a bad idea. It was a bad idea to get anyone involved. "Darcy, uh-"

"Clare, what is it?" The humor was gone. Her eyes went wide, fear licking the corners. She knew.

"Mom and Dad are gone."

The words were stale in the air. "W-What?"

"They left. About a month ago. Dad was having an affair because of mom's late work hours, she found out and high tailed it out of here. Then dad went after her. I haven't seen either of them in over a month."

Darcy was frozen. A part of me wondered if the connection was lost and I just had a still picture of her. But then her hand covered her mouth. She was crying. I had to bite my lip to prevent me from doing the same. I couldn't show her how hard it was. I couldn't let her know how many tears I've cried since she'd been gone. I looked away, trying not to let her own emotion get me.

"Are you serious?" She whispered and I had to look up to see if I heard her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"Yes."

There was another bout of sobbing and I tried to look away. This was too hard. "What happened to you?" She managed to get out.

"I lived in the house by myself for a while, waiting for them to come back. Then the power went out so I had to find somewhere else to live. I'm with Alli, Sav's sister, right now. Social Services might take me somewhere else though."

"No!" She cried out, the webcam fizzling a little. Steadying the camera, she appeared as if she might pass out. "Clare, you can't become a foster child!"

I sighed. "I don't really see anything else as a possibility. The only reason they let me stay is because if they took me now, I'd lose my entire quarter. So, I'm with Alli until they figure it all out."

"No!" Darcy screamed and there was some sort of crash.

"Darcy, calm down!"

"How can I! Clare, how come you didn't tell me sooner?"

I took a couple moments. "How would I even reach you? Darcy, it's not like I have Nairobi on speed dial." I let out a huge wind of air. "Sorry. It's been a long month."

"I'm coming home." She stated, standing up from the chair. "I'm going to come home as soon as I can."

"What? No – Darcy, the orphans-"

"Clare, this isn't right! I've been thinking about coming home anyway, but this is the last straw! I don't know when the next plane is coming out. But I _will _come for you, Bear. I _will-_" Someone shouted in the distance. "Shoot, Clare, I've got to go. But the next plane that leaves Nairobi, I'm going to be on it. I love you so much."

The screen went black.

That's when I couldn't hold in my tears anymore. I touched the screen, my sister's face gone from view. I wanted her here, even though I knew she shouldn't come back for my sake.

"Clare, there's someone for you at the door!" Mrs. Bahdari called from downstairs.

"What is wrong with the world today!" I cried out, frustration leaking from my pores. "I'll be there in just a sec!"

I hopped down the stairs and practically ran into my friend. Alli was looking at me suspiciously. "I've never seen this boy before."

"Well, there are about eight billion boys you've never seen before."

Ignoring her disdained look, I pushed past her and froze.

Chase.

The first thing that came to mind was, "Oh, crap, did he see me?" The second thing that came to mind was, "If I only had a gun."

Then I realized I should probably say something.

"Hey Chase, what's up?" Nonchalant. That's a good start.

He shuffled nervously at the door. "Hey Clare, you want to go for a walk?"

No. No, no, no, one thousand times, no! Anyone who was willing to "Um, I'm pretty frazzled. I haven't had dinner or finished my homework..."

"It's okay. My parents understand you're still your own person." Alli waltzed over, a smile curling on her face.

I hate Alli sometimes. When it comes to boys, she has a one track mind. Chase's eyes lit up at this news and he motioned for me to follow him out the door. I threw my friend a nasty look and she just grinned. Snatching my coat off a coat rack, I glared at her. "What is your problem?" I hissed as I leaned down over her.

"Have fun. You know, KC isn't the only boy at Degrassi." She whispered back, glancing between the two of us with humored eyes.

She forced me into a corner. There was a reason the two of us barely went to each other's houses when my parents were around.

Stepping out into the rain – this really topped it off – I blinked as we walked out. "We could stop by the Dot to get you some dinner, if you want." He offered, hugging his jacket closer.

Okay, besides the fact that he gave off a creepy vibe, maybe he wasn't as bad I thought. Dinner is good. I should really give him the benefit of the doubt. Pursing my lips, I said, "Sure. I could go for some dinner."

The rain was a lot harder than it was last night. It pelted us, drenching us almost instantaneously. I walked in silence, hoping there was a point to this and he wouldn't end up ticking me off again.

Ah, a girl can dream.

"So, I just was wondering if you liked me." He suddenly said. Just as I expected.

"I'm sorry?" I feigned ignorance. That seemed like my best option at this point.

"I know KC must've told you all about me. But I wanted to know if you already hated me without actually knowing everything."

Creepy _and_ perceptive. I wasn't sure how to handle this. He seemed genuinely concerned, which was one of the strangest parts. "I don't know what you're talking about." I hoped that sounded believable. "I mean, sure. Everyone knows about KC's bad past but he doesn't talk about the specifics."

"Yeah," His voice sounded unconvinced. "KC doesn't talk about his past at all, really."

I snorted. He appeared happy by that gesture, which made me feel slightly bad for how I acted. Maybe he was okay. Maybe I was imagining things.

When we reached the Dot, the two of us were soaked from head to toe. Peeling off my jacket, I shook it out, sending water everywhere. My t-shirt was soaked as expected, but there was no way I was stripping in front of anyone, especially Chase.

Walking up to the counter, I called, "Spin?"

He came out, giving Chase the nastiest of looks. "Hey there Clare. What's _he_ doing here?"

I almost laughed. "I see you two have met."

Spinner glowered. "Not formally."

"This is Chase. Chase, this is Spinner." The quick introduction made both men uncomfortable, it seemed. "Hey, could we get some coffee and hamburgers please?"

"Sure, Clare. I've got my eye on you, punk."

I led Chase over to the window with a window right next to us. Sitting down, I drummed my hands against the table. This was awkward.

"So, Clare, how have you been doing?" Chase started amiably.

I stared. What an awkward boy. "I've been fine. Yourself?"

"Good. I'm glad I'm out of our old school. It's really lonely without KC there." His voice seemed sad. "But he looks like he's really happy here. I think that's because of you."

Spinner came over with our food, setting them down in front of us. He peered anxiously at Chase and then wheeled around. The look in his eyes was unsettling. I wasn't sure what that exchange was about.

"That's really flattering." I stated distantly, finding my food very entertaining.

"He talks about you a lot. He seems to think that you are the funniest person in the world. Granted, he says you're funny unintentionally, but he goes on about you."

"Mmm," I figured primal noises would be more than sufficient.

He hadn't touched his food. He was currently too busy gazing at me longingly. Like I was a piece of meat or something.

"It's really weird. Because back home, he just seemed to date because he could. I don't know if you've noticed, but he's never had trouble with girls."

"I'm very aware."

"Does that upset you?"

I placed my coffee back on the table with a loud clatter. "Excuse me?"

"Does it bother you that he's attracting all of the girls?"

I choked back a laugh. "Not really," I got out, grabbing a napkin before I sprayed coffee down his front. "KC is KC."

He grinned. "That is a profoundly true statement." He took a quick bite and became thoughtful. "Why do you think you two got so close so fast?"

"Okay, you're going to have to stop saying stuff like that when I'm drinking my coffee." I said, dripping down my front. Great, now I'd be coffee stained as well as a drowned cat. "What are you talking about?"

"He's really protective of, unlike the kind of protective he would be with his past girlfriends. I don't know if that's a new thing or you're special."

"What would I need protecting from?"

I didn't really want to know the answer. But as soon as I asked, there was that glint in his eyes. How could a man's eyes change like that? He looked like an entirely different person. Malicious, even…

"I'm not sure. Don't you see that he goes out of his way to make sure no male is ever alone with you?"

No. The only person I ever saw him do that with was with Chase. I wasn't about to say that, though. "I think you're imagining things."

Scrunching his nose up, he stated, "Maybe so. I just don't understand it though," He trailed off, giving me an opportunity to take my eyes off his face. "If I'm completely honest, I'm a little jealous of you two."

"I'm sorry. I hope you aren't upset with me for how much of his time I've been monopolizing." Not that he'd really want to hang out with him in the first place. I knew KC was avoiding Chase, but I wondered if Chase really wanted his friend back. I couldn't make him out. There were moments when I thought that he genuinely was lost without KC, and there were moments when I wanted to shower.

"That's not it." Of course it wasn't. Because the world would be fair if that was it. "It's the closeness you two have. The connection. The bond."

I felt his eyes travel from my face and I lost my appetite. _No, he's not doing that. I'm just overreacting._ I tried to tell myself over and over, focusing on a painting behind his head rather than him. My heart began to race once again and I closed my eyes. I couldn't help it, I had to slow my heart rate before I went into cardiac arrest.

Taking a deep inhale, I said, "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, c'mon. You have to know. The two of you seem inseparable. I've never felt that with a girl before. He's so lucky."

Get your eyes off, get your eyes off. "I'm sure you'll find someone. You just have to be open and not treat girls-" Like objects, like billboards. "-like crap. It's really not as hard as it seems."

His gaze lingered. "That's not exactly what I meant. Just the prize of it-" He stopped, shaking his head. "-off limits." I wasn't sure I was supposed to be able to hear it.

Had KC told him I'm off limits? I would love him forever and a day if he had. Although, even if he did, it didn't seem like Chase paid much attention to his instructions.

"It's just not fair, you know?" I wasn't sure whether he was still talking to me. "He has to leave, and the first person he sees is that girl, right?"

"That girl?" I didn't care if he was creating a soliloquy, he was confusing the heck out of me.

"That girl that you want to tell everyone to. Who knows all your secrets. Who means the world."

My chest began to heave. Why did he make me feel so uncomfortable? Why did he-

His hand rested on mine. I almost jerked them out of the way, but I was too paralyzed to do so. I was breathing heavy, not even trying to control it. Was the room spinning? I think it was-

"Done with breakfast?" I said way too fast, snatching his food under him. I practically ran over to the counter, placing the plates on it. Spinner gave me an inquiring look, which I tried to meet with exasperated eyes. Did I look afraid?

I felt afraid.

"I really should be getting back home." I said, not completely going over to the table. "Going Dutch on this one, right?"

Okay, maybe I shouldn't have blown him off. But what could I have done? He crossed the line. He touched my hand, he touched… Okay, I'm dumb.

"Clare, are you okay? You looked flushed." He had a smile on his face. That made no sense. Why was he smiling? Who could possibly smile with such an obvious rejection?

"Yeah, I just have so much to do." I felt tears coming on. Such unexplainable tears. Why was I about to cry? Why was I so afraid? Why-

"Hey Clare, how – what's going on?"

As I was sprinting out the door, I ran right smack into KC, almost bouncing off of him. He caught me by the shoulders, gripping me tightly. Chase walked up, looking particularly sheepish. KC's eyes narrowed. "What the hell is going on?"

"Nothing much, dude." Chase shrugged. "We were just talking, had some dinner."

The tears were so close, even though I couldn't explain them. Through quivering nerves, I managed to get out solidly, "Okay, so you two can entertain yourselves? See you later."

Without looking at either of them, I pushed past KC and bolted out of the Dot. As soon as I was out of eyesight, I started to sprint. Not basketball sprint, but run for your life sprint. I could only recall one other moment where I ran that fast. After my parents disappear, I ran away from my house, not wanting to go home. Now I ran away from the two boys, wanting to just get out of the stupid city, get out of this nightmare.

I wanted to be somewhere safe. Was that too much to ask? Why couldn't I be safe? Why couldn't I be unafraid?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack violated Jill and she crashed down the hill, falling, falling, falling. Never stopping.

Just falling.

Gravity.

**Author's Note: Yay! I mean... uh… Boo…**


	29. Chapter 29

KC's P.O.V.

"I swear, I'm going to kill you if you ever, _ever_ do anything to Clare." I tried not to make a scene, but I was finding it obscenely difficult. My hands were shaking, my mind was completely off the charts and all I could see was red. "You need to back off. Or I will make you."

"Why?" He spat. "Why do you care so much? It's not like you are going out with her? I've been at Degrassi long enough to know what you did." My eyes widened and he smiled maliciously. "Yes, I know your little secret. You had her, and then you decided she wasn't enough. So you went after that blonde chick, losing it all. You're not perfect, KC. So I don't know where you get off, telling me what I can or cannot _do_."

Without even thinking, I raised my fist and took a swing. Next thing I knew, someone was holding me back and I missed. All I struck was air and there was a clambering behind me. Spinner had both my arms pinned, practically lifting me off of the ground. "I think you should leave." He seethed to Chase, motioning for the door. "And you're not welcome back here."

"Because this guy tried to punch me? I'm the one getting kicked out?"

Spinner was grim. "Think of it as me saving you. Because I could easily let KC go, but that would also mean a hospital trip for you."

My breath was coming fast. My entire body was trembling and all I wanted was for Spinner to let me go at that moment. I needed to have a go at him. He didn't deserve to oxygen. But I wasn't going anywhere. Spinner's grip was like a vice, pulling me further and further backward. Chase gave both of us dirty looks, spitting right on the floor. "This isn't over, Guthrie." He stalked out, slamming the door hard enough, I was surprised it didn't crash onto the floor.

It was like magic. As soon as I couldn't see Chase's face anymore, I realized what could've happened if Spinner hadn't been there. Sickness washed over me as I thought about my fist contacting with his face. That was not good. "Thanks," I breathed, now completely free. I wiped my hair from my face. I felt flushed and I knew everyone was staring at me.

"No problem." Spinner relaxed, heaving a great sigh. "It would've sucked for you if you landed that blow."

"Tell me about it." I wheezed, shutting my eyes. I needed to calm down. "He just – gets to me. He keeps talking about Clare like she's some sort of object and it just gets me going."

"I know. I'm going to knock the kid out – _and_ I won't go to juvie for it."

"Lucky." I grinned, but knew nothing about it was particularly funny. "I should probably head out. This kind of stuff makes for complicated conversations with my group home leader."

"Good luck, man."

I paused before leaving. "Why didn't you throw me out?"

Spinner appeared confused. "Why would I though you out after everything you did for Clare?"

He had a point.

*~*~*~*

"I didn't know!"

"I don't care."

"C'mon! Sue me for having my friend get back out on the playing field."

"Alli, I'm trying to _ignore_ you right now, and you're making it particularly difficult."

"KC, it's not like I meant to send her out with the creep from your old school! I never actually _met_ the kid, so how was I supposed to know that he-"

"Alli, it is socially unacceptable for me to hit you. It also would get me thrown in jail. I'd appreciate it if you stopped talking now."

I pushed my food around my plate, the dark-haired beauty now huffing at my side. I knew I shouldn't be so mad at her, but as soon as I caught scent of her part in the story, I couldn't help but want to shun her from my airspace for the moment. Perhaps one day I'd get through to Alli about danger and boys, but it didn't look like any time in the near future.

Clare sat down next to us, completely oblivious to the fact that Alli was glowering at me (probably in hopes that it would kill me). She fiddled around with her food and then dropped her fork with a clang. "I'm sorry, but I can't hold it in any longer!" I couldn't sense the tone in her voice.

So the list began. I panicked that she would yell at me, but then I hoped she would for bringing so much unwanted drama in her life. Then I wondered if it had to do with her parents and Social Services and was panicking more that she would be taken away. Then I-

"Darcy's coming home!" She squealed, a smile broader than I'd seen in ages mounted on her face. We all gaped at her. The corners of her mouth dropped and she stammered, "I-I mean, I know it's bad that I'm causing her to come home because of the-"

"That's so great!" I beamed, unable to control my excitement. Just seeing her face light up made my chest rise. I hadn't seen her that excited in quite some time. "When is she coming?"

"I'm not sure, the flight schedule's out of Nairobi are sporadic. But, I don't care." She was laughing in her food, which was almost the most adorable thing in the world. "I know I shouldn't be so happy-"

"Why not?"

She merely grinned in response, taking a bite out of her sandwich. "Oh," Putting up a finger, she said, "Do you want to work on our project tonight?"

I tried to suppress a smile. The thing wasn't due for another couple weeks. "Acutally, I have a different proposition." She looked suspicious – as she should – and I grinned. "A couple of the guys from my group home wanted to go see a movie tonight. They asked if you wanted to come along. Everyone hasn't seen you in such a long time. I honestly think they like me more when I'm hanging out with you."

"No surprises there." Alli snapped, apparently irritated that she no longer was able to participate with this conversation.

I rolled my eyes. "I just overheard you telling Connor you and Johnny are having a date night tonight. You can't have it both ways!"

She gave a huff, but didn't respond. I smiled, trying to get her answer. "You know you want to." I laughed.

"Fine. And I'm assuming you guys are choosing the movie, so I'm gonna have to prepare myself, correct?"

Nodding, I answered solemnly, "I feel like that would be for the best."

She rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh. Maybe everything would work out after all…

**One Month Ago**

I sat on my bed, complete unaware of what was before me. Man, I really screwed this up. Clare didn't even say anything and here I was, assuming she was going to leave me because of something Reese said. _Reese_. If Clare knew I snapped at her because of that, she'd probably smack me. Well, if she was violent.

"KC, you have a visitor." Nate's voice called down the hall and I peered up. I thought Clare had Youth Group today, but not that I was complaining. I needed to say a lot.

Before I reached the door, the polar opposite of Clare stepped in. I was a bit taken aback as Jenna entered the room. I only knew her from our brief encounters, but she seemed dangerous to me. I didn't want to be completely arrogant, but I kinda felt like she was always coming on to me. But, that seemed stupid because Clare and her were friends. Friends wouldn't do that.

"Oh hey, Jenna. What are you doing here?" I said after I noticed a few moments of silence passed.

"Oh, you know. I heard some nice stuff about you today." There was something weird in her voice. I didn't like it.

"Really?" I mused, still suspicious. "Normally gossip isn't too kind to me."

"I find that hard to believe."

She was sitting on my bed now, eyeing my room. I didn't want to join her. That felt like I'd be walking into something. "Um, I don't want this to sound rude or anything, but why are you here?"

"Do I need a reason?" She cooed, staring right at me. It was unnerving. "Why are you dating Clare?"

I blinked. "I'm sorry?" Talk about pulling out of left field…

"I was just wondering because it doesn't seem like you two have much in common. Not to mention, you two come from very different background. I mean, what can you relate to with her. Her life is practically perfect."

"T-That's not entirely true." I stammered, confused as to where this conversation was coming from.

She was tracing the designs on my comforter now. "Is it, KC? Because I just don't see it lasting very long. What can you two even talk about-"

"It has never been a problem." I said quietly.

But here it was again. Evidence from the outside world that Clare and I should not be together. How many people thought so? And how long was it going to take for Clare to figure it out? She was going to find someone else, someone who was just like her, and I was going to be cast out. Like garbage. For what seemed to be the millionth time in my life. I just couldn't do it.

Tears stung my eyes at the idea of losing her from something as stupid as our different pasts. But it was true, wasn't it? We shouldn't be together. It made no sense. We were nothing alike.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset." I barely heard Jenna's voice.

"Please go." My voice was a few octaves lower, huskier than it usually was. "I need to get some homework done."

She didn't move. Turning to the door, I opened it and motioned for her to leave. With an interesting glint in her eye, she got up. Slowly, she dragged her feet across the carpet. "Just realize, you have things in common with other people."

I slammed the door.

The tears fell. I didn't like crying. It was so weak. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't fathom losing the one part of my life that was going right. Stripping off my shirt, I tossed it in the corner. I walked over to the door to go take a shower, but when I turned the doorknob, I froze. Jenna was still there, staring at me.

"What are you-"

Before I could finish my sentence, she pressed her lips firmly on mine.

**Author's Note: At least we now know why KC had his shirt off…**


	30. Chapter 30

**WoW! Only a couple chapters left, really… I'd say *mentally counts* maybe just one more and an epilogue! Or two.. I'm still in debating. **

**Please Read and Review, even though this has been going on forever!**

Clare's P.O.V.

There were times in life when it was nice to escape reality. That's what movies were for, right?

Reaching the theatre, I rushed inside. I searched around and I realized how pathetic I must seem. I was counting down the seconds until I could leave to go to the movies. Alli was going through her closet for the 'perfect outfit' and was driving crazy. I almost called Johnny from the living room to save me. I searched the theatre, having a brief panic moment when I could find them. Then I heard, "Clare, you made it!"

I turned around to see KC jogging over to me. He was grinning from ear to ear and rushed to my side. "Hey KC, thanks for moving up the movie time. Alli was going to kill me."

He grew solemn. "Was it awful?"

"She got out a pair of tweezers and attacked my face."

"Ah, the casualties of girls' nights."

He chuckled and led me over to his friends. They all were standing in the corner with those stupid grins on their faces. There were three more of them. One of them was tall and gangly with shaggy brown hair. I'd only met him a couple times – Nick - but he was relatively shy. KC told me it was because he went to jail for beating up his father, but everyone suspected the abuse was mutual. He waved and tipped his head. "Hey Clare."

The short, stalky boy with dark skin and chocolate eyes was Nathan, a fairly intimidating boy at first and then a doofus once you spoke with him. Waving at me, he said, "Long time, Edwards."

The last one – I never functioned fully around. James was gorgeous. He had ebony hair with light tan skin and piercing blue eyes. "About time you came back into the picture."

They all smiled at me mischievously and I felt the apprehension on my face as I leaned backwards. Okay, I should probably wait to show my true colors before I start isolating myself, but what the heck. "It's nice to see you all too. Looks like I came into a conversation because of your barely controlled glee." I waved.

They all started laughing. I grinned. I liked guys so much more than girls. They weren't drama queens. KC nodded appreciatively. "So far, so much better than the last girl who hung out with us. She ran away screaming."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay then. I have a few precautionary questions for you. Have you ever murdered someone? Has anything you've done been illegal in more than fifteen states? Do you live in the basement?"

They all grinned at each other until Nathan finally mumbled, "No comment."

"Fair enough. I don't want to be a reputable witness if I'm ever called to a court of law."

"That would be the smartest thing you could do for yourself."

Following them down to the ticket booth, I quickly gazed at the posters to try and determine the movie that they were planning on seeing. I went from poster to poster until – "That has to be the one you want to see." I commented, shaking my head at the poster smack dab in the middle.

It depicted a fairly ripped man with his shirt off and a huge slash across his chest, in his arms draped a half naked woman. Behind him was the earth that was going through what I could only assume was the Apocalypse, the reason being robots. Turning to my companions, I rolled my eyes.

"Of course!" James cried out. "You didn't think we'd see that movie, did you?" He jammed his finger at a poster with two people tastefully making out.

"If you did, I think I'd have to start judging you."

The three boys once again started to laugh. James hit me on the back, almost sending me sprawling forward. "Hey, I think I like you. When these two told me that KC was dating some good wholesome girl, I thought you'd be some tree-hugging hippie. So far, no dreadlocks and your name isn't Rain or anything weird."

I pondered that. "Actually, that is what my parents initially wanted to call me, but then think their high lifted."

He smiled, revealing is pearly whites in perfect alignment. "I heard I was going to named after a nuclear waste mill as a protest."

"And they didn't end up doing it? Shoot, that prevents me from mercilessly making fun of you."

KC seemed disturbed by something and cut in the middle of us. "Wanna go get seats? We want to make sure we're in a good placement of the movie!"

I couldn't match his enthusiasm. Actually, the majority of this time, I was wondering why I just spent nine dollars on this movie. It would probably be a total suck-fest. Ah, the price of getting away from tweezers.

They sat us right in the middle row, middle seats. There was only one other couple, although I doubt they'd do much movie watching when their faces were intertwined. Why pay nine dollars to do that? I could think of many other places where it'd be a lot cheaper.

"Do you think they're here for the action?" KC hissed in my ear when he realized my attention was taken by the live make-out session behind us.

"Oh, I bet they researched this movie to ensure they made the right choice."

It was weird being with all guys. All guys that were just there for fun and complete stereotypes. I thought stereotypes were horrible, but after this night, I'd have to reconsider that. Being in a theatre with three guys who laughed when people died, stared transfixed when the woman lead came out in a bikini, and hooted with pleasure when the male lead killed three men with a single bullet. I thought I'd hate this movie, but I found myself enjoying it and beginning to act like a guy.

So weird.

When it was over, we all left the theatre in a complete uproar (leaving the couple to continue their business). The four of them were almost on the ground laughing and I found myself uncharacteristically chuckling along with them. Nick, who appeared to be the quiet one of the group, finally choked, "When that man died because he got a plate to the skull? Awesome!'

At that point, my euphoria ended and I felt myself slipping back into my sarcastic self. "Yes, because the next time I have the Nazi's attacking me, I'll take the first piece of cutlery I can find."

James clapped a hand on my shoulder. "That's why you'll be drafted first."

"I assumed as much anyway, just because I can't see you four ever contributing to society."

KC fake-winced. "Ouch, Clare. And here I thought you had a bubbly personality."

"Sorry to disappoint."

The strangest thing was, it appeared I didn't disappoint. The four were treating me like I wasn't just fun to hang out with, but like I had been their friend for ages. We started walking back to the parking lot when –

"KC, Clare, what are you doing here?"

Sweet Moses.

Reese came swaggering over with his latest girlfriend clutched between his arm. I could imagine how that would be comfortable, seeing as he was so domineering. But, like the first time since I met him, I wished he wasn't here. Closing my eyes in preparation, I stuck up a hand. "Hey Reese."

He stalked over, practically dragging his girlfriend, and began to appraise the four boys with disapproving eyes. "Who's this?" He scoffed, taking his arm off Michelle – I think that was her name, but with Reese, I hadn't actually _seen_ half his girlfriends – and folding them across his chest.

"Sorry," KC snapped, not sounding sorry at all. "This is Nick, Nathan, and James. You guys, this is my teammate Reese."

"Ah," James laughed. "So _this_ is Reese. Nice to finally have a face to put with that hit I'm supposed to carry out."

"Yeah," Nathan nudged his shoulder. "Now I realize I should've bought a smaller gun." The two laughed.

Reese appeared less than amused. Tension filled the air and I threw a quick glance at KC. He stiffened.

"Um, Reese?" I coughed slightly and nodded to the forgotten girl at his right. "Why don't you introduce us to the girl?" I tried keeping things amiable, but it clearly wasn't working.

It looked like Reese didn't like confronting KC when he was outnumbered. "Oh, right. Uh, this is Kelly. She's new here."

So I was wrong. At least I didn't call her Michelle.

"Okay Reese, as fun as this is, I'm assuming you have a movie to catch and should leave about now." KC spat, his eyes ablaze.

With one last narrowing of the eyebrows, Reese snarled out a gruff goodbye and left. Sighing with relief, I turned to the boys. They all burst out laughing. "_That_ is the boy giving you all the grief?" James cried. "One swing and I could knock the kid out!"

"And get sent to jail." Nick quietly added. James threw him a nasty look.

Laughing, I waved him aside. "Please don't be concerned of Reese. He's definitely not worth it. He's like the equivalent to Sully from Monsters Inc."

"But Sully scared small children for a living."

"But never killed them, that's an important distinction."

The four instantly came at ease. "So you'll never let him kill us?"

I gave KC a playful shove. "Nah, I guess not. But just because you just made me watch the worst movie. Ever."

"You're quite welcome." KC rubbed the back of his head. "This was bizarrely fun. Although I was hoping you'd run from the theatre."

James nodded. "I was told there might be fleeing. I'm severely disappointed."

I rolled my eyes. "I guess we'll just have to do this again, then."

"That is if KC lets you hang out with us. It took him months to let us even meet you and even longer letting us hang out. Who _knows_ when hang out #2 will be."

"I could always force him." I laughed, the thought of it quite silly in my head.

"Yeah," KC drawled, raising his eyes to the ceiling. "_That's _a possibility."

"You never know. I'm full of surprises."

**Ah, yes Clare, you are. Please R&R!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Huge chapter! Not length, but in what is in it. So, a few notes before you dive in!**

**I wasn't sure I wanted to put this in here. So a brief warning, this scene is why it's rated 'T' – besides the occasional swearing. I wasn't going to go this route, then I was, then I wasn't… it was a coin toss until I got to this point and realized the story wouldn't be completely without wrapping it up. So.. woo.**

**And the last part. In the promos, KC's been seen trashing the locker room. Now, I know this reason isn't the true reason why – I vaguely recall him screaming that 'he sucked' and I'm assuming that's regarding basketball – but I wanted that in this story nonetheless because I started this when there were only a few previews out and you didn't know. So what up!?**

KC's P.O.V.

Pass up to the top. High screen on the left side while the posts do a down screen. Watch for backside defense and look for holes in the middle. Watch the feet and try to drive baseline. These thoughts ran through my head as I tapped my feet nervously. Everyone was already in the locker room in a dead silence, slowly changing as if we were about to go get executed. Close.

Regional Championships.

My hands were shaking. Finally, not in some girly, my-life-is-covered-in-drama way, but a legitimate, holy-crap-I'm-starting-on-the-Regional-Championships way. My moods were very specific. But, despite the fact I almost threw up, it was nice to know that I could still strap on a pair when I wanted to.

"Hey, KC." Reese slinked over, rubbing his hands together. There were nerves in his eyes. Well, there should be. Last game he had three consecutive turnovers. "I just wanted to say, truce. At least for now." When I gave him a skeptical look, he said hurriedly, "Listen, man. I'm sorry I went after Clare and I'm sorry I've been trying to make your life miserable. But, for the team's sake, why don't we try and act like teammates for one game?"

I stared at him for a few moments, not quite sure what to make of it. "Okay," I said vacantly, allowing for no interpretation. Reese continued to look at me, probably checking if I had a concussion or was on a drug of some kind. When I didn't do anything else, he nodded curtly and went back to his locker.

Coach Armstrong came into the room, his face solemn. He was a nice man and a good coach, but on game day, the game face was on. He had a clipboard clasped in his hands and he stared at all of us expectantly. "Okay gentlemen, this is it. Starting lineup. KC, Reese on top-"

I didn't hear much after that. Reese and I started together? That was new. Generally it was one or the other, but never both at once. We exchanged a quick look. Yes, the 'truce' would have to last at least the next two hours, otherwise, we were screwed. There was a glint in his eye that made me kind of trust him – just for the time being, of course.

Words of encouragement passed through my ears like the wind; I had a knot in my stomach that I couldn't untangle and I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the basketball game. I couldn't quite explain it, but something wasn't right. I couldn't shake it off. Call it paranoia or call it street experience, but it was something. I used to get it back home, generally when cops were involved.

Stepping out on the basketball court, I scanned the stands. It was crazy; it seemed like everyone and their family was there. Even though I knew it was futile, I couldn't help but search for something that might suggest I, too, had family.

To my great surprise, my eye caught something.

In the corner, there was a group of people standing up on the top bleachers by a sign that said _"Go #32 KC Guthrie!_. Alli, Connor, Mr. Simpson, and Clare all surrounded the gigantic sign screaming with the crowd. I knew there was a stupid look of incredulity on my face, but I always wondered what it would be like to look into the crowds and see a family there. Now I knew.

I felt a goofy-looking grin stretch on my face. "Guthrie, get going!" Coach Armstrong snapped me out of my reverie and I stumbled onto the court.

As we warmed up, a dark figure entered the gymnasium. I swore. Chase came into the gym, seating himself at the beginning of the bleachers. He folded his arms and glared at the court. My eyes flickered to the corner where Clare was, who was completely oblivious to the unwelcome addition.

"Alright boys, huddle up." I tried to shove my frustrations with Chase out of my mind. I could not deal with this right now. "Tonight's the night. If we go down, we go down hard. But we are going to go as hard as we can. Because if we only give this only a second-rate performance, we don't deserve to be here. So pressure high up top and don't let the back court defense get any easy points. Okay, one, two, three… _Degrassi!_"

Tucking in my jersey in my shorts, I shook out my hair, wishing it would be as easy to shake my nerves away. As the referees stood at the center of the court, I threw another scowl at Chase's direction. He wasn't even paying attention to the game. His eyes were up at the corner, where my 'family' was. That knot was in my stomach again. The whistle blew.

Now was not the time to open the Chase door.

"You both ready?" The referee asked. "Let's have a clean game, now!"

As soon as the ball was thrown into the air, the game was the only thing that I could process. "KC, break time for you!" My teammate ran out, tagging my hand. I grumbled briefly, but willingly went to the bench. I hadn't had a break this entire game and it was already the second quarter.

Flopping onto the bench, I grabbed some water. "Rest up, KC. I'm putting you back in there as soon as I possibly can."

I nodded, pouring a little of the water on my face. I watched the game intently, watching Reese get jabbed in his chest. Grinning to myself, my attention was caught from across the stands. Clare had gotten up from her seat and walked out of the gym. My eyes narrowed as Chase looked away from game, his hungry eyes following Clare.

A few minutes after she left, Chase got out of his seat and left. I wasn't entirely sure what to make of it and tried to continue to watch the game. My attention wasn't there anymore. I couldn't figure out why Chase had left after her, but I didn't like it. Reese, who caught my eye from the court, turned his head toward the stands. His eyes widened and he ran along the baseline. "KC, get out there!"

"What?"

But he was already gone.

Pursing my lips, I thought of the 'truce'. "Coach, I've got to run to the bathroom really quick." He threw me a nasty look and I bolted from the bench.

Sprinting down the hallway, I didn't know what I'd find. Despite feeling obscenely foolish, I prayed that it would be nothing. Clare went to the bathroom, Chase went home because he was bored…

But life went like that, did it?

"No!" I heard a muffled scream and my heart sank. It was like in that moment, everything was falling around me. I could literally feel the pieces of my heart snap and crumble. "Get off me! Help! Get off-"

There was a slam. I didn't know how I did it, but somehow my feet moved. I could only believe that a higher power had _willed_ me forward, because there was no way I could do this on my own. Was I breathing? I wasn't sure. Perhaps I was. I couldn't tell anyone if any vital internal processes were still continuing.

"Shut up, bitch! You can't say that you haven't dreamt about this!" The course voice made my skin ice over.

"Let me go!" The girl's voice go weaker, shaking with every syllable.

I turned the corner and then _knew_ I wasn't breathing. Clare was pressed up against the wall, Chase's hands wrapped around her fragile wrists. Tears were rolling down her face as he tried to push his mouth firmly on hers, but she resisted, wrenching her face from his grasp. Clenching his fist, he connected solidly with her jaw and her entire body went limp. If he hadn't been hold her so tightly, she would've crumpled to the floor.

"H-hey." I couldn't even hear my own voice. I couldn't find it. I couldn't move. My emotions and insides were frozen. "Hey!" A little louder. My blood was pumping again, now alit with one thing: anger. "_Hey_!" I screamed, now sprinting over.

Chase's head whipped up and for a singular moment, our eyes locked. Beneath this chocolate irises flashed a film of uncontrollable hate and that's when I knew. This had nothing to do about Clare. All the taunting, all the sexual references… nothing.

It was my fault.

He sprinted. I was now in the middle of the two, watching Chase book it out of Degrassi, his form fading in the darkness. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I chase after him, should I stay?... A soft weeping came from behind me and I knew. I knew the right thing for the first time in my life as if God Himself was standing before me with a flashcard. I was needed here and here alone.

"Somebody!" I cried, my voice cracking as I knelt beside Clare. She was huddled in a ball, her hands covering her cheeks. "Somebody help!" I didn't know if my calls reached anyone, but I couldn't leave. Blood dripped through her fingers and I sucked in another breath. I had to remain calm. For her. I could lose it later, but at this moment, I couldn't let the poisonous rage seep into my skin.

"Oh no." I don't know who, but someone breathed. "I'm going to call 911." It was a girl's voice, but I couldn't tell if it was familiar or not.

Clare's hand wrapped around mine. Kissing the top of her head, I whispered, "It's going to be fine. You're fine. I'm here. You're safe now. The ambulance is coming." I felt her head shake beneath my arms.

"N-No," She stammered, trying to get up. "T-That's stupid. I-I'm fine."

No, she wasn't fine. I wasn't letting her go _now._ "KC, what are you – what the hell?" Coach Armstrong burst through the gym doors, his glower quickly morphing into surprise. Cop cars were pulling up to the school, people running into the lobby as if it was an episode of CSI. "What's going on?"

I didn't respond. I just continued to hold her like my life depended on it – which I think, at this moment in time, it did. "KC," I heard Coach's Armstrong's voice again. "We've got it from here. Why don't you go to the locker room for a moment while Clare talks to the authorities?"

I didn't move. There was nothing he could say that could – "Sir, please step aside for a moment. You can be with your friend in a few minutes."

That did it. My inherent fear for the police kicked in and I stepped aside. Clare's wide, blue eyes shone in my direction once more and I had to look away. Bruises were now lining her neck and it was suffocating me. In a way I have never imagined. I have been put in a holding cell, I have been bounced from house to house, but I never felt as smothered by life as this.

And sick.

Sprinting to the locker room, I retched in the nearest garbage I could find. Gripping the sides, the metal clanged in my trembling fingers. Without any thought or agenda, I picked up the newly soiled garbage and chucked it across the room. It smashed into the wall with a resound slam. Breathing heavily, I stared at the twisted piece of metal. Another. I picked up the nearest moveable object and threw that too. And another. The locker room became a sound center for junkyard noise, everything losing its place and shape.

Just like the world. Just like me. Just like Clare.

"Dammit!" I screamed, my voice echoing off the walls. "Damn it all to hell!"

Damn it all to hell, indeed.

**Author's Note: Gah!**


	32. Chapter 32

**It's drawing to a close! This is about a week forward from the last chapter. Clare hasn't said much to anyone, unfortunately. I figured pages of silence would be boring…**

Clare's P.O.V.

Darkness. I couldn't see. I couldn't see anything but darkness. Time made no sense anymore. There was no time. Time did not exist. Day and night just became one thing. There was nothing.

I'm not sure how long I had been in the same spot. Staring at the same thing. When did I push all my furniture against my door? I didn't even remember doing that. But everything was up there. My bed, my desk, my dresser. Everything that could reach my windows were piled against those. I was locked within my own room.

I never intended on leaving.

I don't remember the last time I had tearless eyes. It just seemed that I was always crying. I never wasn't crying. That's just who I became to be.

I also never slept. I couldn't sleep. That's why the days were turning into such mush. I could see the light of day, so there was no longer light. I couldn't see anything.

My back was pressed up against a wall, but I didn't feel it. I felt like I was falling backward, ready to plummet to my death at any moment. My hands clutched my knees. All through this, every second of every day, only one thing was on my mind. Only one thing could hold my attention.

The pain. My body felt like it was becoming two pieces and I had to feel the rip in every muscle. In every tendon. It hurt so bad, I could barely see. I used to think that I heard knocking. Maybe the door budged every once and a while, but I wasn't sure. The only thing I was _sure _of now was the letter in my hands. The letter saying they were going to take me away from here, away from everything, forever. Julie from Social Services was coming at the end of the week.

I had to leave this house. I wasn't entirely sure what made me walk down these particular streets, but I couldn't help it. For some reason, my feet led me here: the place that was the catalyst to everything that went wrong.

KC was sitting on his porch, his head cocked up like he'd been on full alert for a while. He made a few movements like he wanted to spring up, but he didn't. Instead, I moseyed my way over to him and sat down.

I tilted my head toward the sky. The sun was setting. This was the best time for the city. The stars came out crystal clear here.

"Social Services are coming on Friday."

The words blurted out of my mouth before I could stop them. I could feel his eyes swivel toward me. But what I couldn't feel was what was to come. When I turned to see his own face, it was crushed. Completely crushed. "W-What?" He whispered.

"They're casting me off somewhere. Don't know what to do with me." I sighed and put my face in my hands. "I'm not sure what to do with myself either."

There were tears in his eyes. Gripping my face with his hands, he annunciated, "Clare, I am so sorry."

I bowed my head out of his grasp. "I know." I whispered, clutching my sides, feeling as though I might fall apart if I didn't.

We sat there for a moment. He dropped his hands and stared off into the woods. "What a mess. Please Clare, how bad is it?"

I wasn't sure how to respond to such a question. "What do you mean?"

"How bad is it?" He asked the question slower, cutting off each word sharply. It seemed to give him pain just asking.

I felt quite small once more. "I don't know, KC. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel if that's what you mean."

"Cliché." He chuckled softly. "Why'd you come over here? You stopped talking to me."

I didn't know the answer to that question. I knew the cookie-cutter answer, though. "Instinct." I mumbled, somehow a little further away from KC than I had been previously.

"Clare."

"KC, you're my best friend." I said quietly. I realized at that moment, I'd never called him that before. I'd always considered Alli my best friend, but now? I couldn't ignore it anymore. KC and I shared something that Alli could never understand. Strike that. That _I_ could never understand. "I-I don't want to go to Social Services, but I think I should." This was the most rational I'd been think in quite some time. "I think I need to find something. I can't find anything right now, KC. I can't find anything but darkness."

His silence was painful for me. Sucking in a sharp breath, he said, "It's my fault. He was my responsibility. I thought – I never would've guessed that he would – I can't believe that he would ever do something like that-"

A humorless chuckle escaped my lips before he could finish. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. "KC, it's not your fault. There are so many things I – I should've told you how uncomfortable-"

"No!" His shouted made me flinch. "Sorry. But you are not allowed to take any of this on yourself."

I disagreed with that. There were so many things I could've done. But nothing compared to what Chase did. I just couldn't even believe this happened.

"I promised you'd be safe. I promised I would watch over you. I promised so many things, none of which I actually followed through with. I said I'd keep you safe, even try keeping you safe from yourself. But I never would've thought," He broke off, as though this revelation was actually painful for him. "I never would've thought that I'd be the one you'd have to be rescued from."

"KC-"

My words cut short when I saw his face. Everything that we'd been though up until this point couldn't have prepared me for this.

Because I agreed with him.

KC got up. He leapt up in the air and ran into his house. Confusion hit me. The first emotion besides hurt and anger I'd felt in a while. Lifting myself slowly off of his porch, I opened the door. It was quiet.

Making my way through the familiar house, I called, "KC? What's going on?"

Noises were coming from the kitchen. I turned the corner to see KC rifling through some drawers in his kitchen. His large hands wrapped around a drawer and a mess of knives clinked around. "KC, what are you doing?"

There was a crazed look in his eye. "He will die for this." He seethed, gripping a particularly large blade in his hands.

A new panic came over me. "What did you just say?" I didn't actually want him to respond the same way because I knew exactly what he had just said.

"He is going to pay."

Rushing over, for the first time since the incident, I felt no self-inflicted pain. I just felt a frantic rush of adrenaline, pulsating through my veins. "No, KC. Put the knife away. Put the knife away right now!"

"No, he is going to die. I am going to kill him. I have been an idiot! Covering for him all this time – I'm just as much of a criminal as he is!" He shouted, his words echoing throughout the hallways. His ebony hair fell across his face, sticking to his perspiration.

"No KC! Think this through for two seconds! You need to calm down!"

"No! I've just stood here and done nothing for too long! I can't believe that I let this happen! This is all my fault!"

My breath was taken away. The conviction and guilt in his voice made my heart ache in ways it hadn't felt in a while. How much more could a person take before self-destructing? "Think this through. This is beyond against anything smart. This is murder."

"No," He waved the knife in my face, now throwing stuff into a bag. Stuff I didn't even recognize. I think there were towels. I was too afraid to actually go near him with such a domineering weapon. "No. This is you. You break all the rules in this. He will die for this. He is scum on earth. He will not be allowed to get away with something like this."

"Stop it, KC! You are not going to become a murderer!"

"It's only murder if you kill a human. Chase is not a human."

Zipping up his bag, he began to storm through the house. I sprinted to the door and stood in front of it. Now this was a brilliant plan. One tiny, broken girl against one large, full of rage boy. I'm pretty sure the odds were not in my favor. But I had to try. I couldn't imagine KC being gone – in jail. Killing his best friend? He wouldn't be KC anymore.

"Get out of the way, Clare." He murmured, his voice venomous.

"No." Man, bad time to have your voice quaking. "No, KC. I can't let you go. You are not going to kill Chase for me. You are not turning into a murderer for me."

I eyed his blade with complete terror. He didn't seem to notice. "Get out of my way, Clare."

"Put the knife down, please."

"No! He _will_ pay!"

"Put the knife down!"

"No!"

"KC, I don't want to fight you with a knife in your hands!"

He stared into my eyes and his softened slightly around the edges. Shoving the knife in the bag, he shook his head. For a brief moment, relief splashed over me and I could feel my feet once more. Then, he dashed to a window, slammed it open, and jumped out.

Before I could even process what was going on, an engine was roaring and he was gone.

"Oh no," I breathed, standing in the doorway in complete disbelief. "_No!_"

I couldn't lose KC. I couldn't have him becoming a monster too – a killer. This wasn't happening. My mind raced as I tried to find some sort of answer, some sort of aid in this time. I couldn't. All I knew was that I had no car, no license, and no power against this.

Darting inside the house, I grabbed the phone off of the counter, the dock crashing to the floor. My fingers clumsily typed in the number I used to rely on so much before KC. It rang a few times and went to voicemail. "Pick up!" I screamed into the receiver.

I pressed redial. It rang.

Again.

Again.

"Come on!" I shrieked into the phone. Throwing it aside I began to run. Run like I'd never ran before in my life.

The house came into view. Alli slipped her slim body out the door, her eyes narrowed at my presence. "Jeez Clare, I was talking with my parents. I was going to call you back as soon as I-"

She stopped. I was over to her in seconds, my body shaking from fright. "Clare, what is it, honey?" She gasped, as soon as she could see my face.

"You need to help me!"

"What? What is it?" Her voice went blank with fear, just as mine had.

"You have to give me a ride to Chase's house!"

"Why?"

"KC's about to kill Chase!"

**Author's Note: OooooKay. So, I think killing people violates his probation. That may just be a rumor. I'm getting a second opinion. **

**PLEASE R&R! I know it's the end of the thing, but I really do appreciate it and take your stuff in consideration. **


	33. Chapter 33

KC's P.O.V.

"I'm gonna kill you! You do not deserve to live!"

I wasn't even sure how I got here. Somehow, I was in Chase's room, my fingers wrapped around his throat. His long fingers were clutching mine, his eyes bulging. I wasn't actually squeezing hard, just enough to retrieve the blade from my pocket. Grinding my teeth, I put our faces close together. "You stepped over the line. I told you. I _warned_ you. I told you that the rules were gone with Clare. I told you to step down. This can't be that much of a surprise."

He let out a few gurgles and I threw him down. Coughing, Chase lifted his head up, no fear in his eyes. "Bullshit, KC. This is not about that stupid bitch. You've been waiting for an excuse to do this since I got back. This is an opportunity, nothing else."

"Shut up!" I shouted, now fingering the knife. "You don't know me anymore. You may have once known me, but that kid is gone. He was lost as soon as all of his friends _abandoned_ him for juvie. You cannot say what I will or will not do, because I am _not_ the person I used to be!"

"And yet, here you are with a knife. You look _exactly_ like the KC I know." He licked his lips. "I think I know you more than any of these morons at Degrassi. And that scares you. Because you are afraid that I will wreck this perfect little image you've set yourself up for at the school, and ruin your life. You are trying to _blame me_ for everything that has gone wrong in your precious knew alter ego, because you don't know who else to blame! News flash for you, KC! You screwed it up all on your own! So stop trying to bring me into this equation!"

"Shut up!" I screamed again, now stepping dangerously closer. "I take full responsibility for what I did to Clare! But what _you_ did to Clare-" I had to close my eyes to keep from lashing out at the exact moment. Just thinking about everything made my entire insides squirm. "-I would have never done anything like that! No one is ever allowed to do that to her – strike that! To _anyone!_"

He rolled his eyes. "Oh please, KC. Get off your freaking high horse. You and I both know that deep down inside, every girl _wants_ a guy to take control of the situation. If they say that they want to stay 'pure' or whatever crap she pulls, they're just lying to the guy because A) they don't like them or B) they're gay."

"You shut your trap right now. You cannot justify your sickening acts." Grinding my teeth, I tightened my grip. "You are a monster."

"You should really look into the mirror before you say that."

I was just about to take a step forward when I heard, "KC, stop!"

Then our eyes met. I hadn't been able to get those eyes out of my mind for the past week. I stared at Chase, utter hatred radiating off of my body. Every particle screamed at me to run, but I was frozen in place, knowing there was no other option. Clare's eyes gazed at me pleadingly, but it had the opposite effect. Just seeing the purple below her chin made my anger bubble even more, making my plan all the more resolute.

"_Get out of here!_" I screeched, not wanting her anywhere near me for the first time in weeks.

Then I noticed where I actually was.

I had Chase pinned against a wall with the knife to his throat. Clare took a hesitant step toward me, but my glare had her retracing her step. "Clare, you get out of here right now. How'd you even get over here?"

"Sav drove me." She stated mechanically, but she could've been talking in a foreign language for all I was paying attention. "KC, think this through. You are talking about murder."

The word scared me. It truly did. It wasn't like I hadn't realized what was going to happen once I did this. But she was worth it. I never actually thought I'd break my probation, but it was entirely worth it. I turned my attention back to Chase, who was cowering in fear, his eyes never leaving the blade. "I do not care!" I yelled in his face, spraying him with some saliva. "You deserve it, you cockroach. These are human beings!"

It must've hit him how serious the entire situation was. Chase whimpered. "Seriously, KC, calm."

"_Do not talk to me!_" Our faces were inches apart. "I swear, I'll break your neck right here, right now."

Clare took a few cautious steps closer, but this time I didn't shout. My attention was too much fixated on Chase. Each step took ages; I felt my heart race like none before. It was going to beat out of my chest if I didn't calm down. She needed to leave. What if something went down and she got in the way? What if _I_ hurt her?

"KC, put the knife down. He's not worth it." Clare said, reaching out hesitantly.

"Yes, but you are."

The conviction in her words got me once more. I turned to look at Chase, hoping somehow I could find some sort of compassion for him, but I couldn't. I pushed all my soft thoughts out of my head. No, this is how it had to happen. This is just what had to occur. He hurt her. He tried to _rape_ her. That was unforgivable. I couldn't – I wouldn't let this happen.

"Stop it right now, KC." She said bluntly, filling with a newfound strength. No, Chase did not deserve the sympathy she was giving him. But she was giving it to him anyway.

My mind traveled to _Crime and Punishment_, the book I was reading what seemed like lifetimes ago. An odd point to think of Dostoevsky. But I couldn't help but think of it.

Raskolnikov's murder wasn't completely uncalled for. But when doing so, he marked his own fate. And I was marking mine. We both weren't murderers at heart, but it was something that needed to be done. Both those people weren't contributing anything to the world. They were sucking the life out of it.

Reaching a hand out, she placed her hand atop mine. I stared at it lividly, and she looked at me as though I might turn on her with the knife. The idea was not only preposterous, but it physically hurt me to see her frightened of me. With trembling fingers, she wrapped them around my wrist. "This is done. Stop it right now."

I looked into her eyes and we shared a moment. In her eyes, I saw everything that had occurred since we had become friends and everything that had occurred before. I saw the nightmares in her eyes and I'm sure she saw the nightmares in mine. Everything had led up to this. Even though we weren't aware, even though we weren't ready, everything was coming to this.

Trust.

I never thought that I could trust anyone. But at this moment in time, I put all my faith in her and I hoped she put hers in me.

My hand slowly unwrapped from the handle of the blade. It fell to the floor with a resounding clatter. I closed my eyes and took a step back. Through my labored breathing, I stated, "Alright." Opening my eyes, I saw Chase cowering before me. "But you. You will go the police and be put behind bars. I'm confessing everything. The time before and now. And you will rot in jail."

Chase looked relieved, but I knew that relief would only last so long. I didn't care.

Taking my hand in hers, Clare stepped back with my. "It's over." She whispered. "All of it. It is over now."

**The Following Monday**

Crumpling the paper in my hands, I let out a huge sigh. For the first time in days, I felt absolutely free. I laughed wistfully, tossing the paper in the garbage. Clare waved from the end of the hall and shuffled over. I smiled and motioned for her to sit next to me. "What do you got there?" She asked, throwing her bag on the ground.

"Letter from the judge." I shrugged my shoulders. "I got a 'Get out of jail free card' from the judge. I guess she turned a blind eye to the whole knife thing." I whistled. "Which is good, because I have a feeling that I wouldn't survive in prison."

"I could've told you that." She chuckled, tossing her hair back. "I'm glad this is all over."

I grinned. "Close enough, at least. When does Darcy come home?"

She smiled broadly, her eyes lighting up. "On Friday. We're moving back into our house with a government stipend. I'm so ready for this nightmare to be over."

"I think it is. Although, I may add to it right now." I sucked in a breath. I had to tell her. All this happened and I don't know, I just had to let her know. I couldn't survive another second without her knowing. She was now looking at me apprehensively and I realized my words left a lot to the imagination. Preparing myself, I looked at her square in the eyes.

"Listen, Clare. I've had something on my mind for months now. I can hardly believe it haven't said this aloud yet. I just wanted to firstly say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that happened. But I need to say this and I hope you realize that this is truth." She blinked and I knew that I couldn't stop now. I started. "I just need you to know that there was nothing going on between Jenna and I." She closed her eyes and I grabbed her hand. "I was about to shower and she kinda, well…" I couldn't finished the sentence. "It was a wrong thing at the wrong time sort of situation, if you could ever believe anything like that. But it's true. I never wanted to hurt you in any way. And when I stayed with Jenna-" I couldn't help but hiss at the memory. "-it was only because I couldn't imagine throwing everything I had with you away for it. I had to find some sort reason for it, because I could actually understand-"

I stopped. I realized I hadn't breathed for a while and was getting rather red in the face. "Sorry. A couple months of stifling this and I can't help but get a little intense." Sucking in a deep breath, I continued. "But what I'm trying to say, something I never thought I'd be able to say seriously to another human being is," I choked on it. I couldn't. She would leave. I did not deserve her. She would leave me just like everyone else. I couldn't. I couldn't lose someone else.

"What is it KC?" She was whispering. I noticed her hand was now gripped tightly around mine.

"I love you."

The words hung in the air and I closed my eyes. That did it. She was going to walk away on me, just like everyone else. I bowed my head. Pushing myself off of the bench, I stood up to walk away. A hand snagged my wrist and I looked down. Clare was standing up too, her hand tight around my wrist. There was an unreadable look on her face. All I could do was stare.

Next thing I knew, she pressed her lips against mine. I felt her raise up and I was reminded of how she went on her tip-toes when we were dating. Breaking off this brief moment of heaven, she chuckled. "About freaking time! I love you too, you moron."

All I could do is smile like the moron I was.


	34. Epilogue

**I put no note with the last one! Lol… I forgot. Basically, I wanted to post these two together, though.**

_Epilogue_

Clare's P.O.V.

"What in the world could you possibly have planned?" I asked nervously, stepping out of my house. KC was standing at my doorway, looking particularly suspicious. I did not like that look. I had grown not to like that look at all.

There were bad days. There were bad days every week. But they were thinning out. I was looking forward to a time in my life where there were no more nightmares, although I wasn't sure that would ever be possible. On these days, KC cancelled any sort of plans that he had and we'd just hang out.

What did I do to deserve this?

"So," He started, the grin lengthening. "What are your plans for the evening?"

"You told me to free my entire schedule, which isn't hard seeing as I don't have any family functions." The smile widened. "Okay, what is this about?"

"Then you're hanging out with me today."

"Because we never do that." I rolled my eyes.

Ruffling my hair, he laughed, "Today's special. I have a promise to keep. I'm going to teach you how to skateboard today!"

I went rigid. "Actually, no."

"Yes we are! Get your coat, shorty! We head out in five!"

Before I knew what was happening I was shoved off of my seat and I was sprawled on the ground. "Why do you have to be so pushy!" I cried out.

"Get up the stairs now before I drag you!"

You would've thought someone had a gun to my head, the way I was been shoved out of the house. We traveled the familiar trails to the skating rink and I stared at it looming ahead. "I am not doing that."

"Yes you are! It is almost illegal that you've lived here almost all your life and you've never tried to ride a skateboard before. You are doing it!"

"I'm fine never have trying."

He nudged me forward and took my hand. "I'll be right here."

"I have to admit, that does absolutely _nothing_ for my nerves."

He pondered that too. "Well, I have nothing against that, except-" He shoved me once more. "You're going!"

When we reached the park, I stared at the skatebaord. "No." I said, turning to leave. "This is stupid."

"Clare-"

"If I try-"

"You'll roll around."

"I was thinking more along the lines, 'I could die'!"

He wheezed out a laugh. "So melodramatic." Peeling off his coat, he stepped onto next to me. "C'mon pipsqueak, you're doing it. Right now actually."

Suddenly, his hand had my shoulder and pushed the board with me on it, him running along the side. I already was losing balance, instantly grabbing his hand for support. I let out a cry right before the board flew from beneath my feet. The two of us quavered and fell; I landed squarely on KC's chest, who let out a laugh. I quavered, "You prick!" My lower lip was shivering. "I-I c-can't believe y-you just d-did that!"

He laughed. "Wow, that was exhilarating. I've never shoved someone to their potential death before!"

"I hate you. Go away." I shook.

"Except by hate, you actually mean love." He wrapped his arms around me and I couldn't stay mad at him too long. "You seem to attract all things bad, Clare." He chuckled.

"Are you saying you're bad?"

"Crap. You found out I was attracted to you?" He smiled broadly. "Unfortunately, I think you're going to have to deal with the fact that I am always going to be around."

I guess I could deal with that.

**THE END**

**Wow. The end. Really? Thanks so much for everything you guys and dealing with the story! I'd really appreciate you pushing the beautiful green button and tell me what you think, especially now that it's done. **

**Well, shoot. What am I going to write about now?**


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